Ways to be Unmarried
| Living Single |
| Living Together |
| GLBT |
| Polyamory |
| MarriageFree & Boycott |
| Parents & Children |
| Commitment Ceremonies |
| Domestic Partner Benefits |
RSS
| August 2000 |
|
|
|
|
Alternatives to Marriage Update: August 2000 In this issue:
In the Media
In the Media Time Magazine Features ATMP Under the headline, "Bridal Vows Revisited," Time magazine featured an article about different ways that couples are responding to their concerns the length of relationships. The article cited ATMP founders Marshall Miller and Dorian Solot's observation that if a relationship's success is judged only by whether it lasts "until death do we part," it seems sad that the only marker of success is death. Rather, couples can celebrate milestones along the way, like each decade of being together. ATMP members Janna Cordeiro and Sebastian Toomey were featured talking about their decision not to get married, and a photo of them led the story. Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project Help Therapists Support Unmarrieds ATMP co-founder Marshall Miller will be a speaker at the annual conference of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT) in Denver. He'll be part of a plenary panel called "Till Death Do Us Part? Family Therapy and the Marriage Movement" with Maggie Gallagher, Lorraine Blackman, and Howard Markman. If you're a therapist or you have seen a therapist, we'd like your insights about how therapists can support unmarried relationships. What works? What doesn't? What has your experience been as a professional or a client? What do you wish all therapists knew that would make them most effective? Email your thoughts to us here . Announcing Free Unmarried Personal Ads In response to numerous requests, we are pleased to announce a new service: unmarried personal ads! These ads are for people interested in finding a partner or friend where the goal of the relationship is not necessarily marriage. [This service is no longer available]. Add Your Support to Family Diversity Statement ATMP's Affirmation of Family Diversity has been signed by over 350 experts, authors, therapists, religious leaders, community leaders, and citizens. You can help us demonstrate that there is a broad base of support for the belief that a wide range of relationship and family structures deserve support and validation. Here are three things you can do: 1. Sign the Affirmation (if you haven't yet). Read it and add your name. 2. Send information about the Affirmation to friends, co-workers, and lists and newsgroups you're on, encouraging others to sign it. To make things easy, we've written a brief invitation to sign that you can copy and paste into an email. 3. Encourage your organization to add its name as an organizational signatory. To do so, just send us an email with the organization's name and contact information for an organizational contact person. Dance Party Celebrated Love, Raised Money L'Amour, our fundraising teach-in and dance party that took place in Boston last month was a success! Attendees to the teach-in explored the reasons people do and don't marry, and about 150 people danced the night away under the stars on the bank of the Charles River. The event was written up in the "Scene Around Town" column in Bay Windows. All proceeds from the event benefited our work to support unmarried relationships and educate the public about family diversity issues. Many thanks to co-sponsors Gearhead Productions and the Gnomefatty Kollektiv, DJs Shwilly B, Spockett, Brian Ladd, 416, and Mathwin, and event coordinator Nina Lanza for all their donations of equipment, skills, time, and energy that made L'Amour happen. If you'd like to coordinate an ATMP educational or fundraising event in your area, let us know.
Upcoming Conference The Single Women's Conference Austin, Texas, Barton Creek Resort October 7, 2000 According to the conference press release, "Single women from across the world will flock to Austin to be apart of this liberating tribute to single living. There will be no allowances for pity parties, just the joyous sounds of women enjoying their freedom to be happy and contented alone." Workshops being presented include "The Transformation of the Single Woman," "Raising Emotionally Sound Children Alone," and "The Single Woman from the Christian Perspective." For more information, email the conference organizer, Regena English, at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , or call (877) 890-9226. Tidbits Dear Abby Supports Unmarried A recent exchange of letters in the syndicated "Dear Abby" advice column discussed a 70 year old man who was considering living with the widowed woman he was dating. Despite letters from several readers who disagreed, Abigail Van Buren defended living together as an acceptable option, writing, "Times have changed. Senior citizens who live together choose to do so for a variety of reasons, which are usually well thought out." She also praised a pastor for his willingness to perform commitment ceremonies for unmarried couples. In the past, Abby has stated her support for domestic partners: "Legally recognized domestic partnerships carrying equal legal entitlements should be available to *everyone*." Heaps of Thank Yous Many thanks to David Rear for his donation in honor of Amy Glesius and Roger Buelow, who recently celebrated their relationship with a wedding that did not include a legal marriage. Amy and Roger included donations to ATMP in their gift registry! Please support our work to create a society in which diverse relationships are supported and valued. Your financial support makes a big difference. We now accept donations by credit card as well as check. Make your check payable to ATMP and mail to P.O. Box 991010, Boston, MA 02199. You can mail or call us (518-462-5600) with credit card information. Thank you!! Sizzling Statistics British Boomers Less Likely To Be Married in Retirement A report presented at the Social Policy Association annual conference at the University of Surrey, Roehampton said that in retirement, 1960s baby boomers will be better off in earnings and pension entitlements than their parents' generation, and less likely to be married or to have children. More British Living Alone In 1901 only one British household in 20 contained one person. In 1999 almost one in three did. Single men are the country's fastest-growing social group. By 2016, it is forecast that more than half of men aged 30 to 34 will be living alone. The number of women living alone is expected to almost triple by 2011. At present, 3.8 million women live alone in the UK, but, according to First Direct bank, that figure is likely to rise to 11 million over the coming decade. Marriage Rates Fall in England and Wales The number of divorces in England and Wales dropped from 152,633 in 1988 to 145,214 in 1998, while marriages fell from 348,492 to 267,303. Professor Charlie Lewis of Lancaster University attributed the fall in both divorce and marriage rates to the rise in the number of couples living together. ATMP intern Nina Lanza points out that although the actual number of divorces have gone down, the divorce rate has remained fairly static in relation to the decreased marriage rate. This means that of the people who do choose to marry, more are divorcing than ever before. News From the United States You Can Help Unmarried News Reach Unmarried People! We're seeking volunteers to help compile news for future issues of this Update! It can be done by email from any location. We'd send you the news stories; your job would be to edit them to "blurb" length (an hour or two of work). Ideally, the job would rotate among several volunteers who would work on it for one month each. Contact us for details! News in this issue compiled by Nina Lanza. Clinton Vetoes "Marriage Tax" Bill U.S. Senate and House negotiators agreed to a package of tax cuts for married couples that would start to take effect January 1st, but President Clinton vetoed the bill. Clinton has been urging a more modest tax package that would benefit people of low and middle incomes. The vetoed bill would have increased the "bonus" about half of married couples already receive. Commentators say it is unlikely the bill could get the two-thirds support necessary to override the veto. ATMP believes that tax rate should not be based on marital status. Under a fair tax law, neither married nor unmarried people should have to pay more. Interracial Couple Denied Marriage An Ohio pastor refused to allow an interracial wedding in his church, so the couple moved the ceremony to a church that would allow it. The wedding had originally been scheduled to take place at the Pleasant Valley Community Church in Pike County and officiated by the Caucasian bride's brother, a newly ordained minister. But the Rev. Donald Ellis canceled the ceremony after learning that the groom was African-American. News From Around the World British Widows Will Be Able To Keep Pensions After Remarriage The Social Security Secretary announced recently that after October, the widows of men killed in military service will be allowed to cohabit or remarry without losing their pensions. Until that time, women who live with or marry a new partner will lose their previous husbands' pension. Some claim that hundreds of women will lose their pensions between now and October. Australian Wants To Limit Infertility Treatment to Married Women Australian Prime Minister John Howard wants to ban single women and lesbian couples from receiving in vitro fertilization (IVF) treatment. He declared that all children should have the right to a mother and a father. Howard's stance has outraged gay and lesbian groups and single women who say their human rights are being violated. Victorian family planning spokesman Gav Kovak said that since unmarried women will continue to have children, he would rather "treat them medically with properly treated sperm rather than forcing them to have one night stands to get pregnant." Pope Says Catholics Won't Endorse Same-Sex Unions Pope John Paul II reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's teaching against same-sex marriages, saying, "Attempts to define the family as something other than a solemnized lifelong union of man and woman which looks to the birth and nurture of children are bound to prove destructive." The church's position on marriage, he said, was based "precisely on a recognition of a fundamental truth." Tories Want To Restore Married Couple Bonus in England If they win the next election, the Tories say they will restore the married couple's tax allowance, which was scrapped in April after this year's budget. The Tory leader William Hague says he is committed to cutting the tax and putting the recognition of marriage back into the system. Domestic Partner News (U.S.) Massachusetts DP Bill Stalls in House A bill that would have extended health benefits to same-sex and different-sex partners of Massachusetts state employees, and allow cities and towns to provide the benefits without legislative approval, passed the Senate twice but was never brought up for a vote in the House. As a result, dozens of people and children who currently rely on domestic partner benefits for their health insurance could become uninsured. A lawsuit brought by the Catholic Action League and the American Center for Law and Justice, an organization founded by Christian Coalition leader Pat Robertson, last year successfully challenged a Boston executive order that gave benefits to city workers' partners, suggesting that without legislative change, municipalities may not offer DP benefits. ATMP is upset and disappointed that Massachusetts House legislators never took action on this important bill. Iowa State Considers DPs After ruling last month that the University of Iowa could provide benefits to the same-sex partners of employees, the Iowa Board of Regents will be asked to consider a similar proposal from Iowa State University. Iowa State currently allows same-sex couples to have benefits, but employees must pay the full cost of dependent care coverage. The proposal would allow the university to pay for that coverage. There has been some discussion of how the proposal would affect different-sex unmarried couples. Multnomah County, Oregon Registry Finds Little Opposition In Multnomah County, Oregon, there is little opposition to a proposed domestic-partner registry. The registry will allow same-sex and different-sex couples who live together to officially document their relationships. The law will also give employers that offer benefits to domestic partners a more tool for verifying relationships. Under the new law, the partners must be at least 18 years old and sign a notarized certificate stating that they are not married or registered as domestic partners elsewhere. They must also affirm that they are not related by blood, are living together and intend to remain as each other's sole partners indefinitely. If passed, the law would go into effect in September. Maryland County's DP Benefits Attacked Montgomery County, Maryland's new law providing health benefits to the same-sex domestic partners of county employees is being challenged in court by the American Center for Law and Justice. The firm filed suit to undo the law, as it has opposed similar measures across the country in the past. The suit argues that "Only the Maryland State Legislature has the authority to redefine marriage or draw legal equivalencies between homosexual relationships and heterosexual marriage relationships." Phoenix, Carnegie Institute to Offer Inclusive DP Benefits The city of Phoenix, Arizona will make health, life and other insurance benefits available to same-sex and different-sex partners of city employees. To qualify, partners must sign a notarized statement annually that they have lived together for at least a year, are not related and are financially interdependent, such as owning joint checking accounts, mortgages or leases. The Carnegie Institute and its member organizations will offer benefits to the same-sex and different-sex partners of employees. Thomas Sokolowski, director of the Andy Warhol Museum, suggested instituting the change six to nine months ago and said, "Just as we no longer drive horses and carriages and use oil lamps, why do we still define families and partnerships by an 18th century definition?" It's common for both large and small employers to begin offering DP benefits in response to the request of a single employee. For more information about how to organize for benefits at your workplace, check out the Domestic Partnership Organizing Manual for Employee Benefits, which can be downloaded for free or purchased in paper form. Verizon, Other Employers Offer DP Benefits The Communications Workers of America signed a memorandum of understanding with GTE to extend domestic partner benefits to employees of Verizon Communications, a new corporation formed by the merger of GTE and Bell Atlantic. The benefits at the new corporation will mirror those offered to Bell Atlantic employees. Other employers that recently began to offer DP benefits include Achex, Inc., the Association of American Medical Colleges, Bayer Corporation, Goto.com, Illinois Wesleyan University, and IncuBay.
|
