| April 2001 |
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Alternatives to Marriage Update
In this issue: Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project ATMP Celebrates Its Third Anniversary Three years ago this month, the Alternatives to Marriage Project made the leap from being a long-discussed dream to becoming a real organization. From its humble beginning in a conference workshop, ATMP has taken on a life of its own and grown beyond our imagination. This newsletter will make its way into over 2,800 e-mail and paper mailboxes in every state and dozens of countries. ATMP's members regularly give voice to the diverse needs of unmarried people in media conversations about family. And on a daily basis we hear from people who say ATMP's existence makes them feel less alone. Thanks to all of you who have helped ATMP reach this milestone. We look forward to continuing the journey together! Religion and Cohabitation Survey Online Now You are invited to fill out a survey about religion, cohabitation, the family diversity movement, and other related issues. The survey is being conducted by Kirsten Isgro, a researcher from the University of Massachusetts who is a member of ATMP's board of directors, and is online [no longer available]. This survey is different from our more general survey that many of you may have already filled out when you first visited our webpage. Please spread the word about the survey so we can gather as many perspectives as possible! Website Adds Expert Perspective Page Many well-respected experts on marriage and cohabitation believe it's a mistake to promote marriage as the ideal family structure. They write about cohabitors in a fair and balanced way that captures the complexities of relationships and families. A new page on the ATMP website, The Experts Speak, features some of these experts' quotes on marriage and cohabitation. Seeking a Summer Intern ATMP is accepting applications for a summer internship in our Boston-area office. The internship is a great opportunity to learn about the workings of a small, grassroots organization and make a difference for unmarried people while you're at it! Intern responsibilities are individualized, based on each person's skills and interests. We are particularly interested in finding an intern who would like to work on helping organize a conference on unmarried issues and family diversity. For more information about the internship, click here. ATMP Contributes to LGBT Public Health Guidelines The Gay and Lesbian Medical Association recently released the Healthy People 2010 Companion Document for LGBT Health, a landmark report on lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender health issues. The document is intended to complement the federal government's Healthy People 2010 report, which serves as a blueprint for public health funding for the next ten years. ATMP contributed to the document's section on domestic partnerbenefits, which explains how these health benefits are important to make quality health care available to more LGBT people. For more information on the report or to download a copy, see http://www.glma.org/policy/hp2010/index.html . In the Media Our review of the troubling book The Case for Marriage appeared in the April issue of Sojourner: The Women's Forum. You can read the review at http://www.unmarried.org/case-for-marriage-review.html . ATMP was also mentioned in numerous print and online publications in the last month, including the Orange County (California) Register, the National Catholic Register, The Times (Indiana), and the Family Research Council. Book Buzz Even God Is Single (So Stop Giving Me a Hard Time), by Karen Salmansohn, (Workman Publishing Company, 2000) Reviewed by Dorian Solot Karen Salmansohn's little humor book for single (heterosexual) women may actually be, as its cover claims, "The book every single girl needs to defend against nudgy family and friends." Its light-hearted, illustration-filled pages offer twenty-six snappy responses to the question single women are bombarded with: "Why aren't you married?" Salmansohn points out that singles are in good company: Buddha and Catwoman are single, and God is a single-parent household. Another section observes that getting married is easy, and challenges those tormentors to pressure singles to become "something a little more challenging -- like an astrophysicist." Even God Is Single upholds a view of the world where everyone is either married or single, breezing over the possibility of rewarding relationships that aren't marriages. Though it's unlikely to provide deep insights, solve all a single woman's problems, or put an end to those annoying questions, the book is great for a chuckle in a world that reveres coupledom. (If you've read a recently-published book that you think might interest others who like to ponder marriage and non-marriage, we invite you to write a couple of paragraphs about it for this section of our newsletter!) You can read the book reviews in archived issues of our newsletter at http://www.unmarried.org/contact.ht ml . Heaps of Thank Yous As a national grassroots non-profit organization, nearly all of ATMP's funding comes from individuals who want to make a difference for unmarried people. Many of you received our recent fundraising letter by papermail or e-mail. If you believe ATMP's work is important, please send in your tax-deductible donation of whatever amount you can afford. You can send a check to ATMP, P.O. Box 991010, Boston, MA 02199. Or call us (518-462-5600) to charge your donation to your credit card. You can also show your ongoing support for ATMP making a monthly or quarterly credit card gift. Thank you! Many thanks to those who made recent contributions: Constance Ahrons, Caera Aislingeach, Thomas Amoroso, Ashton Applewhite, Kimley Armour, Stuart Bechman, Maura Boyle, Tree Bressen, Kath Connolly, Anneke Campbell, Janna Cordeiro and Sebastian Toomey, Abe Doherty, Skip Drum and Alan Gross, Leia Durland-Jones, Martha Ehrenfeld, Holly Ferrise and Brian Baum, Tom Flynn, Smokey Forester, Brian Fox, Christine Gannon, Amy Glesius and Roger Buelow, Nancy Hurd, Richard Kavesh, Mary Keane, Erica Neuman and Tim Kelly, Katinka Pal-Zimny, Gerard Palmieri, Jeremy Peirce and Amanda Birmingham, Jeremy Pittman, Catherine Reuben, Malissa Samples, Bethany Savela, Leonore Tiefer, Ric Weiland, Sarah Wright, and several anonymous donors. Tidbits Truck Billboards Question Marriage A multimedia campaign called "Popping the Question" is circulating two 15-foot trucks covered on all sides with billboards asking people to reconsider marriage. The billboards, created by the artists THINK AGAIN, question why the elderly and low-income people often lose benefits if they marry, who profits from the wedding industry, how single people are penalized by preferences offered to married couples, and why domestic partners are left out of what constitutes a family. Couple Kicked Off Temptation Island Sues The Los Angeles couple booted off Temptation Island because they have a two-year old child have sued the show for defamation of character. Ytossie Patterson and Taheed Watson claim producers always knew they had a child, but decided it would boost ratings if the information came out during an episode. Patterson said producers allowed her to call her son twice a day during the two-week taping and that she kept pictures of him near her bed on the island which were discussed on camera. The couple say they were publicly chastised for the alleged revelation in a way that was condescending and humiliating. Rules Author to Divorce Ellen Fein, co-author of the famous book The Rules, has filed for divorce from her husband. Fein made the announcement on the eve of the publication of her latest book, Rules III, which carries the subtitle "Time-tested secrets for making your marriage work." As the Rules authors toured talk shows in the past, they boasted of their own happy marriages, claiming that a woman who followed The Rules, "will have one of those made-in-heaven marriages. A Rules marriage is forever." Among other recommendations, Rules III advises women to be subservient to their husbands and grow their hair long to be more attractive. Norwegian Prince Cohabits with Partner Norway's 27 year old hereditary prince, Haakon, lives with his unmarried female partner and her three-year-old son. The two are expected to marry in a grand cathedral ceremony this summer. While Haakon has been criticized by bishops of the Lutheran Church for his living arrangements and his outspoken support for gay and lesbian rights, opinion polls show that the popularity of the royal family has remained as high as ever. Haakon is expected to become king someday, and the couple's firstborn child, male or female, will become the heir apparent. Sizzling Statistics Most Brides Take Groom's Surname About 90% of married women nationwide give up their last name when they marry, finds a study by a Bradley University professor Claire Etaugh. The statistic surprises sociologists, who expected that since women now marry later and so many work, more would choose to keep their birth names. The study found that husbands still have a strong preference for women to change their names, and that many women believe a couple should have one surname to unite them. Etaugh found that because of continuing prejudice against unmarried women, many women want to change their names to show they're married to the man with whom they live. Many women who took their husband's names said they agonized about it and hope for a day when a woman can choose her own name without fear of stigma. The director of the Henry A. Murray Research Center at Radcliffe said that in Denmark women went from taking their husbands' names to retaining their names within one generation in the 1970s, a sharp contrast to the incremental change in the United States. Young British Christians Back Unmarried Sex A survey of 15,000 British 13 to 15 year olds found that 82% of young Anglicans reject the idea of life-long marriage and believe divorce is acceptable. Among Roman Catholic teens, 85% disagree with their Church's teaching that sex outside marriage is wrong. In comparison, 42% of Muslims believe divorce is wrong and 49% say sex should be confined to marriage. Fourteen Percent of British Couples Are Cohabitors A study published in the latest edition of Population Trends finds that the proportion of British families with children headed by cohabiting couples has surpassed 10% for the first time, reflecting a huge growth in cohabitation and a significant increase in the length of time cohabiting couples stay together. Fourteen percent of all couple households are now cohabiting couples, compared with 5% in 1986. Projections predict that the number of cohabiting couples will rise by 90% in the next 20 years to 2.93 million (or 22 percent of all couples). Pregnant Brides Increasingly Common in Japan The Japanese government estimates that up to 20 percent of Japanese brides today are pregnant during their wedding ceremony, up from less than 5 percent just a decade ago. According to a Boston Globe article, pregnant brides are becoming less taboo, especially in urban areas. Relatives and friends may comment about the 'order' of events being incorrect, but when the baby comes, all is usually forgiven. While about 50% of Japanese unmarried women are sexually active, only about 1% of births are to unmarried women. News From the United States Thanks to Kathleen Moffett-Durrett for her help with compiling the news and statistics in this issue! If you'd like to learn about becoming a volunteer news compiler for a future issue of the Update (we find the articles, you edit them by email from any location), contact us. Senator Calls for Suspension of Oklahoma Pro-Marriage Contract Oklahoma Senator Kevin Easley has called for suspension of the state's marriage initiative contract, charging the contractor with "outrageous and wasteful" billing. Oklahoma's government initiative to promote marriage, upheld by many pro-marriage groups as a model for the rest of the country to follow, is funded with welfare money previously allocated for poor families. The contracting firm billed the state $732.50 for 10.25 hours spent reading The Case for Marriage, $137.50 for 2.5 hours to write a report on the book, and $55 for writing a reply to a high school student who sent an e-mail inquiry, among other things. Governor Frank Keating says it is premature to suspend the $400,000 program, but that it should be reviewed. South Carolina Considers Funding Contraception Only for Marrieds The South Carolina House approved a measure that would eliminate state funding for contraceptives and abortion for unmarried people. Critics have warned that such a measure could lead to a loss of all Medicaid funding from the federal government. Concerned Women for America Launches Marriage-Promoting Institute Concerned Women for America announced the formation of a new Culture and Family Institute to be headed by Robert H. Knight. The Institute will focus on "homosexual activism and other forces that threaten to undermine marriage, family and religious freedom." Knight previously worked at the Family Research Council and Heritage Foundation. North Carolina May Update Marriage Laws The North Carolina House tentatively approved legislation that would prohibit children under 14 years from marrying, give judges more authority to determine which teens can marry, and amend laws that bar some prisoners from marrying and fail to recognize Native American and Islamic wedding ceremonies. Lawmakers voted 110-5 in favor of the legislation. Utah and Arizona Consider Sodomy & Cohabitation Laws Four anonymous men have sued to overturn Utah’s anti-fornication and sodomy laws, saying that the laws endanger them in having intimate relations while unmarried. The attorney in the case argued that the statutes are unconstitutional, a clear invasion of privacy, and an imposition of one person’s moral standards upon another. In Utah, the offences are currently punishable by up to 6 months behind bars and a $1,000 fine, although only a handful of offenders have ever been charged. A similar lawsuit was dismissed in the past because the plaintiffs could not prove they were in imminent danger of prosecution. Arizona’s House of Representatives gave preliminary approval to a bill that would repeal the state's laws against cohabitation, oral sex, and non-procreational sex acts between consenting adults, and the bill is expected to pass the Senate, as well. The laws, which have been on the books since 1901, have rarely been enforced in recent decades. In states like Arizona where cohabitation is illegal, unmarried different-sex and same-sex couples are prevented from claiming their partners as dependents on their income tax forms. This technicality can increase their taxes by as much as 30 percent. For a list of the states where cohabitation is illegal, go to http://www.unmarried.org/fun.html . Sodomy Laws Struck Down by Arkansas, Upheld by Texas An Arkansas Circuit Court judge declared the state’s law banning consensual sex between adult same-sex couples to be a violation of the state constitution. The ruling found that adults have the right to engage in consensual and noncommercial sexual activities in their own homes. The Texas Court of Appeals voted 7-2 to uphold that state's sodomy law, which prohibits sex between same-sex partner but not between unmarried different-sex partners. The defendants in the case were arrested in 1998 when police entered an apartment on a false report that there was an armed intruder and apprehended the couple having consensual sex. The case will be appealed but the District Court is expected to deny the appeal. The Texas legislature will be considering a sodomy repeal measure this year, but the Republican Party of Texas is strongly opposed to the reform. Four states, Texas, Oklahoma, Kansas and Missouri, have sodomy laws that apply only to same-sex couples; Missouri’s law has been struck down by a lower court. Thirteen other states have laws that outlaw some forms of sexual activity among a broader range of couples. News From Around the World Unmarried Fathers Offered Full Rights in Britain Unmarried British fathers who register their child’s birth jointly with the mothers will obtain full parental rights under a new bill. One in three children in England are born to unmarried people, yet officials say most unmarried fathers are unaware of their lack of legal rights. Under current law, if parents are not married, the mother is treated as the child's sole parent and fathers can obtain rights only through a court order by the court or registered written agreement. In the United States, fathers who are listed on their child's birth certificate receive the same parental legal rights and responsibilities regardless of their marital status. For more information about unmarried parents' rights in the U.S., we recommend the book Living Together: A Legal Guide for Unmarried Couples (see http://www.unmarried.org/bookstore.html. Britain’s Teachers Want Partners To Be Eligible for Pensions British teachers are asking for substantial improvements to their pension scheme, including calling for pensions to be paid to surviving unmarried same-sex and different-sex partners as well as spouses. They also want partners' pensions to be paid for life, rather than being stopped if the survivor remarries or lives with someone else. Similar improvements in the civil servant retirement system have given encouragement to negotiators. New Zealand Unmarrieds Given "Married" Property Rights New Zealand passed a property relations bill that will give unmarried same-sex and different-sex couples the same property rights as married couples after they've lived together three years. Under the new law, which will take effect next February, if a couple splits up, their assets would be split 50-50 unless people opt out with a written contract. Some experts celebrate this kind of automatic recognition of unmarried relationships. Others are concerned that it leaves couples with no choice about the role of government in their relationship, recognizing that some unmarried couples choose not to marry because they want to avoid the automatic legal relationship that marriage brings. These experts recommend ways to recognize relationships that allow people to "opt-in" or not, instead of ones that include everyone whether they wanted to be included or not. The United States has no law equivalent to the one passed in New Zealand. Australia Fertility Battle Looms Australia's prime minister plans to introduce an amendment that would give Australia’s six states the authority to restrict access to reproductive technology to married heterosexual couples. The proposed legislation was sparked by a decision in July by Australia’s highest court that granted an unmarried woman access to state fertility treatment. The bill, designed to restrict unmarried women's and lesbians' access to fertility treatment is expected to pass the House but face a battle in the Senate. Portugal Grants Rights to Same-Sex Couples Same-sex Portuguese couples who have lived together for more than two years have been granted the same rights as different-sex couples in common-law marriages. Like most of Europe, Portugal does not allow same-sex marriages. The new law, which came after years of lobbying by GLBT groups, will give same-sex couples some legal and tax benefits. Unmarried Iranian Women Allowed Study Abroad Scholarships Iran's constitutional watchdog, the Guardian Council, has approved state scholarships for unmarried women to study abroad. Married women have long been able to study abroad with the written permission of their husbands; unmarried women will join their ranks if they have the written permission of their fathers. UNICEF Calls for End to Child Marriages The United Nation Children’s Fund has called for a global campaign to prevent the widespread phenomenon of child marriage. Armed with statistics showing that half of all girls in some countries are married by the time they reach age 18, UNICEF says child marriages are a violation of children's basic rights. The agency warns that early marriage cuts off young people's educational opportunities, leads to higher-risk pregnancies, increases girls' domestic and sexual subservience, and puts girls at risk for HIV because of the false belief in many places that if a man sleeps with a virgin, he’ll be cured of HIV. Scottish Children to be Taught about "Stable Family Life" Under updated guidelines, Scottish schools will be legally bound to promote "stable family life" but not necessarily to promote marriage. The new guidelines say, "Pupils should also be encouraged to appreciate the value of commitment in relationships and partnerships, including the value placed on marriage by religious groups and others in society. At the same time, teachers must respect and avoid causing hurt and offense to those who come from backgrounds that do not reflect this value." First Same-Sex Marriages Take Place in Netherlands Four same-sex couples exchanged rings and vows at the end of March, the first of hundreds planning to wed under a new Dutch law allowing same-sex marriages. The ceremony capped a 15-year campaign to award gay couples equal rights under civil law. Though several other countries register same-sex couples and some call them marriages, rights groups have hailed the Dutch legislation as groundbreaking, eliminating all references to gender in laws governing matrimony and adoption. All Dutch couples, whether same-sex or different-sex, now have the choice of marrying or becoming registered partners. Domestic Partner News (U.S.) Maine, Others Offers Partner Benefits to Employees The same-sex and different-sex partners of Maine state employees will be eligible for health insurance benefits starting July 1st. A state representative had introduced a measure to block funding for the new benefit until a hearing could be held, but the measure failed. Maine is the seventh state to provide domestic partner health benefits to state employees. The others are California, Connecticut, New York, Oregon, Vermont and Washington. Other employers that recently announced or implemented domestic partner benefits include Cablevision, Cooley Dickinson Hospital, Diamond Technology Partners, Epoch Partners, Hawaiian Airlines, HNC Software, Nortel Networks, PSINet Inc., and XO Communications. Portland, Maine Considers DP Registry A Portland, Maine City Council committee voted 2-1 to recommend that the city establish a registry to give same-sex and different-sex couples new legal status as domestic partners. The registry would give domestic partners some of the rights married couples receive, including visitation at city health facilities, access to children and their records at public schools, and eligibility for any city programs or benefits offered to married couples. The proposal goes next to the full council, which is scheduled to hold a public hearing and vote May 7. Bill Would Expand California Domestic Partner Registry A proposed bill would give additional rights to couples registered as domestic partners in California. If passed, domestic partners would be given the same legal standing as married couples in areas including entitlement to sick leave to care for a partner, unemployment benefits, medical treatment decisions, certain inheritance and estate administration rights, and the ability to sue for emotional distress and wrongful death. Milwaukee City Employees May Receive Same-Sex DP Benefits Members of the largest Milwaukee city employee union ratified a new contract that includes benefits for same-sex domestic partners. The contract still faces critics on the City Council, which must approve all contracts before they take effect. Georgia & Michigan Cities, Nevada County Consider DPs A change in East Point, Georgia's insurance policy has been proposed that would make the city's employees the second group of municipal workers in Georgia with domestic partner benefits, if the City Council approves the change. If approved, health and dental benefits would be available to the same-sex and different-sex partners of city employees who have lived together for over a year and can prove legal or financial connectedness. The Clark County, Nevada Commission postponed consideration of a resolution supporting state legislation that would allow the county to extend health benefits to domestic partners of its employees. Clark County encompasses the Las Vegas metropolitan area. The commission will first review the bill that would allow unmarried couples to sign "declaration of reciprocal beneficiary relationship" statements. Parties in such relationships could make hospital or funeral arrangements and control estates for their domestic partners. Partners could receive medical insurance benefits if the employer agrees to make those benefits available to domestic partners. The Detroit City Council president introduced a measure to extend domestic partner benefits to the partners of non-union city employees. The City Council is expected to consider the proposal in April. Florida Court Upholds County DP Law Florida's Supreme Court declined to hear arguments on Broward County's domestic partnership law that allows unmarried same-sex and different-sex partners to receive some of the same benefits as married couples. A conservative legal foundation had asked the court to declare the Broward County ordinance in violation of the state's Defense of Marriage Act, which prohibits legal recognition of same-sex relationships. More than 1,000 Broward County couples have registered their relationships in the last two years. Quoteworthy "If we're concerned with the well-being of families with children, we may have to rethink our policies in ways that will allow us to provide adequate benefits for families that don’t meet the formal marriage definitions that have prevailed in the past." - Larry Bumpass, University of Wisconsin sociologist and demographer, on NPR's Talk of the Nation, November 11, 1998 This quote appears on our new "The Experts Speak" page, http://www.unmarried.org/experts.html. |
