Alternatives to Marriage Update
July 2000

In this issue:

Family Diversity Movement Gains Steam
In the Media
Don't Miss ATMP's Dance Party!
Tidbits
Heaps of Thank Yous
News From the United States
News From Around the World
Domestic Partner News (U.S.)

It's been an exciting month at the Alternatives to Marriage Project! Visitors continue to stream into our website (if you haven't seen the homepage lately, check it out -- it's now updated regularly with the latest happenings). We've also emerged as one the leading voices questioning the goals and tactics of the "Marriage Movement" (details below). And thanks to all of you, ATMP continues to grow and provide resources, advocacy, and support to unmarried people.

Family Diversity Movement Gains Steam

Affirmation of Family Diversity Supported by Experts, Public

On June 29th, the Alternatives to Marriage Project released an Affirmation of Family Diversity signed by over 55 experts, authors, therapists, and community leaders. The Affirmation's release coincided with the release of a "Marriage Movement Statement of Principles" (marriagemovement.org) that called for greater emphasis on the importance of marriage.

Two articles in USA Today reported on the marriage movement's statement, quoting ATMP as one of its critics and citing the Affirmation of Family Diversity, and a Washington Times article quoted from the Affirmation. Thanks to all of you who already added your name to the list of signatories. If you haven't signed yet, we welcome additional supporters -- you can read the full Affirmation and add your signature online.

The work is not over! The Affirmation is a long-term project that we hope will continue to attract public attention to the realities and needs of today's families. We hope you'll help us spread the word by letting others know about the Affirmation. On our invite page, you'll find a short invitation that you can copy and email to friends, colleagues, organizations, and lists you think might be interested. Thanks!

In the Media

Gay Magazine Gives Thumbs-Up to Website

The Advocate, a national gay and lesbian news magazine, featured the ATMP website in its web column, Digital Queeries, and called our Frequently Asked Questions page "fantastic."

Policy.com Quotes Us on Marriage Education

The public policy website Policy.com recently published an article on the trend toward requiring high school students to take marriage education classes and giving incentives to engaged couples who take marriage classes. Executive Director Dorian Solot expressed concern about seeing marriage as a "one-size-fits-all institution," and said that ATMP supports teaching communication and conflict resolution skills that might aid any relationship. The article is accompanied by a poll where you can vote on the question, "Should the government provide financial incentives for marriage education?"

Out Magazine Runs Our Letter

The July issue of Out printed a letter to the editor we sent in response to an article about two women who were able to get legally married because one is a male-to-female transsexual. We pointed out that the more complex understanding of gender we gain from transgender and intersex people reveals the danger of granting rights and benefits (i.e. the right to marry) based on the gender. The letter also argued that for the same reasons, domestic partner benefits polices should be inclusive of all domestic partners, rather than restricted to same-sex couples. Inclusive domestic partner benefits policies attract and retain employees, support families, and help create a workplace in which married and unmarried employees are treated fairly. For more information on domestic partner benefits, see our resource page.

Speak Up -- And Let Us Know!

If you encounter articles, radio pieces, or television news stories on marriage or alternatives to marriage that you think deserve another perspective, we encourage you to write a letter to the editor, and send us a copy! We track marriage-related news stories using an online news service but we don't pick up everything that's out there. We always appreciate it when people send pertinent articles our way by mail or e-mail (our addresses are at the end of this message).

Don't Miss ATMP's Dance Party!

In the Boston Area? Join Us for a Teach-In and Dance Party

Celebrate love in all its forms at the upcoming ATMP fundraising teach-in and dance party, L'AMOUR! The teach-in will take place from 7 p.m. to 9 p.m., followed by a techno dance party and drum circle from 9 p.m. to 2 a.m., on Friday, July 7th in an indoor/outdoor space on the banks of the Charles River in Cambridge.

Massachusetts. You are welcome to attend just the teach-in, just the dance party, or both. $5 at the door; additional donations welcome.

Tidbits

Hallmark Recognizes Unmarried Dads, Too

Last month we wrote about a Hallmark Mother's Day card that seemed intended for unmarried mothers. This month, Father's Day offered similar options. One card says on the front, "A father's day message for the father of our child." Inside, part of the message reads, "You deserve to be honored on Father's Day, not only because you're a father but because you've made being a good father a priority in your life... I'm so grateful that you're my child's father." The message certainly seems like it could fit a wide variety of parenting situations.

Heaps of Thank Yous

We are grateful for the donations we received from Mark Oelschlager and Jonathan Strange in honor of Amy Glesius and Roger Buelow, who recently celebrated their relationship with a wedding that did not include a legal marriage. Congratulations, Amy and Roger, and thanks for including us in your gift registry!

Thank you, too, to Jeremy Pittman for a generous donation in support of ATMP.

If you'd like to help us create a society in which diverse relationships are supported and valued, we'd appreciate your support. Help us challenge the marriage movement to strengthen marriages without stigmatizing divorced people, punishing single parents, casting stepfamilies as less than perfect, shaming unmarried couples, and ignoring the needs of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and poly families. Your financial support makes a big difference in the work that we do. Make your check payable to ATMP and mail it to P.O. Box 991010, Boston, MA 02199. Thank you!

News From the United States

Special thanks to Nina Lanza for compiling and editing the news in this issue!

Civil Unions Law Takes Effect in Vermont

On July 1st same-sex couples gained the right to have their relationships legally recognized in Vermont. . The measure is the first state law in the country to give same-sex couples the same rights and responsibilities as married couples. Because the law has no residency requirement, couples from outside the state also had their unions recognized, though it is currently unclear whether other states will have to recogn ize these unions. ATMP celebrates this move recognizing diverse families. Eventually, we'd love to see different-sex and same-sex couples everywhere have the options of civil unions and marriage.

Research Finds Unmarried Dads Are Often Involved

Contrary to popular belief, low-income unmarried fathers are often involved with their children, say several recent studies. As a result, unwed fathers are getting more money -- and more attention -- from policy-makers seeking to cure social ills. As the research has surfaced, so have efforts to engage fathers. According on a recent article in the Baltimore Sun, controversy has surfaced over whether the attention paid to fathers overemphasizes marriage as a goal for such families.

Organization Begins Campaign For Kids of Unmarrieds

The American Association of Single People (AASP) has begun a campaign called Stop the Stigma to raise awareness about the outdated language that still exists in some states' laws regarding the children of unmarried parents. As part of the campaign, AASP has contacted other organizations, pointing out that these children have been legally labeled "illegitimate" and asking the organizations' help in removing this label.

Some Seniors Choose Religious, Not Legal Commitment

A recent article in the Denver Post reported that increasing numbers of couples, especially senior citizens, are holding or planning commitment ceremonies. The article told the story of a couple in their seventies who held such a ceremony instead of getting married. "It just didn't make sense to get into any financial entanglements," said Ernie Howell, "But it was important to make a commitment to each other." Many seniors would lose Social Security benefits or pensions from deceased spouses if they remarry. The minister who officiated at the event said it was a religious event, not a civil one.

A Republican Bill to Cut Income Taxes

A Republican bill to cut income taxes by $248 billion over 10 years for all married couples was approved by the Senate Finance Committee. The bill would eliminate a disparity in the tax code in which about 25 million two-earner married couples pay higher income taxes than if they were unmarried. It would also give a big tax cut to millions of other married couples in which one spouse earns most of the family income but who don't pay the penalty. ATMP believes that tax rate should not be based on marital status. Under a fair tax law, neither married nor unmarried people should have to pay more.

Unmarried Couples in CA More Likely to Receive Health Benefits

A recent study found that although Californians are less likely than other Americans to have health insurance, unmarried couples in California are more likely than workers elsewhere to receive health benefits.

News From Around the World

Bishop of Killaloe Apologizes for Church's Attitude Towards Unmarrieds

Dr. William Walsh, the Bishop of Killaloe, issued a public apology for the Catholic Church's attitude towards unmarried parents and cohabiting couples and said it was time to acknowledge that society is made up of a variety of relationships. Speaking as president of Accord, formerly the Catholic Marriage Advisory Council, he said that the reality is that families come in all shapes and sizes, including people who were not married in church, either by choice or because they could not marry in church. He said that the manner in which unmarried had sometimes been treated by the Church "has been less than Christian, and for this, I ask your forgiveness."

Report Finds Poor Treatment of Unmarried Women in Zimbabwe

The annual report of Amnesty International found serious human rights violations in over 144 countries. It cited Zimbabwe as one of the areas of greatest concern. The report singles out Zimbabwe's treatment of women, citing a court ruling in 1999 that upheld a law granting unmarried women the status of minors.

Single Motherhood Legalized in Vietnam

Unmarried Vietnamese mothers will no longer have to hide their faces in public because single motherhood was legalized by the country's National Assembly.

Domestic Partner News (U.S.)

Auto Suppliers, University of Pittsburgh Considering DP Benefits

An agreement between the United Auto Workers and the Big Three automakers to offer health care benefits to same-sex domestic partners is forcing suppliers to review their benefit packages. Delphi Automotive Systems Corporation is talking with the UAW about implementing a similar plan; the most recent contract with the union contains a clause requiring the discussion of same-sex domestic partner benefits and the two sides are working toward a compromise.

University of Pittsburgh Chancellor Mark A. Nordenberg said he would weigh a faculty proposal to reconsider providing health benefits to domestic partners. However, he made it clear that the university' policy was unlikely to change. Seven current and former employees of Pitt have filed a lawsuit alleging the university discriminated against them by denying health benefits to their same-sex partners. An Allegheny County judge ruled in April that the university's policy is not discriminatory because it is based on marital status, not on sexual orientation.

Dane County, WI, Coca-Cola, Subaru, Other Companies To Offer DP Benefits

In Wisconsin, the Dane County Board voted to offer health insurance to the same-sex and different-sex partners of county employees. About 2.5 percent of the county's employees are expected to take part.

The Coca-Cola Company announced that it will extend spousal health care benefits to the same-sex partners of its U.S. employees, and that it's considering extending the benefit to its international workforce in almost 200 other countries as well. Coke becomes the 99th Fortune 500 company to offer domestic partner health care benefits. The gay and lesbian Georgia Equality Project hopes to use Coke's move as a springboard to convince nine other major Georgia-based corporations to follow suit.

The following companies recently announced that they will offer domestic partner benefits: Dolby Laboratories, Enron Corporation, Farallon Communications, Nordstrom (Seattle), ON24 Inc, Subaru of America, the city of Kalamazoo, Michigan, the city of Portland, ME, C.N.A. Insurance, and the University of Iowa.

Portland Seeks Comment on Draft DP Registry

The City of Portland and Multnomah County are asking for public comment on a draft ordinance to establish a domestic partner county registry. The proposed registry would include both same-sex and different-sex unmarried partners. Several community meetings and hearings will be held in July for public comment.

Colorado Governor Urged To Consider DPs

A group that included three state legislators, the president of the Colorado Women's Bar Association and the executive director of a gay-rights organization is urging Gov. Bill Owens to support legislation giving spousal benefits to partners in other domestic relationships.