For Immediate Release

January 20, 2007

To the Editor:

David Brooks prefers to shame and stigmatize, rather than help real individuals, relationships and families to thrive. Being unmarried is not being "trapped in a no man's land between solitude and marriage." It is often a smart, life-affirming choice.

Using marriage as "a social machine" penalizes the unmarried. Government policies reward marriage by withholding benefits from unmarried people. Given that one-third of children live in unmarried households, better policy would offer all parents the relationship skills, economic opportunities, health insurance and so on they need to succeed.

Three cheers for unmarried people who "don't want to marry until they are financially secure and emotionally mature." Ideally, people should be secure and mature when they have children, too. But pushing marriage on unprepared parents simply increases the chances that children will live through divorce. It makes more sense to help single parents succeed as parents than to push them into risky marriages.

Nicky Grist
Executive Director
Alternatives to Marriage Project
Brooklyn, Jan. 18, 2007

(as published in the New York Times on January 20, 2007)

The original column is available on the New York Times. but is only available with a paid subscription.