| December 2000 |
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Alternatives to Marriage Update:
In this issue: Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project We're a Non-Profit Organization! The Alternatives to Marriage Project (ATMP) received notification from the IRS that we are now a 501(c)(3) non-profit organization. Among other things, this means that donations you make to the organization are now tax-deductible (as are any donations you made earlier this year), and it makes it easier for us to apply for grants and other programs available only to non-profit organizations. Thanks again to our board of directors, accountant Linda McCarthy, and lawyer Burton Nadler for all their help in achieving this goal. Common Law Marriage Fact Sheet Available Common law marriage is undoubtedly among the most misunderstood legal aspects of marriage and non-marriage. In response to the many questions we receive on this subject, we've published a new fact sheet on common law marriage. It explains how common law marriage works (contrary to popular belief, living together seven years does NOT automatically produce a common law marriage!), provides a list of the states that recognize common law marriage, and explores the legal implications for couples who do or do not live in these states. The fact sheet can be downloaded for free from our website at http://www.unmarried.org/common.html. To receive a paper copy, send a self-addressed stamped envelope to the address at the end of this email. ATMP Debates Marriage Movement at National Press Club In November, ATMP Co-Founder Marshall Miller debated Maggie Gallagher, co-author of the book The Case for Marriage, an event sponsored by the Independent Women's Forum and held at the National Press Club. While Gallagher argued that government and society should favor married people, Miller said that we should value family diversity based on principles of equal opportunity, fairness, and individual liberty. Thanks to the ATMP supporters who came to hear the debate! Join Our Letter to the Editor Brigade Articles about marriage, cohabitation, and alternatives to marriage appear in newspapers and magazines around the country every day. Letters to the editor are a great way to point out misleading or incorrect information, tell the truth about unmarried relationships and families, and let other interested readers know about the Alternatives to Marriage Project. We're forming a Letter to the Editor Brigade of volunteers around the country who are willing to write an occasional letter to the editor. Collectively, Brigade members could make a significant impact on the voices that are heard in the American debate about families. As a Brigade member, we'd forward you articles we see that we think deserve comment (either praise or criticism), and you could also find your own articles in the publications you read. We'd also send tips for writing letters to the editor, and we'd be available to provide feedback or editing on letters if you like. Your time commitment could be as much or as little as you like. For more information about joining the Brigade, contact us. Tapes of AAMFT Plenary Available Several people expressed interest in learning more about the plenary panel at the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapy conference, where Miller spoke about "Till Death Do Us Part? Family Therapy and the Marriage Movement" along with Maggie Gallagher, Lorraine Blackman, Howard Markman, and moderator Karen Peterson of USA Today. Video and audiotapes of the panel are available for purchase through the conference taping company at http://www.infomedix.org/aamft or 800-776-5454. The item to request is #V00-G3 (videotape) or #G3 (audiotape). In the Media Bergen Record Quotes ATMP on Christian Marriage Statement A New Jersey newspaper reported on a declaration issued by a coalition of Catholic, Protestant, and Evangelical Christian organizations rejecting same-sex marriage and unmarried cohabitation and pledging to "strengthen traditional marriage." ATMP Executive Director Dorian Solot was quoted as saying, "If people truly care about the health and well-being of families today, they would spend their energy validating and supporting existing families rather than attacking them." College Magazine, Website Mention ATMP The MIT-Wellseley journal Counterpoint quoted Solot about the reasons some couples choose not to marry. She pointed out that contrary to the stereotype about men who don't want to commit, among heterosexuals in long-term unmarried relationships, it's "nearly always the woman, no the man, who feels strongly about not getting married." The website StudentAdvantage.com ran an article that first appeared in Penn State's Daily Collegian about the cohabitation symposium that took place there this fall. The article quotes Miller and Solot talking the challenges facing cohabiting couples. On Board New Member Joins ATMP Board Ashton Applewhite, author of the book Cutting Loose: Why Women Who End Their Marriages Do So Well (available from Amazon.com and soon from ATMP), has joined the ATMP board of directors. Ashton hails from New York and is a member of the Council on Contemporary Families. Welcome, Ashton! ATMP Board Member Wins Activist Award Jeremy Pittman, a member of the Alternatives to Marriage Project's board of directors, was recently honored by Citizens for Participation in Political Action for his activism. Through his work as chair of the Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender Political Alliance of Massachusetts, Jeremy was a primary organizer in the efforts to gain domestic partnership benefits for state employees. Congratulations, Jeremy! Book Buzz With or Without a Man: Single Women Taking Control of Their Lives, by Karen Gail Lewis (Bull Publishing Company, 2001) Reviewed by Dorian Solot Most self-help books for single people fall into two categories: those that tell you how to find a mate, and those that tell you how to happy without one. What sets With or Without a Man apart from the pack is that it recognizes the need to do both, to "grapple with the full complexities of being single -- the pros AND the cons." Written for heterosexual women in their thirties through their sixties, With or Without a Man breaks down the issues single women face into clear categories. These include dealing with issues of self-blame for being single, making decisions about children, the need for intimacy and sex, preparing for old age, and clarifying your thinking about men. Each chapter includes stories from real women's lives, advice from the therapist author, and exercises and self-assessments readers can do. With or Without a Man's recognition of complexity (including the fact that even when they desire a partner, marriage is not the goal for all women) is its strength, making it a worthwhile read for the women for whom it applies. (If you've read a recently-published book that you think might interest others who like to ponder marriage and non-marriage, we invite you to write a couple of paragraphs about it for this section of our newsletter!) You can read the book reviews in archived issues of our newsletter at http://www.unmarried.org/newsletters/ . Heartfelt Thanks Thank you to E.J. Applewhite, Woody Glenn, Pete Chvany, Alan Hamilton, and Pepper Greene, Aspasia Frederick, and Donald Kimmelman for their recent donations! The end of the year is a wonderful time to make a gift to the Alternatives to Marriage Project. Your gift is fully tax-deductible. Thanks to all who have sent their support to ensure that relationships and families are supported, both married and unmarried. You can send a check to ATMP, P.O. Box 991010, Boston, MA 02199. Or call us (518-462-5600) to charge your donation to your credit card. You can show your ongoing support for ATMP making a one-time, monthly, or quarterly credit card gift. Thank you! Tidbits Did Nebraska Accidentally Legalize Polygamy? In a ballot blunder in Nebraska, the language "only marriage between a man and a woman shall be valid" was incorrectly printed as "only marriage between a man and a women" in three counties. The secretary of state says the one-letter mistake shouldn't change the outcome of the amendment. Most Movie Sex Is Among Unmarrieds Researchers at the University of North Texas say there's not enough sex between married couples in the movies. Charted every sex scene in 1998's top 25 video rentals, they found that 85 percent of movie sex is between unmarried people. British Group Changes Name from Marriage to Relationships The British professional organization for sex and couples' issues changed its name and the name of its journal, taking marriage out of the titles of both. While the journal was previously called Sexual and Marital Therapy, this year it became Sexual and Relationship Therapy. Sizzling Statistics Young British Approve of Sex Without Marriage A British social attitudes survey found that nearly two-thirds of 18- to 24-year-olds considered premarital sex to be "not wrong at all," but only 26% of people over 65 agreed. Divorce Rates Rise in Japan According to Japanese Health and Welfare Ministry statistics, there are four times more divorces in that country now than there were half a century ago. This brings Japan's divorce rate -- two in every 1,000 marriages -- to a record level, though it is still far lower the 37 in every 1,000 marriages that end in divorce in the U.S. Study Finds Number of Parents Has Little Effect on Teen Behavior A new study based on surveys of 10,000 American teenagers analyzed risk factors that made it more likely teens would drink, smoke, use weapons, attempt suicide. or have sex at a young age. Young people from single-parent homes were more likely to engage in troubling behavior than kids living with two parents (including step-parents), according to the report, but only by about 2 percent. Other factors were found to be more important predictors, such as having problems with schoolwork or spending unsupervised time with friends who engage in unhealthy behaviors. News From the United States Thanks to Kathryn Anderson for her help with compiling the news in this issue! If you'd like to learn about becoming a volunteer news compiler for a future issue of the Update (it can be done by e-mail from any location), contact us. Vermont Voters Send Mixed Message About Civil Unions Vermont voters sent a mixed message in response to their state's first-in-the-nation law granting marriage-like rights to same-sex couples. Democratic Governor Howard Dean, who signed the controversial civil unions law earlier this year, easily won a fifth term, beating a conservative Republican who had relied on the strength of a backlash against the gay rights measure. But deep-rooted opposition to Vermont's civil unions law cost the Democrats their majority in the 150-member House. Alabama Strikes Interracial Marriage Ban A solid majority of Alabama voters favored an amendment that would deletes a part of the state's constitution which states that unions between whites and blacks can't be legalized. The passage had been inoperative since the U.S. Supreme Court struck down laws against interracial marriage in 1967. The Confederate Heritage Political Action Committee filed suit against the amendment. Nebraska and Nevada Ban Same-Sex Marriage Two state constitutional amendments to ban recognition of same-sex marriages (though these are not currently legal anywhere in the country) passed by landslides. Nevada's question must be passed again in two years in order to take effect. The Nebraska initiative goes far beyond any of 34 states' similar measures. It blocks not only recognition of marriages, but also of civil unions and domestic partnerships. It will be challenged in court because it could prohibit judges from issuing domestic violence restraining orders to gays and lesbians and prevent members of same-sex couples from giving each other powers of attorney. Clergy Call for Bolstering Marriage Leaders of several major Christian organizations called on churches to do more to strengthen marriage and called unmarried same-sex and different-sex couples "counterfeit alternative relationships." The declaration was signed by senior leaders of the Roman Catholic Church, the Southern Baptist Convention, and the evangelical National Council of Churches of Christ. Several days after the statement was released, the head of the National Council of Churches publicly apologized and withdrew his signature, saying he feared the document would be used to attack gays and lesbians. He said he had not intended support for marriage to be used to condemn same-sex relationships. Vatican Attacks Unmarried & Gay Relationships The Pontifical Council for the Family has released a new document lamenting the steady growth in the number of young unmarried same-sex and different-sex couples living together, attacked the idea of giving legal rights to unmarried couples, and urging priests and politicians to uphold the value of marriage. A Catholic dissident group and Italy's gay community blasted the Vatican for its statements. Chicago Cardinal Advises Priests on Cohabitation In a column in his archdiocese's newspaper, Chicago Cardinal Francis George advised priests to tell couples to stop living together before they get married. Citing John Paul II's advice, he wrote, " [I]t is pastorally a mistake to ignore the fact that a couple preparing for marriage are cohabiting." News From Around the World Germany Grants Same-Sex Marriage Rights The German government's ruling coalition voted unanimously to pass a law allowing same-sex partners to marry, as well as extending the tax and inheritance rights of marriage to gay couples and giving immigration rights to the same-sex partners of German citizens. Couples will be able to register their relationship at state registry offices. The law will take effect next year. Nova Scotia Considers Rights for Same-Sex Partners Nova Scotia's provincial government introduced legislation to extend to same-sex domestic partners the same legal status as different-sex unmarried couples, in order to comply with two court rulings. In Canada, unmarried different-sex partners have long received legal recognition, and the courts have ruled recently that same-sex partners must receive equal treatment. The proposed legislation would create a domestic partner registry and allow couples access to "divorce courts." Couples would have to live together at least three years to be eligible for "common law" rights. African Women Protest Monogamous Men In Kaduna, Nigeria, hundreds of spinsters, divorcees and widows staged a mass protest against men who are married to only one wife, carrying signs that read, "We don't agree with men that have only one wife and refuse to add more." The women said that they are ridiculed for being unmarried and accused of not being compliant with the legal system because of their marital status. The women urged the local department of social services to give the men economic aid so they could afford to have more than one wife. Norway Proposes Equal Taxes for Married and Unmarried Couples The Norway Post reports that the government will probably propose equal income tax rules for unmarried cohabitors and married couples. This would mean a considerable reduction in taxes for cohabitors. Under today's system cohabitors pay around 30 per cent higher income tax than married couples. British Official Says Gov't Should Not Promote Marriage In the ongoing public debate about family policy in Britain, the minister for employment and women said the government should not promote marriage as the ideal context for bringing up children, because doing so would make children of single women and unmarried couples feel inferior. She said, "Governments do not bring up children. I don't think parents want to be told what to do; they want to be given the opportunity to choose what is right for them and their family." Domestic Partner News (U.S.) For general information and resources about domestic partner benefits, see the Resources page on our website, http://www.unmarried.org/res.html. Study Finds One-Fifth of Big Employers Offer DP Benefits A new survey released by Hewitt Associates found that the number of large U.S. companies offering domestic partner benefits has doubled in the past three years. Twenty-two percent of employers currently offer domestic partner benefits, up from 10 percent in 1997. Eighty-five percent of companies indicated that offering domestic partner benefits comprises less than 1 percent of total benefit costs. Sixty-four percent cover both same-sex and opposite-sex partners. San Francisco DP Law Challenged San Francisco's pioneering law that requires city contractors to give unmarried workers' domestic partners the same benefits as married workers' spouses is facing legal challenges from two groups with different motives but the same goal. The Air Transport Association wants to preserve its industry's autonomy, and the Pat Robertson-founded American Center for Law and Justice wants to deny legal recognition to gay and lesbian couples. The city's position is that the ordinance is about equal pay for equal work, since benefits have become such a significant part of compensation. Auto Parts Company, Others Add DP Benefits Delphi Automotive Systems Corp., the world's largest auto parts company, is joining Detroit's automakers in offering medical, dental and prescription drug benefits for same-sex domestic partners. A Delphi spokesperson said, "It's consistent with Delphi's commitment to diversity and also allows us to stay competitive with other Fortune 500 companies." Other employers that recently announced domestic partner benefits according to the Human Rights Campaign include Allstate Insurance Company, BMC Software, Darden Restaurants, Ernst & Young, Kaman Aerospace Corporation, Kraft Foods Inc., Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center, Paine Webber Group,Pitney Bowes, Vanguard Group, and Verizon Wireless. Minneapolis County Seeks State Permission for DP Benefits The Ramsey County, Minnesota Board agreed to seek state legislation that would allow local governments to offer same-sex domestic-partner benefits to employees. The board gave preliminary approval to its 2001 legislative package, which included the proposal for domestic-partner benefits. City councils in St. Paul and Minneapolis both took similar action last month in asking legislators to eliminate the ban on local governments offering domestic-partner benefits. . If passed by the legislature, such a measure would permit but not require local governments to offer health insurance and other job benefits to same-sex domestic partners. New York County Suggests Openness to DP Benefits Months after the Suffolk, New York legislature rejected a proposal to extend health benefits to the unmarried domestic partners of county employees, it has approved a symbolic measure indicating the county executive and unions should consider negotiating such benefits. The resolution says that at least ten lawmakers would not reject a union-negotiated contract containing provisions for same-sex or different-sex partners of employees. Sovereign Bank Decides To Keep DP Benefits Sovereign Bancorp has reconsidered a plan to roll back domestic partner benefits for its New England employees and announced that it would extend them companywide. The decision came after the Human Rights Campaign wrote to Sovereign's president and chief executive officer, detailing why such benefits are a low-cost means of attracting and keeping the best employees. Only two U.S. companies that have ever rescinded domestic partner benefits: Perot Systems Inc. in 1998 and ExxonMobil in 1999. Florida Judge Upholds DP Law A judge rejected a lawsuit brought by a citizen against the city of Gainesville, Florida for its inclusive domestic partner benefits policy. The judge ruled that the citizen had no standing to sue the city over the benefits policy because he was not a city employee, but added that if the man had had standing, he would have ruled against him. University of Colorado Considers DP Benefits The University of Colorado plans to consider extending health care benefits to the same-sex partners of employees. The Board of Regents will discuss and later vote on a proposal to add sexual orientation to the school's nondiscrimination code, which could result in the benefits being added. A similar proposal was voted down in 1999, but members of the voting board have since changed. |
