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| AtMP At Ten: Friends Who Never Quit |
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After 10 years, Amber Settle cannot exactly remember how she heard about the Alternatives to Marriage Project, but she will never forget why she decided to get involved. Amber, an Associate Professor of Computer Science at Chicago's De Paul University and her partner did not feel it would be necessary to get married, but after having a child, they began to see how many things such as social security benefits and health care were based on marital status. Most people assume Amber is married because she has a child and is a heterosexual, but she believes, like many others, that this is not a reason to get married. AtMP was the only organization out there that was keeping this in mind. She was just a student when she began donating, but has always known her contribution meant something. "We don't have a lot of money relatively," Amber explains. "But the amount we are able to donate does make a big difference." Like any organization, AtMP relies on the kindness of strangers to help them evoke change. It is no easy task, but many AtMP supporters are in it for the long haul. Janna Cordeiro, Amy Glesius, Alexandra Chasin and Janie Fronek have all been donating for 9 years. Suzanne Miller is another member of the 9-year club and co-founder Marshall Miller's mother. "I really liked that the organization was both personally supportive to unmarried people as well as politically active to advocate on the big picture level," Suzanne says. Suzanne and her partner Walter have been together for almost 10 years and have no plans to get married, "Why complicate our lives when we have a committed relationship that is working very well?" With the work of AtMP, Suzanne believes unmarried partners are getting "more respect, less discrimination, and more benefits." One of AtMP's longest standing, most consistent members is Ulla Figwer. Ulla has been a faithful donor and volunteer since AtMP's founding in 1998, including six years on the board of directors. Part of her volunteer service is to manage AtMP's online bookstore, so if you have ever bought a book from AtMP, you have felt Ulla's quiet and efficient touch. Alice Yew was in her last days at Brown University finishing up her Ph D. when she noticed a conference that was being given by Dorian and Marshall about alternatives to marriage. "I forget what it was called, something about ‘Happiness Without Wedding Bells,'" Alice recalls. Although she was unable to attend she was able to get in touch with Marshall, who let her know their plans for an organization that would soon become AtMP. Nine years later, Alice acted as a board member for four years and is still a financial supporter. As a bisexual involved in the LGBT community Alice was attracted to the idea of fairness for people who could not marry and others who had simply chosen not to. Even though it is a large undertaking Amber is also interested in the idea that AtMP could one day create a level playing field for everyone in this country. "Same sex couples could be able to get married if they like and opposite sex couples who choose not to get married should not be financially penalized for that," she says. AtMP has made people, some for the first time, realize that marriage is not necessarily a path you have to follow. As an activist for low-income people, Suzanne especially liked the AtMP report "Let Them Eat Wedding Rings: The Role of Marriage Promotion in Welfare Reform" which advocates that anti-poverty money be used to meet the basic needs of the poor, not to promote marriage. "It's great that this report has made its way into the hands members of Congress, academic articles and college classes around the country," Suzanne says. Supporters were able to mention something AtMP has done in the last ten years that was important to them, but they all also understood there was much more they would like to see AtMP accomplish. This drive is the reason they will keep offering their support. "There's still a marriage promotion and a lot of people think marriage is the answer to everything," Alice explains. "It is important to have an organization to stand up against people like that and show them a more balanced view." For her, AtMP is not about boycotting marriage, but about achieving fairness for all kinds of relationships along with single people. That is something we can all support. Shannon Carlin is the music editor at Beyond Race Magazine. Like many other people, she wants to meet Bob Dylan. |
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