Alternatives to Marriage Update:
June 1999 

In this issue:
Out and About
Bookstore
Recent and Upcoming Workshops
Sizzling Statistics
Tidbits
Book Buzz
News From Around the World

Out and About

Showtime Documentary Airs Tonight
We were filmed for the documentary Marriage In the Twentieth Century: In Search of the Happy Ending, which will air twice this month on Showtime:

Monday, June 14th at 10 p.m. (Eastern Standard Time, we assume -- check your local listings)

Wednesday, June 30th at 12:15 a.m. (ditto)

ATMP Press Release Criticizes Discriminatory Court Decision
A federal court found that Bell Atlantic may continue its policy of providing benefits to same-sex domestic partners but not different-sex ones who meet the same criteria. The case, Foray v. Bell Atlantic, concerned a male employee with a female domestic partner. Although Bell Atlantic provides health and other benefits to employees' spouses and same-sex domestic partners, it refused to provide equal benefits to Paul Foray. In May 1998, he sued Bell Atlantic in federal court, claiming that the company's policy discriminated on the basis of sex. If he were a woman instead of a man, his lawsuit claimed, his partner would have been eligible to receive benefits. The judge said that Bell Atlantic's policy does not violate federal civil rights laws because Foray and his partner have the option of getting married.

The Alternatives to Marriage Project, the National Organization for Women, the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, and the American Association for Single People all issued public statements criticizing the discriminatory decision. Our press release pointed out that marriage is a personal decision and an arbitrary way to determine an employee's pay, especially since benefits average 40% of an employee's total compensation. We also wondered whether, following Bell Atlantic's logic, the company should cut off phone service for unmarried male-female couples. True, phone service has nothing to do with marital status and sexual orientation -- but neither should employee benefits.

Bookstore

New Guide on Domestic Partner Benefits Available
Ever since we saw a draft copy of The Domestic Partnership Organizing Manual for Employee Benefits last year, we've been eagerly awaiting its publication. If you want to convince your employer to offer domestic partner benefits, there's nothing that could compete with this thorough manual. It includes suggestions for how to argue your case, how to organize with other employees, lists of employers that already offer the benefits, a variety of ways to define domestic partnership, sample policies, and other resources. The Manual is put out by the Policy Institute of the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force, but the information contained within applies to unmarried partners of any genders and sexual orientations.
There are four number of ways you can get yourself a copy of the Manual:
1) Download it (all 140 pages or just individual chapters) from the web
2) Purchase a spiralbound copy from NGLTF for $10 plus $4 shipping and handling
3) Purchase a spiralbound copy from us online for the same price
4) Purchase a spriralbound copy from us by mail. Send a check or money order for $14 to ATMP, P.O. Box 991010, Boston, MA 02199.

Recent & Upcoming Workshops

Recent: Ethical Society of Boston
On Sunday we gave a speech on Marital Status and Social Justice: Supporting Today's Diverse Families at the Ethical Society of Boston. The subject was well-received, and the conversation continued after the formal program in a question/answer session. The subject of legal contracts came up repeatedly, as the group discussed contracts between partners and commitments from parents to children as alternatives to the traditional marriage contract.

The Future
It's always wonderful to continue the conversation about the issues facing unmarried people with different groups around the country. We would love to speak in your city, at your college, or at an upcoming conference you know about! E-mail or call us to discuss the possibilities.

Sizzling Statistics

Goin' to the Chapel
According to a 1997 poll by the Family Research Council, 76% of American married couples were married in a house of worship. That's virtually unchanged from the 74% the Census reported a decade ago.

Weddings Are Big Business
Each year, more than 2.4 million American couples get married and have, on average, 188 people attend their weddings. That generates a gift-giving industry that some estimate exceeds $10 billion a year. The most popular honeymoon destinations are Disney World, Jamaica, and Hawaii.

Fewer Divorces in Canada
The number of divorces in Canada fell for the third straight year in 1997 to the lowest level since 1985. Statisticians say that one likely contributing factor to the lower divorce numbers is a 17.8-per-cent decrease in the number of marriages between 1989 and 1996. The percentage of marriages that can expect to end in divorce within 30 years fell to 34.8% in 1997, down from 36.9% in 1996. The average length of marriages ending in divorces climbed to 13.3 years from 12.3 during the same period.

Tidbits

Weddings Sell -- Cheese!
In the old days, advertisers used sex, in the form of scantily clad models, to sell everything under the sun. Are weddings sexier than sex? A new ad (we saw it in a June issue of Newsweek) by America's Dairy Farmers uses weddings to sell cheese. The ad shows a three-tiered wedding cake made up of swiss cheese, with a bride and groom figurine on the top. The tagline is "Behold the power of cheese."

Book Buzz

These new titles crossed our path recently:

The Improvised Woman, by Marcelle Clements
Clements explores the category of "single women" as a new social phenomenon, including women who have chosen not to marry, serial cohabitees who happen to be between relationships, women who take lovers but prefer to live alone, mothers bringing up children on their own, divorcees, and widows.

What Is Marriage For?, by E.J. Graff
Graff documents the history of marriage, shedding light on the dramatic changes the institution has experienced and the way that the current definition of marriage has been constructed. She argues that in the context of its ever-changing history, marriage should now encompass same-sex couples.

News From Around the World

If you would like more information about any of these news items, let us know. In most cases we have full articles by e-mail.

Canada Calls Same-Sex Couples "Spouses"; Limits Marriage to a Man & Woman
A ground-breaking ruling handed down by Canada's Supreme Court radically alters the way family is defined in Canada: "spouse" now includes same-sex partners. The Supreme Court's decision to strike down a key section of Ontario's family law on the grounds that it is unconstitutional is seen as a major victory for gays and lesbians. The ruling could force Ontario to rewrite hundreds of laws governing family relationships and could force governments across Canada to rewrite laws that recognize only different-sex relationships.
Another Canadian bill passed by the House of Commons would give survivor benefits to same-sex the partners of federal employees.
Not long after, the Ho use of Commons voted that marriage is limited to the union of a man and a woman. Despite this decision, some say that the technical definition matters little since unmarried same and different-sex partners are now entitled to most of the rights accorded to married people.

Union Bargainer Loses Job Over Exclusion of Unmarried Workers
The president of the Public Service Alliance of Canada fired a member of the union's bargaining team over differences in family values. The PSAC president released Robert Davies from his responsibilities after a dispute over plans to remove the word "marriage" from the union contract. PSAC, which represents more than 150,000 civil servants -- mostly federal workers -- favors the broader term "spousal union," which encompasses unmarried same and different-sex relationships. Davies says it was important to him that marriage be included in the contracts.

Broad DP Definition Expands Rights in Australian Territory
A new law in New South Wales, Australia will give people in "de facto" relationships - same-sex couples and blood relatives who live together 2 or more years - the same property and inheritance rights that married and different-sex unmarried couples already had. The law will also allow domestic partners to be recognized for matters like organ donations, medical treatment decisions, rights to decisions about bail for arrested persons, guardianship and mental health, rights in retirement villages, and accident compensation.

Danish Partnership Law Expanded
Ten years ago, Denmark was the first country in the world to pass a law recognizing same-sex couples. That law was recently amended, giving same-sex couples more of the rights already granted to different-sex domestic partners. Among the changes, same-sex partners can now adopt each other's children; two non-Danish citizens can receive the partnership rights if they live together in Denmark at least two years; and citizens of other countries with similar legislation can receive the same rights. Unlike different-sex couples, same-sex couples in Denmark still cannot receive alternative insemination services or adopt foreign children.

Italy Limits Fertility Procedures
The Italian parliament approved a draft law on assisted fertility that places limits on many procedures. Unmarried and married couples in Italy will be allowed to seek fertility treatment only after they prove they are infertile. The law also forbids the use of donated sperm and eggs, and sets prison terms for doctors who perform alternative insemination with donor sperm or eggs.

British Forced Marriages To Be Considered Abductions
A British High Court judge decided that British Asian parents who take their daughters abroad and force them to marry against their wills will now be guilty of child abduction. The ruling follows the case of a 17-year-old Sikh girl from London who was kidnapped by her parents and sent to a remote village in India to be married. Until now, most social workers and schools have avoided getting involved in these situations, fearing they would be accused of interfering with religious and cultural freedoms of ethnic minority groups.

Egypt No Longer Supports Rapists Who Marry Victims
Egyptian ministers have voted to repeal a controversial law which exempts a rapist from punishment if he marries his victim. In many Middle Eastern countries, an unmarried woman who loses her virginity brings shame to her family, even if she has been raped. The law's passage comes several months after three rape suspects were freed after offering to marry their victims. The law still has to be approved by the Egyptian Parliament, but is not expected to meet much resistance.

British Advisors Recommend Marriage Even Without Children
The Lord Chancellor's Advisory Board on Family Law, a body that advises the British government, says that peopleshould be encouraged to marry even if they have no desire to become parents. It expressed concern that to the government, "the institution of marriage is seen predominantly within the context of the welfare of children."

Australia May Give Pension Rights to Same-Sex Couples
The Australian federal government is expected to legislate in favor of same-sex couples enjoying the same retirement and pension rights as different-sex couples. The country's Human Rights Commissioner found that the denial of these entitlements to a same-sex partner violated at least two international treaties. A recent report said that traditionally, sex and marital status defined a relationship of dependence, but found that today "Marriage is no longer the defining characteristic of a family or a permanent domestic relationship."

Pope Criticizes DP Policies
Pope John Paul II recently attacked domestic partner policies around the world that treat unmarried couples equally to married ones. He said such policies "undermine the irreplaceable value of the family founded on marriage." He called family life a "a fundamental good of society," and said domestic partnerships were a "false alternative" to traditional family life. He also criticized same-sex relationships, calling them "a deplorable distortion of the communion of love and life between a man and a woman."

Scottish Parliament DPs to Get Travel Perks
The chidren and same and different-sex domestic partners of unmarried members of the Scottish Parliament will now be given the same travel perks employees' spouses receive. One parliament member described the new policy as appropriate for a "family-friendly" parliament.

No Unmarried Partners Allowed at Buckingham Palace Parties
This summer, guests of the Queen will be allowed to bring spouses to receptions at the Palace, but same-sex and different-sex partners will no longer be allowed. Within the last 18 months, Prince Charles is said to have begun inviting unmarried partners to Palace events, including the gay companion of Chris Smith, the culture secretary, and the gay partners of Sir Elton John and Sir Ian McKellen, the actor. At a party three months ago, two gay priests exchanged a kiss, allegedly annoying Prince Philip, who was not at the event. The new policy will prevent all unmarried partners from attending -- and kissing.

New Agency Helps Philanderers Cheat
Within three months of setting up The Alibi Agency, British entrepreneur Ronnie Brock has acquired 8,000 eager clients. Clients join for 20 pounds (the equivalent of $32.20), and then pick from the assorted services on offer. The agency can invite you to a bogus business convention and mail the letter to your home, book hotels for the country of your choice, and even arrange for fake hotel receptionists to answer the phone when a husband or wife calls up. The cheaters can get fitted with a discreet humming pager to alert to them to a call from home. So far, Brock says he boasts that none of his clients - 40% of whom are women - have gotten caught.

Gay Couples Checking the "Marriage" Box
In a dress rehearsal for the 2000 U.S. Census, 51% of same-sex couples checked off "married" even though there is no legal recognition for same-sex marriage. The remaining 49% chose the box "unmarried partner" (an option added in 1990). When the Census actually takes place and the results are released, all same-sex couples who called themselves "married" will be re-classified as unmarried partners. However, some activists for the legalization of same-sex marriage are encouraging gay and lesbian couples to check "married" on the Census forms because the raw data will still be available to researchers.

California Woman Wants To Make Adultery a Crime
A married woman in California is hoping to gather enough signatures to get her anti-adultery proposal on next year's ballot. She says she wrote the initiative because of the suffering she believes infidelity has caused people -- including herself. If voters approve the measure, adulterers in the state could be forced to make a public apology and pay for therapy.

Idaho and Maryland Counties Consider DPs
Latah County, Idaho commissioners are considering a variety of ways to decide which of their employees are eligible for health care benefits. The debate was sparked by the request of one employee, who inquired about the possibility of adding her female partner to her health insurance policy. Several options being considered are "cafeteria plans" that would give all employees a lump sum to be used for health benefits. A final decision is expected in early July.
A Montgomery County, Maryland council member plans to introduce legislation that would give medical benefits and sick and bereavement leave to same and different-sex domestic partners of county employees. Some council members say they would prefer a same-sex only plan.

Pittsburgh, Florida Law Firm, Santa Barbara County To Recognize DPs
In a preliminary vote, the Pittsburgh City Council approved a plan to extend health benefits to the same-sex partners and common-law spouses of nonunion city employees. The benefits have been available to union employees since earlier this year. Some experts are concerned that the policy will create a new form of discrimination, since different-sex couples must declare themselves common-law spouses in order to receive benefits, but same-sex couples will not. Pennsylvania is one of 12 states that recognize new common-law marriages. In order to separate, common-law couples must go to divorce court and face the potential of lifetime spousal support, while same-sex couples can end their relationships more easily.
In Florida, the 100 year old Carlton Fields law firm passed a new policy that will provide health care benefits to same-sex and different-sex partners of its employees. The President and CEO of the firm said, "It's unfair and inhumane to leave some of our employees uncovered."
Santa Barbara county supervisors adopted a domestic partner registry where same-sex couples, different-sex couples, and family members can publicly declare themselves domestic partners. Couples may also check off any of 14 boxes to specifically define their partnership. For instance, partners can check a box saying they own personal property together; or they consider themselves to be each other's immediate family; or, that each has authorized the other to make decisions in case of medical emergency.

Oregon Bill Would Stop Courts from Ordering DP Benefits
The Oregon House Judiciary-Civil Law Committee recently held its first hearing on a proposed state constitutional amendment that would bar courts from requiring unmarried partners be entitled to the same benefits as married couples.

Virginia Apartment Manager Says Only One Name on Mailbox
The property manager for a Virginia apartment complex rented an apartment to an unmarried male-female couple but later told them that because they are not married, they cannot list both their names on their mailbox nameplate. The manager said that same-sex roommates would be allowed to list both their names. Cohabitation is illegal in Virginia (one of 8 states with such a law on the books), but a lawyer the couple consulted said that if the apartment complex planned to take the law at its word, it should have refused to rent to the couple in the first place.

Bank for Gays to Open, Welcomes All Unmarried Couples
In Pensacola, Florida, G&L Bank has entered the final phase of the federal approval process and is planning to open in the fall as the nation's first bank designed primarily for gay men and lesbians. The bank says it is attracting interest from blacks and unmarried male-female couples seeking a non-discriminatory bank. Unlike some other banks, G&L Bank will consider the incomes of both people when an unmarried couple applies for a loan.

California Passes DP Registry Bill
Under a bill passed by the California Senate and Assembly, same and different-sex unmarried couples can register as domestic partners to receive a limited set of rights, including the right to visit their partner in the hospital. Senior citizens' groups were among the strongest supporters of the bill, which was opposed by some who accused it of sanctioning same-sex marriage. The bill also requires HMOs and health insurers to offer domestic partnership health benefits to companies that request them.

Colorado Ends Marriage Tax Penalty
In Colorado, two single people will no longer get a bigger tax break than a married couple with the identical taxable income. The new policy, which will begin to affect couples when they file tax returns in 2001, will save most married couples who don't itemize about $70. The law applies to the state's tax, not federal income tax.

Federal Ruling Upholds San Francisco's DP Law
A federal judge upheld San Francisco's pioneering domestic partners ordinance, which requires companies doing business with San Francisco to give the same benefits to registered domestic partners as they do to married employees. The ordinance was passed to ensure that companies receiving city contracts complied with San Francisco's laws preventing discrimination on the basis of marital status and sexual orientation.

Census Drops Marriage Questions from Short Form
The U.S. Census's short form, which it will send to 80% of Americans next year, will no longer ask questions about marital status. The long form, sent to about 16 million people, will still ask marriage-related questions. Because of budget limitations, the Census decided to limit the short form to questions required by law; marital status is not. Some experts are upset that this may make it more difficult to track marriages and divorces by race, age, state, and other measures. Other experts say the numbers were imperfect anyway, are available from other sources, and say that privacy concerns make people's relationships none of the government's business.

Alabama Voters Could End Interracial Marriage Ban
In a statewide election in October, Alabama voters will have the opportunity to end the nation's last remaining ban on interracial marriages. Alabama' s constitution, written in 1901, contains a prohibition against a black person -- or any descendant of a black person -- marrying a white person. The law has been unenforceable since the Supreme Court struck down a similar Virginia law in 1967.

Arizona Decides Cohabiting Woman Shouldn't Lose Kids
The Arizona Court of Appeals recently overturned a custody case decision in which a divorced woman lost custody of her children because she lived with her male partner. Custody was granted to the children's father, although nothing had been found that negatively affected the children's well-being. Cohabitation and adultery are illegal in Arizona. The appellate court found that the first court did not have the authority to interfere in the family's personal relationships.