Ways to be Unmarried
| Living Single |
| Living Together |
| GLBT |
| Polyamory |
| MarriageFree & Boycott |
| Parents & Children |
| Commitment Ceremonies |
| Domestic Partner Benefits |
RSS
| February 2001 |
|
|
|
|
Alternatives to Marriage Update In this issue:
Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project Hot Off the Presses: Unmarried Legal Guide Is Available The long-awaited 10th edition of Living Together: A Legal Guide for Unmarried Couples has arrived! Living Together is by far the best legal reference book on this subject that we've seen. Written in a friendly, easy-to-understand format, Living Together includes information on how unmarried couples can buy a home, parent a child, make a will, and write a "living together agreement" to protect themselves and each other. Since unmarried relationships don't receive the same automatic legal protections that marriages do, we strongly recommend that unmarrieds take the steps to keep themselves safe. For information about how to purchase Living Together, go to our bookstore.html. That page also contains information about The Lesbian and Gay Legal Guide, another excellent book from the same publisher. Milestone: ATMP Represents All 50 States ATMP celebrated a new milestone this month: our mailing list now includes people from every state in the United States! For many months we'd had every state represented but one, but a new member of the mailing list changed that (welcome, South Dakota!). Our growing membership reflects the real diversity of married and unmarried relationships in America, and the fact that unmarried families are everywhere. ATMP Loves Interns Welcome to ATMP's newest intern, Sarah Hale! Sarah is a recent graduate of Dartmouth, and she's already making herself invaluable around the ATMP office tackling projects large and small. ATMP is currently accepting resumes from college students interested in an unpaid summer internship in our Boston-area office. It's a great opportunity to experience the inner workings of a small nonprofit organization, and to make a difference in our day-to-day work. For more information about the internship, go to http://www.unmarried.org/support.html . In the Media Arkansas Paper Quotes Alternatives to Marriage Project (ATMP) Arkansas may be second-to-last when it comes to the number of unmarried couples who live together, but even there, cohabitation is on the rise. A recent article in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette followed one couple who lived together before getting married and another who doesn't plan to marry. ATMP Executive Director Dorian Solot is quoted several times, commenting that commitment and marriage are not necessarily the same thing: "They often go together, but it is certainly possible to have one without the other -- a marriage with ver little commitment or a very committed unmarried couple." Publications Around the Country Feature ATMP Newspaper readers around the country learned about the work of the Alternatives to Marriage Project in the last month, as articles or mentions of the Alternatives to Marriage Project appeared in the Boston Tab, the Courier-Post (New Jersey), the Oneonta (New York) Daily Star, and two of New England's gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender newspapers, In Newsweekly and Bay Windows. Thousands of therapists read about the conference plenary panel in which co-founder Marshall Miller spoke about supporting diverse relationships in the Family Therapy News, the newsletter of the American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy. And Ex Femina, the newsletter of the Independent Women's Forum, printed an excerpt of Miller's arguments from his I Do! I Don't! debate with Maggie Gallagher. You can read some of these articles: Boston Tab, The No-Marriage Couple: Organization May Be the Future of Relationships http://www.townonline .com/metro/boston/04806671.htm Ex Femina, I Do! I Don't! Debating the Case for Marriage: An IWF Panel http://www.iwf.org/pu bs/exfemina/January2001f.shtml Upcoming Events Unmarried Women Photo Exhibit The new photo-text exhibit "Over 30: Portraits of Unmarried Women" was inspired by photographer Barbara Columbo's own experience. Touring at women's centers, universities, libraries, and galleries, Over 30 features striking black and white photographs of heterosexual women along with their observations about being unmarried. For information about bringing the exhibit to your community, contact Chriscomm Management at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it or (570) 675-4933. Book Buzz The Bride Wore Black Leather: And He Looked Fabulous! An Etiquette Guide for the Rest of Us, by Drew Campbell (Greenery Press, 2000) Reviewed by Sarah Hale If you thought that etiquette was an archaic code having no place other than the realm of the outrageously wealthy, Drew Campbell asks that you think again. Campbell reminds us that no matter who we are and what we choose to do, wear, and say, etiquette provides us with a useful set of tools to help us get along with one another. With the wit he employs throughout his helpful guide for "the rest of us," "Campbell declares that etiquette is not "a fetish for obscure pieces of cutlery," but rather a way for everyone to be polite and comfortable in any social situation." Ranging from how to correctly address envelopes to multiple partner families to what to wear to your friend's commitment ceremony, The Bride Wore Black Leather is a useful (and funny) resource for members of alternative communities and friends alike. Although not directed precisely to an unmarried audience, same-sex and different-sex couples alike will no doubt find several helpful answers to alternative etiquette questions that Emily Post never dreamed of. The book is categorized as a set of basic rules of social conduct, each section answering a series of questions. The questions are answered succinctly and craftily, assuring readers that Campbell is indeed a master of "Lady Etiquette." " (If you've read a recently-published book that you think might interest others who like to ponder marriage and non-marriage, we invite you to write a couple of paragraphs about it for this section of our newsletter!) You can read the book reviews in archived issues of our newsletter at http://www.unmarried.org/contact.ht ml . Tidbits Unmarried Mother TV Show Considered The creators of the reality TV phenomenon Big Brother are considering a new show in which unmarried women choose between potential sperm donors. Netherlands-based Endemol productions are in discussions about the new program, believed to have the working title I Want Your Baby, which is still at the planning stage. Sizzling Statistics British Marriage Rates Fall, Civil Weddings Increasingly Popular Marriage rates fell in Britain between 1998 and 1999 with an average of 28.1 men marrying per 1,000 in 1999 compared with 29.2 in 1998. For women, the corresponding fall was from 26.3 per 1,000 in 1998 to 25.6 in 1999. Marrying in a hotel or a stately home is increasingly popular as the number of church weddings continues to fall. Civil ceremonies accounted for 62% of all marriages in 1999 compared with just 49% in 1991, according to figures released by the Office for National Statistics. Average British Man Marries After 30 The average age of marriage for British men has risen above 30 for the first time since records began. Two decades ago it was 26.According to figures from the Office of National Statistics, if the trend continues, 61% of all men between 25 and 44 will be unmarried within 10 years. News From the United States Thanks to Lisa Parkinson for her help with compiling the news and statistics in this issue! If you'd like to learn about becoming a volunteer news compiler for a future issue of the Update (we find the articles, you edit them by email from any location), contact us. Washington Court Considers Ruling on Partners' Property Rights The Washington state supreme court will soon decide whether same-sex couples have the same property rights afforded unmarried different-sex couples. Over the years, the state's courts have developed what is called "meretricious relationship" common law so that property can be divided fairly between people who have lived together a long time but never married. In 1997, a court granted all the joint property of a gay couple who had lived together 30 years to the surviving partner, but an appeals court overturned the decision, saying the law only applies to couples who have the option of marrying but choose not to. The state supreme court will hear the case this month. All Couples Included in New Hampshire Adoption Bill When New Hampshire lawmakers gave gays and lesbians the right to adopt two years ago, they left out one detail: extending that right to same-sex couples. Under current law, adopted children of unmarried couples could be taken away from their primary caregiver if the adoptive parent dies or the couple breaks up. Now, sponsors of the original legislation want to finish what they started. Their proposed legislation would give equal legal foster care and adoption rights and responsibilities to same-sex and different-sex unmarried couples. News From Around the World First Legal Same Sex Wedding in North America The first legal same-sex marriage in North America was performed on Sunday, January 14, 2001 at the Metropolitan Community Church of Toronto. In a double ceremony, Kevin Bourassa married Joe Varnell and Elaine Vautour married Anne Vautour. Under Ontario law, couples that wish to marry can either obtain a license from the clerk of their local municipality or they can have their banns of marriage published (a statement of intent to marry published by the couple's church on several consecutive weeks). Until now, no Church in Ontario has offered to marry same-sex couples by publishing their banns of marriage. Following the ceremony, the minister officiating issued a legal marriage certificate to both couples as provided for under Ontario Law. Malaysian Man Solves Love Triangle by Marrying Both Women A Malaysian man involved in a love triangle solved his dilemma by marrying both women at the same time, the New Straits Times reported. Muslim men are allowed to take up to four wives. Both women said they married of their own free will and their families had agreed. Both have stopped working to become full-time housewives. The Muslim ceremony was attended by close to 4,000 relatives and friends. India Considers Rewarding Unmarried and Childfree In an attempt to control India’s growing population, a legislator has proposed a Bachelor's Allowance Bill, which would give unmarried men a monetary allowance and other generous incentives for signing up. Men who marry after signing up would be imprisoned or fined. Another legislator has proposed a Population Control Bill that would reward childfree couples with free homes, medical care, pensions, and other incentives. Nigerian Authorities Flog Unmarried Mother, Sentence Another Defying pressure from international and domestic groups, Nigerian authorities flogged a 17-year-old Muslim girl 100 times for having unmarried sex, the government said. The case has created a furor in Nigeria, where human rights groups demanded that the sentence be rescinded or at least delayed until the girl stopped breast-feeding her baby, out of fear that the girl would be seriously injured or die. The girl gave birth in December. A second teenage girl in northern Nigeria is awaiting a public flogging after an Islamic court found her guilty of the same offence. Her 23-year-old boyfriend was given 100 lashes with a whip and jailed for one year. Archbishop of Westminster Calls for Promotion of Marriage The Archbishop of Westminster has called on the British Government to put the promotion of marriage as the foundation of family life at the heart of its policies. The Archbishop said support for the institution of marriage as the basis of family life should be explicitly stated in the Government's new White Paper on the family. "All sensible people in this country know that marriage is at the heart of a healthy society," he said. However, many historians and anthropologists believe that the role and definition of marriage has changed dramatically over time and across culture, making universal claims about it questionable. Iran Won't Let Unmarried Women to Study Abroad Iran's Guardian Council, its conservative constitutional watchdog, has rejected a parliamentary bill that would allow unmarried women to study abroad on state scholarships. The bill, which was approved by parliament, would also have allowed unmarried women to travel abroad without their parents' permission. If parliament continues to support the measure, it will go before the Expediency Council for final arbitration. Scotland Says Unmarried Partner Can't Inherit Estate A woman who lived with a man for 23 years has no automatic right to inherit his estate, Scotland’s highest court recently ruled. The Court of Session ruled that, although cohabiting couples can be considered married if they hold themselves out as husband and wife, the couple in question were clear that they chose not to marry. The Department of Social Security, however, has decided that the surviving partner does qualify for a widow's pension. Netherlands to Allow Same-Sex Marriage, Adoption Dutch bills to allow same-sex partners to marry and adopt children have become law, to take effect in April of this year. The bills were signed into law by Queen Beatrix of the Netherlands. Japanese Politician Pushes for Name Choice A Japanese politician is leading a drive to change Japan's laws that require members of a family to have one last name. The politician herself once divorced her husband to get a passport so the name would match her other documents. She remarried him to have their baby, and then filed for divorce again to continue publishing under the byline with which she's built her career. She plans to introduce legislation to change the "one last name per couple" law, but experts say it's unlikely the she will succeed. British Judge Says Same-Sex Partner Is Not "Family" Human rights groups demanded a review of immigration rules this month after a High Court judge barred a same-sex couple from living together in Britain because they did not constitute a "family". A United Nations worker and his Brazilian partner had claimed the right to cohabit under European Union laws, which allow a foreign "spouse" to live with a partner from a member state. Under UK immigration rules, unmarried same-sex and different-sex couples can enter Britain if they prove they have been in a relationship for more than two years. However, the couple chose to claim the partner was a "family member" rather than an unmarried partner. British Military Considers Quarters for Cohabitors Britain's Ministry of Defense Britain is considering allowing unmarried servicemen and women to share living quarters with their partners in an attempt to address the problem of recruiting and retaining personnel. The change is regarded as crucial to solving the services' acute recruitment problems. A spokesman for the Ministry of Defense said: "Society is constantly changing and if we do not change with it we look like fools." More than 12% of people serving in the armed forces are thought to be in long-term unmarried relationships. Ontario May Have To Provide Benefits To Unmarried Women An appeals court reserved a decision which could force the Ontario government to put thousands of unmarried women and their children onto the province's welfare rolls. Since 1995, the rule has deemed two people of different sexes a "couple" from the time they move in together, and restricts them from receiving single-person welfare benefits. Before 1995, people could live together for three years before they were considered a couple. Critics argue that rather than providing equality between married and unmarried couples, the rule incorrectly assumes that women have immediate access to their partner's financial support. Domestic Partner News (U.S.) New York Senate, Others To Offer DPs The Republican leader of the New York State Senate has decided to grant health benefits to domestic partners of senators and Senate employees, the last group of state workers with no such benefits. Most state employees gained the right to include domestic partners in their health coverage six years ago. Other employers that recently announced they would offer domestic partner benefits include Bryan Cave LLP, California Pizza Kitchen Inc., Cendant Corporation, eMotion Inc., the Illinois Institute of Technology, IndyMac Bancorp Inc., and Research Triangle Institute. Milwaukee Union Seeks Same-Sex DP Benefits The American Federation of State, County and Municipal Employees, Milwaukee's largest union of city employees, is asking that workers in registered same-sex relationships receive health, dental and funeral leave benefits. The proposal would require approval from the Common Council, which in1997 rejected a proposed ordinance extending the same benefits. The city has a domestic partner registry that was established in 1999. Houston City Council Debates Same-Sex Partner Benefits The Houston City Council debated whether the city should provide benefits to unmarried partners of city workers, but failed to reach consensus. According to the Houston Chronicle, an unscheduled debate took place when con servative Councilman Rob Todd asked several questions about the makeup of a committee responsible for negotiating the renewal of the city's health insurance contract. He implied that the committee members were meeting secretly and were biased toward offering the benefits. Washington State DP Benefits in Jeopardy A Republican state senator has introduced a measure to overturn a recent decision to extend health care coverage to the same-sex partners of state employees. The senator introduced a bill and filed a lawsuit seeking to have the benefits terminated. Since the benefits took effect in January 2001, 434 state employees have signed up their partners. Broward County, Florida Prepares for DP Battle According to the Miami Herald, a conservative group last week formed a political action committee that will seek to overturn the county's domestic partner ordinance, among other things. The ordinance, which provides benefits to the same-sex and different-sex partners of county employees, also faces a legal challenge. More than 100 people met recently at the Fort Lauderdale Gay and Lesbian Community Center to prepare themselves for any actions the group might take. Quoteworthy "The recent news of Gloria Steinem's marriage is very, very exciting in a way, the idea that a woman over 60 can be free to act relationally in ways that we don't imagine, but on the other hand I worry that it will be read culturally as a sign that, even for feminists, at the end of the day marriage is what really matters." - bell hooks in the magazine Bitch, 2001 (issue number13) |
