Book Review--I Do/I Don't: Queers on Marriage, edited by Greg Wharton and Ian Philips (2004)

Reviewed by Dorian Solot

Even before it was published, I couldn't help but like the new anthology I Do/I Don't: Queers on Marriage . First, editors Greg Wharton and Ian Philips asked if Marshall and I would write a short piece for the book about the need for domestic partner benefits after same-sex marriage exists (we did). Then, they told us they'd like to donate 20% of the book's proceeds in equal parts to the Alternatives to Marriage Project, the ACLU, Freedom to Marry, the International Gay and Lesbian Human Rights Commission, and the National Center for Lesbian Rights (we accepted, gratefully).

I was prepared to like I Do/I Don't before I ever read a word of it. But when I finally got to read the finished product, it was the book itself that wowed me. There's nothing out there quite like it: a thick collection of short essays (most of them 2-4 pages) by over 130 authors with stunningly diverse perspectives on marriage. It contains plenty of authors whose names you might recognize -- Dorothy Allison, Michael Bronski, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Patrick Califia, Margaret Cho, Lisa Duggan, Carol Queen, Eric Rofes, Cecilia Tan, Tristan Taormino, Carmen Vasquez, Evan Wolfson -- but also lots of names you never heard of with something just as interesting to say.

In the book's forward, editors Wharton and Philips explain that they organized the essays (and poems, fiction, sermons, and love letters) alphabetically by author, because "not every piece fits neatly in its category." That's not just an organizational cop-out. What's perhaps most refreshing about I Do/I Don't is the way it breaks out of the mold that GLBT people are either for or against same-sex marriage. It easily shatters the myth that all gay people are breathlessly awaiting their chance to walk down the aisle and live a polite married life, along with the counter-myth that all gay people are family-wreckers eager to warp the institution of marriage into some unrecognizable monstrosity. There are far more "I don't" opinions included than I've ever seen in any assemblage of GLBT perspectives on marriage. But there are also plenty of heartwarming "I do's," and an awful lot of "It depends," "It's more complicated than you think," and "It's not even the right question in the first place."

I Do/I Don't is a fascinating read for anyone interested in the politics of marriage, especially those who have grown tired of the trite right-left debates about same-sex marriage. It's also a gift to teachers and professors, who no doubt will appreciate the ease of assigning their students to read any handful of the short essays and invigorating their students' thinking on a major contemporary political issue. You won't agree with everything you read in this anthology. But you'll probably be impressed by the intelligence, humor, passion, insight, and humanity you'll find in its pages.

You can buy I Do/I Don't: Queers on Marriage directly from Suspect Thoughts Press, or through any online or bricks-and-mortar bookstore.

Some I Do/I Don't readers may also be interested in AtMP's LGBT-Marriagefree Yahoo group, an online list for LGBT people questioning marriage.

Have you read a recently-published book about marriage or alternatives to marriage that you'd like to review for our newsletter and website? Contact newsletter editor Karen Sosnoski at krsosno at aol.com .