I never really thought I could choose to be single. I figured this was something that happened to you if you didn't find someone. As I emerged from my last relationship break-up, confused and hurt, I looked for a better way to bring happiness and fulfillment into my life. Something better than putting all my eggs into the relationship basket. I started reading books about being single and it slowly dawned on me: I have always been happier during those times I had been single, which happened for long stretches of time since I am also a single mother. Somehow I stumbled onto AtMP during this time of reflection and learning, maybe through one of the books I was inhaling to learn about living single. I was invited to an Open House in 2007 where I received more information about the organization and excitedly joined. The more I learned about AtMP, the more I wanted to be an active part of the group. It seemed logical to join the board to formalize this participation. I joined the board officially in the Fall of 2008. My goal for my board membership is to ensure the full integration of the singles advocacy work into AtMP. Given AtMP's history, singles activism isn't (yet) the main focus. Because fighting singlism also fights discrimination based on marital status, I will advocate that we take the broader approach and fight against conjugal status discrimination. Being coupled shouldn't make a person more valuable and rights need to be based on needs rather than relationship status.

In the early part of 2008, I combined my birthday celebration with a commitment ceremony. I decided that it was time to commit myself fully to myself, especially since I had a history of getting lost in relationships. Since then, I've actively pursued and explored being single by choice. I realized that choosing to be single is a valid way of being - despite the pressures to believe otherwise from our couple-centric society. I do not have to be coupled to be complete. As I explore this choice, I meet internal and external resistance - cultural conditioning that I am trying to overcome. People told me that I shouldn't reject the possibility to find The One. I pointed out that by choosing one person as The One, we are also rejecting all the other possible The Ones. Plus, as an atheist, I have a hard time believing that there is a soul-mate out there - somehow the idea of soul seems to interfere... It is also not really about rejection. My choice to remain single has opened me up to a slew of relationships: My friendships have deepened considerably because I invest more time and work into them.

If you would like to learn more about me, please visit my blog at www.rabe.org , which I update more or less regularly. I look forward to fighting for true equality for all.