Alternatives to Marriage Update
August 2001

In this issue:
Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project
- Join ATMPers in Baltimore: Local Chapter Forming
- Use Your Tax Rebate to Oppose Marriage-Promoting Agendas
- Save the Date: Houseparty in Boston This Fall
- Join Our Letter to the Editor Brigade
- In the Media
Book Buzz: Baby Boon: How Family-Friendly America Cheats the Childless
Sizzling Statistics
News From the United States
News From Around the World
Domestic Partner News (U.S.)
Quoteworthy

Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project

Join ATMPers in Baltimore: Local Chapter Forming
Alternatives to Marriage Project supporters in the Baltimore area are invited to a meeting this fall to discuss creating a local chapter. The group would allow people to meet like-minded others in their area, discuss how issues related to alternatives to marriage affect their lives, and plan ways to work toward fairness for all regardless of marital status. If you're interested in learning more, contact Pola Hemway, who lives in Glen Burnie and is coordinating the effort. You can reach her at 410-590-3903 or This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it (if emailing, put "ATMP-Baltimore" in the subject line).
Interested in forming an ATMP chapter in your area? Contact usto discuss the possibilities!

Use Your Tax Rebate to Oppose Marriage-Promoting Agendas
New York resident Michael Cammer sent ATMP a check along with a copy of the letter he'd mailed to President Bush. Michael thanked the president for the additional $100 to $200 his tax refund provides to unmarried working parents of young children that equivalent married parents do not receive, and promised to share the refund with "freedom loving charities" including ATMP. Thanks, Michael! You can join Michael and thousands of others who have pledged to share all or part of their refund with organizations whose vision of social justice matches your own. Make a to ATMP online. .

Save the Date: Houseparty in Boston This Fall
Join us for a Boston houseparty to benefit ATMP on Sunday, October 14th from 2 to 4 p.m., where you'll be able to eat, drink, mingle with others who support family diversity, and contribute to ATMP's work! For details, contact uswith your mailing address and we'll send you an invitation (if you already get letters from us at a Boston-area address, you don't need to give us your address again). Want to host a party? You can give your friends the chance to learn a little about the politics of marriage and non-marriage, and help a great cause while they're at it! Contact us to learn about the Alternatives to Marriage Project's houseparty package!

Join Our Letter to the Editor Brigade
Articles about marriage, cohabitation, and alternatives to marriage appear in newspapers and magazines around the country every day. Letters to the editor are a great way to point out misleading or incorrect information, tell the truth about unmarried relationships and families, and let other interested readers know about the Alternatives to Marriage Project. ATMP's Letter to the Editor Brigade is made up of volunteers around the country who are willing to write an occasional letter to the editor. Collectively, Brigade members can make a significant impact in the American debate about families. As a Brigade member, we'll forward you articles we see that we think deserve comment (either praise or criticism), and you can also find your own articles. Your time commitment could be as much or as little as you like. For more information about joining the Brigade, contact us with your city, state, and any information about your situation or interests that may help us "match" you with relevant articles.

In the Media
An article on the marriage movement that ran in dozens of Newhouse newspapers across the country quoted ATMP executive director Dorian Solot. Solot pointed out that promoting marriage based on "very broad sociological averages" doesn't "tell you anything about individual families. If you marry an abusive boyfriend, these statistics won't help you. We need to respect choices, and marriage is not the right choice for every individual."
You can read the article.

Book Buzz

Baby Boon: How Family-Friendly America Cheats the Childless, by Elinor Burkett (Free Press, 2000)
Reviewed by Larry Roth

For those who find themselves on the short end of the family-friendly stick, I highly recommend Elinor Burkett's Baby Boon. The book is a must for those who want to discover all the ways childless folks are subsidizing married people with children. As Burkett points out, these subsidies don't go to poor single parents. In fact, the less needy the family is, the more subsidy they are likely to get.

As we enter a new century, which in its first year has seen a tax cut enacted that includes a $1,500 tax credit for those who have children, we need to remember that every subsidy must come from somewhere. Every dollar given to those with children comes partially from those of us without children. As Burkett points out, we should question why it is more noble to raise children than it is to take care of our elderly. Why subsidize one and not the other?

Burkett's book is a cry for reason in a world that defines "family" very narrowly. It is a must-read for those who are tired of the upper middle classes depending on the enforced kindness of strangers through tax laws that are punitive to the childless.

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If you've read a recently-published book that you think might interest others who like to ponder marriage and non-marriage, we you to submit a couple of paragraphs about it for possible publication in this section of our newsletter! Book reviews published in the Alternatives to Marriage Update are the opinion of the reviewer, not necessarily the opinion of ATMP.

Sizzling Statistics

Thanks to Stacey Slaughter for her help compiling the statistics and news in this issue! If you'd like to learn about becoming a volunteer news compiler for a future issue of the Update (we find the articles, you edit them by email from any location), contact us.

Unmarried Birth Rate Stays Relatively Stable
A new report from the Center for Health Statistics found that the proportion of births to unmarried women changed very little between 1994 (32.6%) and 2000 (33.1%). However, the number of births to unmarried women increased 3% in 2000 to the highest number ever reported for the United States. The increase is due to an increase in the birth rate for unmarried women (still below the 1994 peak) and to a slight increase in the population of unmarried women of childbearing age. The number of births to unmarried teens continued to decline.

Most in England & Wales Approve of Cohabitation
A new report on marriage in England and Wales found 67% of men and 59% of women in these countries think it is all right for a couple to live together without getting married. Sixty-three percent of men and 60% of women said they think it is a good idea to live together before marriage. Of men under 35 who were currently cohabiting, most said they planned to marry eventually, and 14% said they would remain together unmarried.

News From the United States

Constitutional Amendment Proposed to Limit Marriage
A coalition led by the Alliance for Marriage wants to amend the U.S. Constitution to say that marriage can only be between a man and woman, and that federal and state laws cannot require that unmarried couples and groups receive the legal rights traditionally associated with marriage. The amendment would require ratification by both houses of Congress and legislatures of 38 states to become law. Some legal experts warn that if the amendment were adopted, it could take away legal protections that same-sex and different-sex couples already receive through domestic partnership policies, civil unions, and other laws. The Alternatives to Marriage Project strongly opposes this proposed amendment, which has the potential to do enormous harm to unmarried people of all sexual orientations.
Read more about the proposal.
Read some arguments against it.
Add your name to a petition opposing it.

Wade Horn Confirmed as HHS Leader
Despite the opposition of nearly 100 organizations including ATMP, the NAACP, the National Organization for Women, and the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, Wade Horn was confirmed as the Assistant Secretary for Family Support at the Department of Health and Human Services. Horn's position makes him the federal government's top official overseeing over 60 child and family programs including ones for welfare, child support, child welfare, adoption, child care, and social services. Senator Paul Wellstone of Minnesota was the only one who spoke against Horn's confirmation, commenting that Horn's efforts to end poverty by promoting marriage are misguided.

ACLU Says Georgia Should Recognize Civil Union in Custody Case
The American Civil Liberties Union recently filed a brief advocating recognition of a woman's same-sex civil union in a Georgia custody battle. The woman has been denied visitation with her children because she lives with her female partner, violating a clause in her custody agreement barring her from living with someone to whom she is not married. Because the woman and her partner obtained a civil union in Vermont, the ACLU hopes to pressure Georgia to recognize the civil union as making the women legally related.
Because of the value of maintaining ties between parents and their children, the Alternatives to Marriage Project believes that custody agreement clauses that remove visitation rights if a parent cohabits are unfair and ultimately harm children. We agree with the ACLU that this woman's cohabitation status should not affect her right to see her children. However, we are concerned that the case could set a precedent forcing same-sex couples to obtain civil unions in order to be legally protected, similar to the way different-sex couples already encounter this kind of coersion to marry. The U.S. would protect more individuals, children, and families by expanding the list of relationships that receive protections, rather than limiting it.

Utah Charges Man with Sodomy, Dismisses Challenge to Law
A 19 year old Utah man was charged with sodomy for having consensual oral sex with a 16 year old female. He is the first person to be charged under the state's sodomy law, which applies only to unmarried people, in over a decade. On the same day the man was charged with sodomy, a Utah court dismissed a lawsuit brought by five plaintiffs challenging the state's sodomy and fornication laws. The court said that because people are seldom prosecuted under the laws, the plaintiffs were not in imminent danger.

Cohabiting Daycare Provider Keeps License for Now
A 61 year old home daycare provider recently came under the scrutiny of the state of Virginia licensing officials who threatened not to renew her license because she lives with a cohabiting partner. Officials granted the woman an extension while deciding whether to renew her license.

News From Around the World

Australian Court Treats Unmarried Couple like Marrieds for Property Division
Australia's Supreme Court of Appeals overturned a decision involving a long-term unmarried couple whose relationship ended. The woman, a homemaker, had originally been awarded $100,000 as her share of the couple's $600,000 property which was in both partners' names even though the man had been the sole financial contributor. The new decision gives her half the money, the same share she would have received had the couple been married.

Turkey To Require Virginity Tests for Nursing Students
Turkey's health minister is requiring unmarried nursing students to undergo "virginity tests" supposedly to protect them from prostitution and "underage" sex. The head of the Association of Turkish Nurses pleaded with the health minister to reconsider. Since virginity is highly prized in Muslim Turkey, this practice was commonplace until 1999 when it was banned after five girls took rat poison rather than submit to the test.
In the United States most medical experts agree that there is no way to "test" whether a woman has had sexual intercourse.

Stigma Prevents Unmarried Malaysians from Getting Pap Smears
In Malaysia, social stigma is preventing unmarried women from receiving pap smears to test for cervical cancer because they fear admitting they are sexually active. The vice president of the Johor Family Planning Association said that because of stigma, sexually active unmarried women are afraid of being judged immoral.

Japan to Allow Female Employees to Use Maiden Names
In a recent decision the Japanese government will officially allow women to use their maiden names at work, in telephone directories, in bylines in print, and on personal identification cards. The chief Cabinet secretary also ordered ministries to study measures allowing women to use their maiden names on passports and driver's licenses.

British Art Academy Criticized for Excluding Unmarried Partners
The British Royal Academy is being accused of discrimination for allowing members of its Friends organization to bring spouses to exhibitions free of charge, but not allowing the same treatment for same-sex or different-sex partners. Formerly, the Academy allowed same-sex partners to attend for free, as spouses can. Prominent artists condemned the change.

British Transsexual's Marriage Declared Void
A British Court of Appeal upheld a ruling declaring void the civil marriage of a male-to-female transsexual, Elizabeth Bellinger. The court says that Bellinger cannot be considered female because her legal gender is based on a person's birth certificate. Bellinger married a man 20 years ago. In the United States, how gender is legally determined varies from state to state.

Britain May Compensate Unmarried War Widow
The unmarried partner of a soldier who was killed in Sierra Leone may receive financial help from the British government, after it denied her the war pension she would have received had the couple been married. The two had been together for 8 years, and the woman was pregnant with their daughter at the time of her partner's death. The government was accused of hypocrisy after MPs voted to grant pensions to their own partners. The Ministry of Defense is reviewing its regulations affecting unmarried couples.

Nova Scotia Extends Adoption Rights to Partners
A landmark court ruling in Nova Scotia, Canada gives same-sex couples the right to adopt. A Supreme Court judge handed down the decision that stated that the law preventing same-sex adoption was unconstitutional and discriminated against all unmarried couples. This ruling will also expand the rights of children of unmarried different-sex couples, allowing them to register their relationships with both parents, receive maintenance from both parents, and expand their inheritance rights.

Germany Creates Partnership Status for Same-Sex Couples
A new German law allows same-sex couples to form "registered life partners," giving them inheritance rights, the right to share a common last name, and immigration rights for foreign partners. Registering does not give couples the same tax privileges or adoption rights that married couples receive.

Domestic Partner News (U.S.)

Milwaukee Union, Others Get Domestic Partner Benefits
Milwaukee city officials approved a contract with the city's largest union that extends health benefits to same-sex and different-sex unmarried partners of employees. In May the city had voted to reject a proposal that would have provided the benefits only to same-sex couples. The following employers recently announced or implemented domestic partner benefits, according to the Human Rights Campaign: Alaska Air; Avis Group Holdings; County of San Diego, California; County of Summitt, Colorado; Harris Interactive; Interface Software; Lois Paul & Partners; Pacific Broadband Communications; and Software AG.

California DP Bill Advances
A bill in favor of expanding benefits to registered domestic partners was recently approved by a 4-2 vote of the Senate Judiciary Committee in California. If approved, the bill would allow domestic partners to seek economic and emotional damages in wrongful death suits and provide more widespread benefits to registered partners. In California, same-sex partners and different-sex couples over age 62 may register as domestic partners.

Georgia County Rejects Domestic Partner Benefits
County commissioners in Fulton County, Georgia voted to reject proposals to provide benefits to county employees' domestic partner benefits. County commissioner Emma Darnell said discrimination on the basis of marital basis does not meet the legal definition of discrimination. "If you get married, we will add your spouse to our benefits; if you choose to shack, we will not," she said.

Quoteworthy

"The idea that romance-based marriage is the highest human aspiration and the ultimate female good pervades American culture. It is bolstered by the notion that individuals -- especially women -- find ultimate fulfillment in a sanctioned, monogamous, sexual partnership and that those without spouses are fragmentary 'single' beings whose lives are in error."
- Jaclyn Geller in Here Comes the Bride: Women, Weddings, and the Marriage Mystique (2001), p. 382