Alternatives to Marriage Update:
The Census Issue!
June 2001  

In this issue:
Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project
- Census Finds Dramatic Growth in Unmarried Partners
- ATMP's Message Reaches the Masses
- ATMP Submits Statement to Government on Marriage & Welfare
- Mailing Party Wednesday (Today!) in Boston
- ATMPers Party in New York
Unmarried Voices
Special Report on Census Data
- States with the Largest & Smallest Increase in Unmarried Partners
- States with the Largest & Smallest Percentages of Unmarried Partners
- Unmarried Partner Growth Predicted the Election?
Heaps of Thank Yous
Tidbits
Dizzling Statistics
News From the United States
News From Around the World
Domestic Partner News (U.S.)
Quoteworthy

Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project

It's been quite a month!

Census Finds Dramatic Growth in Unmarried Partners

In May, the U.S. Census released its data from the 2000 Census, revealing that the number of unmarried partner households has grown 72% over the last decade. For a few days, the media spotlight turned to America's unmarried partners -- and the Alternatives to Marriage Project's phones rang off the hook.

The Census reports opened the door for the Alternatives to Marriage Project to help the public understand who unmarried people and families are, why we're not married, and what the country needs to do to treat us fairly. Over a period of ten days, ATMP staff and members appeared on CNN, MSNBC, dozens of radio stations (including an hour on Wisconsin Public Radio), and hundreds of newspapers, including USA Today, The Baltimore Sun, The Birmingham News, The Dallas Morning News, The Denver Post, The Honolulu Star-Bulletin, The Miami Herald, The Philadelphia Inquirer, The Providence Journal, The Washington Times, and several Associated Press and Reuters articles that appeared in papers around the country. Outside the United States, London's BBC radio and the Scotsman newspaper both interviewed Executive Director Dorian Solot about the changes in America's family life.

For a selection of excerpts featuring the stories of ATMP members, see the Unmarried Voices section, below.

ATMP Submits Statement to Government on Marriage & Welfare

A House Ways and Means subcommittee recently held a hearing on welfare and marriage issues, at which many of those who testified urged the subcommittee members to use welfare funds for programs to promote marriage. The Alternatives to Marriage Project submitted a statement for publication in the printed record arguing that "promoting marriage" is not in the best interests of Americans who live in poverty. The statement is online.

Mailing Party Wednesday (Today!) in Boston

Live in the Boston area? Want a chance to hang out and chat with other local Alternatives to Marriage Project supporters, and help ATMP at the same time? We're planning a mailing party in the evening of Wednesday, June 13th to send out our next fundraising letter. We'll provide the pizza and good company; you help out with folding, stuffing, and sealing; and the donations ATMP receives as a result make the world a better place for unmarried people. If you'd like to come help, call (518-462-5600) or email us) for details. If you can'tcome this time but would like to find out about similar events in the future, let us know that, too!

ATMPers Party in New York

On June 2nd, dozens of supporters gathered at a houseparty in New York City to benefit the Alternatives to Marriage Project. Minglers munched on hot hors d'oeuvres and chocolate-covered strawberries, compared notes on the single, married, and unmarried partnered life, watched a video clip of a recent ATMP television appearance, and made donations to support ATMP's ongoing work for fairness for all families.

Stay tuned for upcoming announcements about similar houseparties in other locations! If you'd like to host one, contact us .

Unmarried Voices

ATMP Members' Stories Put a Face on Census Numbers

Dozens of people on the ATMP mailing list generously volunteered to be interviewed by reporters about the realities of their lives as unmarried people. They agreed with us that in order to increase understanding and acceptance of unmarried relationships, news stories need to include real life perspectives. It was a delight to help reporters across the country connect with unmarried partners in their region -- and as a result, the voices of ATMPers educated the nation. Here's a sampling of what they said:

From Newsweek:

"Lyn Freundlich, who is raising two boys in Boston with their father, Billy Brittingham, says her home is as stable as any on the block. Freundlich and Brittingham have no plans to marry even though they've been living together for 13 years. 'It's not important to me,' says Freundlich, 36, who works for the Boston AIDS Action Committee. 'Marriage feels like a really unfair institution where the government validates some relationships and not others. I can't think of any reason compelling enough to become part of an institution I'm not comfortable with.' When she was pregnant with their first son, Jordan, now 6, Brittingham's parents 'waged a campaign for us to get married,' she says. Her father was relieved when they decided to draft a will and sign a medical proxy. These days, the possibility of marriage hardly crosses her mind. 'I'm so busy juggling all the details of having a two-career family, taking care of my kids, seeing my friends and having a role in the community that it's just not something I think about,' she says."

From the San Francisco Examiner:

"Ruth Radetsky, 42, of San Francisco, said she knew since she was 11 years old that she never wanted to get married. 'I didn’t want to be anyone's property,' she said.

She and her partner, Edward Hasbrouck, 41, have lived together 16 years and don't plan to marry, ever.

'What are the advantages to marriage?' Hasbrouch said. 'It involves inviting the church, the state or both into your bed, and that's not something I'm willing to do unless there's a compelling reason for it.'

They say their friends in The City include married and unmarried couples, gay, straight and single, and that they have never felt their lack of legal commitment was a big issue. Neither one is religious and neither ever wanted to have children, not that it should make a difference.

But their relationship is a committed one. 'We have great confidence that this is a lifelong relationship,' Hasbrouck said. The only challenge is to get other people to take their relationship as seriously as if they were married.

From the Star-Ledger (New Jersey):

"Jennifer McDonald, 31, and Mike Nanney, 33, of Bordentown, have lived together for five years. They plan to marry, but said there's no moral urgency or need to rush into it.

'I don't think a piece of paper or a ceremony makes the ability to communicate or get along,' said McDonald, a financial analyst for a pharmaceutical company."

You can read more excerpts from newspapers around the country that quoted ATMPers at http://www.unmarried.org/c ensus-clippings.html .

 Special Report on Census Data

The number of unmarried partner households (including both same-sex and different-sex partners) in the United States rose 72% between 1990 and 2000. However, the rate of growth varied dramatically from state to state. Here are the states with the largest and smallest growth:

States That Had the SMALLEST INCREASE in the Number of Unmarried Partner Households Between 1990 and 2000:

While the states above had particularly high or low growth, growth doesn't tell us anything about whether there are many households in a given state containing unmarried partners (since a low number could grow at a very fast rate but still be a low number compared to other states). The data below tells us which states have the largest or smallest percentage of unmarried partner households compared to other household types.

States with the LARGEST PERCENTAGE of Unmarried Partner Households in 2000:

States with the SMALLEST PERCENTAGE of Unmarried Partner Households in 2000:

Unmarried Partner Growth Predicted the Election?

According to calculations by the Alternatives to Marriage Project, every one of the 22 states where unmarried partner households grew at a rate of 85% or higher (well above the national average) cast their electoral votes for George W. Bush.

Of the 19 states where the rate of increase was below the national average, 17 cast their electoral votes for Al Gore.

In Florida, the rate of increase was 76%, very close to the national average of 72%. And we all know what happened there.

Heaps of Thank Yous

The Alternatives to Marriage Project is supported primarily by individuals who care about marital status fairness, not by wealthy foundations. You can help make a difference for unmarried people by making a tax-deductible contribution of whatever size you can afford. You can send a check to ATMP, P.O. Box 991010, Boston, MA 02199. Or call us (518-462-5600) to charge your donation to your credit card. You can also show your ongoing support for ATMP making a monthly or quarterly credit card gift. Thank you!

Many thanks to those who made recent contributions: Josie Bautista, Michael Burton, Marion Cajori, Barbara Colombo, Michael Leo Denneny, Stephanie Fotiadis, Janie Fronek & Ken Heskestad, Steve Gano, Miriam Greenwald, David Grossman, Jill Herbert, April Herms, Lisa Jacobs, Elana Katz, Chip & Mary Kyle & Kathryn Gilbert, Joe Lowndes & Priscilla Yamin, Anne McCormick, Suzanne Miller & Walter vom Saal, Beth Mirarchi, Ronnie Moskowitz, Margie & Ted Nickles, Lisa Pedicini, Jeremy Pittman, Jenny Price, Renate Reimann, Allan Schramm, Goldie & Les Solot, Becca Stallings, Lockhart Steele, Marcy Thompson, Andrea Trent, and Alice Yew.

In addition, Deb Kolodny made a recent gift in celebration of the wedding of E. and R. Reid Meyers, who listed ATMP in the gift registry. Thanks!

Tidbits

Bush Quotes Unmarried Author in Speech Promoting Marriage

In his remarks at the Fourth National Summit on Fatherhood, President Bush attempted to illustrate the importance of marriage with the words of George Eliot, a famous Victorian author who never married her lifelong partner. At the summit, Bush read, "'What greater thing is there for two human souls,' George Eliot wrote, 'than to feel that they are joined for life to strengthen each other in all labor, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to be one with each other in silent, unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting.'" Eliot's unmarried relationship lasted 24 years, until her partner's death.

Seattle Clergy Increasingly Support Cohabitors

Religious leaders in Seattle say that a national upswing in unwed couples living together is prompting many to loosen traditional policies on cohabitation. In an article in the Seattle Times, Jewish, Catholic, and Protestant clergy were quoted describing their more accepting policy toward cohabiting couples -- with the aim of encouraging such couples toward a more active membership in their congregations. Five years ago, an study conducted by Creighton University found that 43% of couples wanting church weddings were already living together; most of the Seattle clergy interviewed put the figure closer to 50%.

 Sizzling Statistics

Lasting Marriages Linked to Older Brides

A report from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention found that 43% of first marriages end in separation or divorce within 15 years. One in five first marriages ends within five years, and one in three within ten years. In the CDC report, how long a marriage lasted appeared to be linked to how old the woman in the relationship was when the marriage began. Researchers said the older a woman was when she first got married, the longer that marriage was likely to last.

Half of Norwegian Babies Born to Unmarried Parents

Last year 49.6% of all newborns in Norway were born to cohabiting couples or unmarried mothers -- a massive swing from the 1960s when the rate was just one in ten. Norway's figures are consistent with the rest of Scandinavia, where more couples are choosing to live together and have children before getting married. By comparison, in the United States in 1999 one-third of babies was born to unmarried parents.

News From the United States

Thanks to Lisa Ferretti for her help with compiling the news and statistics in this issue! If you'd like to learn about becoming a volunteer news compiler for a future issue of the Update (we find the articles, you edit them by email from any location), contact us.

Minnesota Strikes Down Sodomy Law

A Minnesota court has struck down that state's law against "sodomy" as an unconstitutional invasion of personal privacy. A county judge declared the statute unconstitutional "as applied to private, consensual, non-commercial acts of sodomy by consenting adults, because it violates the right of privacy." Among the plaintiffs were a quadriplegic man capable of sexual intimacy with his wife only in forms criminalized by the state law and a divorced gay man who risks losing visitation rights with his children because of his violation of the law. ACLU attorneys plan to request that the court certify the case as a class action suit, extending protection beyond the seven plaintiffs.

Military Panel Recommends Repealing Sodomy Law

A panel established by the National Institute of Military Justice says the Pentagon should eliminate the armed services' sodomy law. The panel found that prosecutions of the current military laws on adultery and sodomy "are treated in an arbitrary, even vindictive, manner." They suggest the adoption of "a comprehensive Criminal Sexual Conduct statute" similar to laws passed in recent years by state legislatures.

Maryland Gay Man Adopts His Partner

A Maryland court has allowed a gay man to legally adopt his partner, giving the Silver Spring men inheritance and medical decision-making rights for one another. The couple has been together for 32 years. A new birth certificate will be issued for the older man, who was adopted by his partner. Legal experts say there are many reasons why adoption is not a good replacement for same-sex marriage rights, including that divorce is not an option.

Supreme Court Upholds Different Citizenship Rules for Unmarried Dads

A divided Supreme Court upheld as constitutional a federal law that makes U.S. citizenship more difficult to obtain for children born to unmarried American fathers than mothers. Justice Anthony Kennedy said for the court majority that Congress decided to impose different requirements on unmarried fathers and mothers, based on significant differences between their respective relationship with the child at the time of birth. The three dissenting justices said the government had failed to show "an exceedingly persuasive justification'' for the sex-based classifications.

Arizona Repeals Sodomy Law

In a surprise move, Arizona's governor signed into law a bill that repeals a ban on sodomy, oral sex, and cohabitation. "At the end of the day, I returned to one of my most basic beliefs about government: It does not belong in our private lives," the governor wrote in a one-page letter explaining her move. The repeal of the state's sex laws sparked more than 6,000 calls and letters to Hull's office urging a veto. By comparison, she received about 3,600 requests to sign it.

Utah Polygamist Convicted, Faces Prison and Fines

A Utah jury found outspoken polygamist Tom Green guilty of four counts of bigamy, bringing to an end the state's first polygamy prosecution in nearly 50 years. In a practice common among polygamists, Green married his first wife, but then married and divorced the next four. The bigamy counts, as well as one count of failing to pay child support, could give him up to 25 years in prison and $25,000 in fines. Legal experts say the conviction gives Utah prosecutors new ammunition to go after the state's estimated 20,000 polygamists.

News From Around the World

Canadian Province Amends Laws Affecting Same-Sex Couples

The Saskatchewan government is amending 24 different laws that will allow gay and lesbian couples to adopt stepchildren and give them easy access to public pensions. The changes come two years after a Supreme Court decision requiring provincial governments to give unmarried same-sex and different-sex couples the same legal rights as married couples. Saskatchewan is the seventh province to comply. Manitoba recently announced similar changes, with Alberta and P.E.I. still to act.

Canadian Tax Laws Changing to Reflect Realities of Relationships

Canadian tax laws have created a new official category, "common-law partner," to include unmarried people in same-sex or different-sex relationships. Couples in a relationship for at least one year, or with a child in common, are now legally required to declare themselves common-law partners, gaining tax advantages and disadvantages previously accorded only to legally married couples. Previously, the tax system had a "common-law marriage" category that was limited to unmarried different-sex partners.

Irish Priests Ban Cohabitors From Taking Communion

Two Catholic priests in the Irish Republic have banned cohabiting couples from receiving communion in their parishes. The priests of two towns in County Kerry say they will not serve communion at any mass to unmarried couples who live together, including those attending the first communion of their children. Their decision does not apply to single parents living alone.

Unwed Couple Flogged in Afghan Stadium

The fundamentalist Taliban regime recently publicly lashed an unmarried couple accused of having sex. The couple were given 100 lashes each at the Kabul sports stadium in front of thousands of spectators, mostly from the ruling Taliban militia. Taliban officials said a local court found the couple guilty of having sex three months ago. "Adultery is a big sin, which brings about corruption and chaos to the society, according to the Koranic reasons," a Taliban official said.

Domestic Partner News (U.S.)

Employers Continue to Add Domestic Partner Benefits

The following employers have recently announced or implemented domestic partner benefits: Applied Research Associates, Hawaiian Airlines, Human Rights Watch, International Monetary Fund, Intira Corporation, Nextel Partners, RTKL Associates, and S.C. Johnson.

New York Mayoral Candidates Support DP Benefits

The four Democratic mayoral hopefuls in New York City are backing a bill that would require companies to provide benefits to employees' domestic partners as a condition for doing business with the city. The bill has already amassed 16 sponsors in the City Council. The city would be following the lead of San Francisco, Los Angeles, and Seattle in requiring businesses under contract to the cities to extend health benefits to same-sex and different-sex unmarried couples.

Massachusetts Bill Would Prohibit Same-Sex Marriage and DP

A bill recently heard by a Massachusetts House committee takes aim at same-sex marriage and domestic partnership benefits for public employees. The provision would not only bar futurechanges in the status and benefits accorded to same-sex couples, but it might also take away some of the rights some gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender public employees already have, such as bereavement leave, or visiting rights for partners in the hospital. A State House rally in support of the bill drew only about two dozen advocates.

University of Pittsburgh May End Gay Benefits Dispute

The University of Pittsburgh has agreed to study extending health benefits to domestic partners of its employees' same-sex partners as a step toward settling a bitter 5-year-old lawsuit against the school. In return for creating a campus panel that will make recommendations, seven employees suing the school have agreed to temporarily suspend all litigation in the case. After the panel makes its recommendations, the plaintiffs' lawyers from the American Civil Liberties Union will reassess whether the case needs to be pursued any further.

Decatur, Georgia Considers Inclusive DP Benefits

Decatur, Georgia is considering offering health insurance and other employment benefits to the same-sex and different-sex partners of full-time employees. Health insurance and funeral leave would be the benefits most likely extended to partners. City employees already can assign their retirement benefits to anyone they choose. Recently, DeKalb County became the first county in Georgia to offer domestic partner benefits. Atlanta is the only Georgia city that offers the benefits, but several cities, including East Point, are considering the matter.

Maine Legislature OKs Bill Requiring Insurance Firms To Cover Partners

The Maine State Senate gave final approval to a bill that would require health insurance carriers that offer coverage for spouses of health plan members to offer similar coverage for domestic partners. The state's governor is expected to sign it into law. The measure defines domestic partners as those who have lived together for at least 12 months; are not legally married to, or separated from, another person; are mentally competent; and intend to remain each other's sole domestic partner. The bill still faces a fight from the Christian Civic League of Maine, which claims the measure undermines the sanctity of marriage and promotes gay rights.

Quoteworthy

"We can encourage, pressure, preach, and give incentives to get people to marry. But we still have to deal with the reality that kids are going to be raised in a variety of ways, and we have to support all kinds of families with kids."

- Stephanie Coontz, national co-chair of the Council on Contemporary Families (http://www.contemporaryfamilies.org) and a family historian at Evergreen State College, in Newsweek, May 28, 2001