Alternatives to Marriage Update:
August-September 2002

In this issue:
In the Media
- Fairness Message Reaches Hundreds of Media Outlets Last Month

Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project
1) List AtMP in Your Commitment Ceremony or Wedding Registry
2) AtMP Perspective Featured in Textbooks
3) Fall Intern and Volunteer Positions Available
4) New Delivery Method for This Update

Community Announcements
Book Buzz: Just Living Together
Sizzling Statistics
News From the United States
News From Around the World
Domestic Partner News (U.S.)
Quoteworthy

In the Media

Fairness Message Reaches Hundreds of Media Outlets Last Month

The Alternatives to Marriage Project had hundreds of television, radio, and print media appearances in the last month (see list below), as we were asked to provide insights on four different major reports and releases.

What We Talked About:

1) A smart, provocative new article in the journal Family Process. In it, psychologist William Pinsof argues that since the average length of marriage has been about the same (15-20 years) for over 600 years, we should be realistic that lifelong marriage may not be the norm for all people. He advocates for increasing acceptance of divorce and cohabitation as part of "normal" family life. To read more quotes from his article, see our Experts Speak page.

2) Two new reports, one by the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and one by researcher and Marriage Movement supporter Scott Stanley, addressed cohabitation, marriage, and divorce. Many headlines drew the conclusion that the report found that cohabitation caused an increase in divorce risk, but many experts (including the authors of the CDC report) disagreed with that conclusion. AtMP responded to some of the misinformation at http://www.unmarried.org/cdc2002.html .

3) New data show that cohabitation is growing among senior citizens. Executive Director Dorian Solot was quoted in a national Associated Press article commenting, "There aren't many trends where grandparents are imitating their grandchildren, but cohabitation is one of them."

This month's TV appearances: CNN Talkback Live, The O'Reilly Factor, MSNBC Dayside News

This month's radio features: The Ollie North Show (national), the Gary Nolan show (national), Chris Moore Show (Pittsburgh), Fresh Fruit (Minneapolis/St. Paul), the Gill Gross Show (Los Angeles), the John Carlson show (Seattle), Let's Talk Long Island, the Sterling Show (Columbus), WDAO (Dayton), WGY (Albany), the WOR Morning Show (New York), and the Arnie Arnesen Show (New Hampshire and Minneapolis/St. Paul).

This month's newspaper quotes: USA Today, three different national Associated Press articles that ran in newspapers around the country, the New York Post, and the Daily Universe (Brigham Young University).

This month's online magazine quotes: Discovery Health, DivorceMagazine.com, HealthScout.com, and HipMama.com

You can read some of these articles:

Study: Divorce, Living Together Now Norms (USA Today)

Census: More Elderly Live Together (Associated Press(

Stats Show What Makes Marriages Work (Associated Press)

Happily Unmarried (Discovery Health)

Cohabitation Nation (DivorceMagazine.com)

Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project

1) List AtMP in Your Commitment Ceremony or Wedding Registry

Many partners who get married or celebrate their unmarried love with a ceremony are encouraging their guests to donate to the Alternatives to Marriage Project. It's a way to make your event contribute to the movement for fairness for all, regardless of marital status, sexual orientation, or family form. Including AtMP as a charity in your registry is easier than ever, because AtMP is listed with the online charity gift registries Felicite.com and JustGive.org (Felicite allows couples to register for both items from major stores and gifts to charities; JustGive lists only charities). Thanks for supporting AtMP's work while you celebrate your relationship!

2) AtMP Perspective Featured in Textbooks

The brand new edition of the college text Taking Sides: Clashing Views on Controversial Issues in Human Sexuality (8th edition) includes the National Marriage Project's report on cohabitation, followed by our response: "Ten Problems (Plus One Bonus Problem) With The National Marriage Project's Cohabitation Report." The book is available through local and online booksellers. Instructors can order a complimentary copy: http://www.dushkin.com/text-data/catalog/0072480629.mhtml?SECTION=TOC .

College students tell us AtMP is now listed as a resource in several textbooks, including Sociology: A Brief Introduction (4th ed.) by Richard Schaefer, and Human Sexuality: Meeting Your Basic Needs, by Christine Miracle, Andrew Miracle, and Roy Baumeister. If you see AtMP in yours, let us know! Our report, Let Them Eat Wedding Rings: The Role of Marriage Promotion in Welfare Reform will also be taught on campuses throughout the country this fall. Download your copy at http://www.unmarried.org/rings.php.

3) Fall Intern and Volunteer Positions Available

We already miss our summer interns, Liesel Kuhr and Laurie Nelson, who kept things running smoothly in the office this summer and boosted AtMP's productivity. Starting now, AtMP has positions available for an intern or volunteer in our Providence/Boston-area office. The time commitment could range from a few hours to a few days per week. To discuss the possibilities, please contact us. To read about volunteer opportunities available from any location, go to our Support AtMP page, http://www.unmarried.org/getinvolved.html .

4) New Delivery Method for This Update

This is the first issue of the Alternatives to Marriage Update sent over our new listserv, AtMP-Announce. You'll still get just one message a month, but the listserv makes it easier for us and you to manage your subscription. AtMP-Announce is an announcements-only list (unlike our other list, AtMP-Talk). Instructions for unsubscribing are at the end of this message.

Community Announcements

Group Offers Scholarships to Unmarried Moms The Raise the Nation Foundation is offering grants to single women to continue their educations or re-pay education loans. Solo single, cohabiting, and lesbian and bisexual unmarried parents are all eligible to apply. To learn more, see http://www.raisethenation.org. Raise the Nation is a project of Insanity House( http://www.insanityhouse.com ), a nonprofit organization advocating for single parents and non-traditional families.

Book Buzz

Just Living Together: Implications of Cohabitation on Families, Children, and Social Policy, edited by Alan Booth and Ann Crouter (2002)

Reviewed by Dorian Solot

Just Living Together is a collection of sixteen academic articles about cohabitation, originally presented at a symposium by the same name I attended in 2000. Though it probably isn't the kind of friendly, accessible read that would appeal to the average unmarried couple, it's a great new collection for students, academics, and others with an interest in understanding the demographic and sociological research on the subject.

The anthology includes particularly fascinating articles by many of the world's leading experts on cohabitation. Kathleen Kiernan writes about cohabitation trends across Western Europe; Pamela Smock and Sanjiv Gupta providing an overview of the demographics of cohabitation in North America; Wendy Manning writes on children in cohabiting families; and Wendell Primus and Jennifer Beeson address policy issues that affect poor cohabiting families.

I hope that the title of the book, Just Living Together, was meant ironically -- if not, it's a perfect example of the way unmarried relationships and families are considered less serious than other family forms. Either way, the articles within this collection definitely give cohabitation the serious consideration it deserves.

(Note on ordering: while this book's list price is $59.95, it can be ordered prepaid from the publisher for $32.50. Contact This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it or 800-926-6579.)

Sizzling Statistics

Cohabitation Growing in Israel

A survey shows that 26% of married Israelis lived with their spouses before marriage and 19% lived with another partner whom they did not marry. About 3.2% of the Jewish population in Israel currently live together without being married, growing at a steady rate of about one percent a year. Prof. Yohanan Peres of Tel Aviv University calls cohabitation the modern version of engagement.

Cohabitation Growing Among Seniors

U.S. Census data shows that the number of households containing an unmarried man and woman, at least one of whom is over age 65, grew 60% between 1990 and 2000, to 203,000 households. Of these, 112,000 couples said they were unmarried partners, but that is widely believed to be a significant undercount.

Young Brits Can't Afford To Marry

A new survey from Halifax, Britain found that one in seven twentysomethings said they could not afford to get married. Two thousand people were surveyed.

News From the United States

Thanks to Liesel Kuhr for compiling the news for this issue of the Update! Thanks, too, to Laurie Nelson and Sarah Blodgett for compiling last month's news (we inadvertantly forgot to thank them)!

Bush: Proposed Bill Doesn't Push Marriage Enough

After Senate Democrats unveiled their proposed bill welfare bill, President Bush expressed his unhappiness that it would allocate only one-third of the $300 million that he sought for programs that promote marriage. "That doesn't make sense to me," Bush said. "As a matter of fact, some of the money that they believe ought to be spent on so-called family building will go to programs that have nothing to do with promoting marriage." The House has already passed a bill which includes the $300 million allocation. Because there is no evidence that policies to "promote marriage" help reduce poverty, AtMP strongly opposes spending welfare dollars on these kinds of programs. To learn more, see our report, "Let Them Eat Wedding Rings: The Role of Marriage Promotion in Welfare Reform," at http://www.unmarried.org/rings.php.

New Law Makes Marriage Easier in Maine
Couples can fill out the paperwork and get married the same day in Maine thanks to changes in state law, the first overhaul of the state's marriage laws since the 1950s. The new law that went into effect last month eliminates the three-day waiting period after obtaining a marriage license.

Some Hotels Impose Marrieds-Only Requirement
Some Christian hotels and bed and breakfasts around the country are requiring that couples present proof that they are married. One owner said that guests staying in her hotel would appreciate knowing that "the beds are undefiled." But other Christian hotel owners say that "part of Christian hospitality is to accept anyone who comes, regardless of creed, sexual orientation or marital status," and point out that it's hard to be sure who is married.

News From Around the World

Ontario Court Rules in Favor of Same-Sex Marriage
The Ontario Superior Court recently decided that prohibiting same-sex marriage is unconstitutional and a violation of the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms. This ruling gives the federal and Ontario provincial governments two years to change the definition of marriage to include same-sex couples. The judges acknowledged that there is more to marriage as a societal institution than procreation, and that same-sex marriage would neither affect the rights or interests of different-sex couples nor threaten freedom of religion.

Canadian Feds May Leave Marriage to Religious Groups

The Canadian federal government, faced with a court ruling that would allow same-sex couples to get legally married, is considering withdrawing from the marriage business and leaving it to religious institutions. The prospect of abandoning regulation of marriage, however, is still in its infancy and many issues have yet to be examined, including the impact it would have on divorce. If you're interested in the idea of abolishing marriage as a legal category, check out the book The Neutered Mother, The Sexual Family, and Other Twentieth Century Tragedies, by legal theorist Martha Fineman. In it, she argues that this approach to family law would be more fair.

Canada Gets First Gay Civil Union

In Canada, two gay men made history by becoming the first same-sex couple to be joined in a civil union, taking advantage of a new provincial law in Quebec that allows "common-law" unions of same-sex couples. Unlike in the U.S., Canadian unmarried couples receive broad rights in "common law unions" similar to those received by married couples. Now, same-sex couples are also eligible to form common law unions.

Nigerian Court Considers Stoning Death Appeal
An Islamic court in Nigeria has adjourned to consider the verdict in the appeal of a woman sentenced to death by stoning for bearing a child without being married. The case is the second such case to have aroused controversy in the country and around the world. The other woman's conviction was overturned, and campaigners hope to put pressure on the government to end northern Nigeria's return to Islamic law.

Australia Considers Overhaul of Divorce Laws
Several Australian leaders have expressed alarm at the tripling of the country's divorce rate since 1975 and below-replacement birthrate, and proposed tax incentives to couples who sign away their rights to no-fault divorce. The proposed system would create two kinds of marriages, a civil type that either spouse could end, or "an indissoluble arrangement that would attract certain benefits."

Taiwan May Require Couples to Register Marriages
The Taiwanese Ministry of Justice may change a legal code to require married couples to register their marriage with the government, rather than simply hold a witnessed ceremony. By recognizing only registered couples, the country would narrow its definition of which relationships and families are seen as "legitimate," following the trend of most developed countries. Some are concerned that married couples could see their marriages invalidated.

Domestic Partner News (U.S.)

Bill Would Extend DP Benefits to Federal Employees
Two Minnesota Democrats, Sen. Mark Dayton and Sen. Paul Wellstone, recently introduced legislation to extend health, retirement and life insurance benefits to same-sex partners of federal employees. They said that in their opinion, the federal government should be leading the push for equity in the workplace, not hindering it. Furthermore, they said, withholding insurance benefits from same-sex couples is an issue of unequal pay for equal work, and needs to be addressed. AtMP is a long-time supporter of domestic partner benefits, but we believe that it is discriminatory to make them available only to same-sex couples. Please contact these senators and encourage them to make their bill inclusive of all couples who meet the definition of domestic partners! For our arguments, see our letter to the editor.

Indianapolis Decides Against DP Benefits

The city of Indianapolis recently decided not to provide health care benefits to the domestic partners of city workers. Critics said the plan would undermine the institution of marriage, and the Republican members of the Rules and Public Policy Committee used their majority position to kill the measure. In nearby Bloomington, where a domestic partners health care benefit has been in place for more than six years, city officials said Indianapolis was making a mistake.

California Considers DP Benefit Requirement

Companies that do not provide domestic partner benefits would be prohibited from doing business with the state under legislation moving through the California Senate. It would make the state the first to mandate that private sector contractors provide partner benefits. Five California local governments, including San Francisco and Los Angeles, already use a similar policy.

Quoteworthy

"Cohabitation without children or marriage needs to be viewed not only as a legitimate end-state in itself, but also as a legitimate form of pre-marriage." - William Pinsof, family psychologist and President of the Family Institute at Northwestern University, in Family Process, vol 41. 2., 2002