Around fifteen I began to question the strangely unquestioned goal of my peers.

The race toward marriage as the ultimate sign of adulthood already fueled those around me -- with stigma the understood burden of those who would remain unhitched. Despite growing up in a relatively forward-thinking city, we had learned to find it odd for a person to lead an unmarried life. It was understood that such a person must have some shortcoming holding her back -- or that, at the very least, she’d simply missed the boat. Unless we too wished to to be left ashore waving handkerchiefs in the air while the “real” grownups set sail, we would have to get married. There was, it seemed, no question.

That very lack of questioning was what troubled me. I may not have known fancy terms like heteronormative just yet, but was disconcerted to find how unwilling people were to discuss marriage. Although no one wanted to give it real thought, everyone seemed anxious to hop aboard.

By the end of college, I felt certain that the man-and-wife schema was something toward which people should not be forcibly urged like so many soup cans on a cashier’s conveyor belt. How could an institution so widespread not be at least thought about, discussed? Yet even my progressive friends didn’t always want to think critically. Although some were themselves hurtling toward marriage, they were uncomfortable stepping back to ask why.

Needless to say, finding AtMP was golden. First an intern, then a volunteer, now a board member, I’ve come to view AtMP as a place of respite. It has been said before, but I’ll say it again: it’s a relief to know there are people who don’t squinch their noses upon hearing different views on marriage, to know that AtMPers understand the myriad reasons one might not get married -- and a relief to know that, amongst a truly diverse group with a whole spectrum of ideas, we are all willing to discuss them.

We’ve got our work cut out for us, it’s true. It’ll take real effort to create a more accepting culture, one that values the various family structures already in place, that recognizes marriage as one of many valid options. It will take hard work to ensure that everyone, from your senator to your aunt, begins to move past discrimination -- to stop taxing you more, leaving you without healthcare, or acting like you’re not grown up till your partner becomes Husband or Wife. But the fact that a bunch of gay/bi/hetero/single/not single/poly/monogamous/married/formerly-married/never-been-married/you-name-it folks have come together to foster discourse and progress? That’s enough to make working for AtMP a pleasure.