In this issue:
In the Media
-National Public Radio, CNN, PBS, and more
Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project
1) Download The Annual Report
2) Audiences Hear About Alternatives to Marriage
3) Welcome, Summer 2002 Interns!
4) Book by ATMP Founders Coming Soon
5) Changes Ahead for Postal Mail and Email Newsletter
6) Wish List
Community Announcements
Film Buzz: Wedding Advice
Heaps of Thank You's
News
Quoteworthy

 In the Media

ATMP Appears on NPR, CNN, PBS

Many new subscribers to this newsletter heard Alternatives to Marriage Project founders Marshall Miller and Dorian Solot on National Public Radio’s Morning Edition, where Susan Stamberg interviewed them as part of a June series on "singles." One listener from South Dakota emailed afterwards, "Thank you, thank you, thank you! Every time my car breaks down or I get snowed in, people look at me with pity and say, "You need a husband", when what I really need is a wage that pays enough to afford a reliable car and a snow blower!"

In a CNN segment on Oklahoma’s initiative to promote marriage, Solot made the point that since poor people are less likely to get married and stay married, the focus should be on ending poverty, not promoting marriage.

ATMP board member Ashton Applewhite and Miller took on Maggie Gallagher and David Blankenhorn of the Institute for American Values on the PBS television show "Debates Debates," for an hour-long debate about the future of marriage.

Providence Journal Sunday Magazine Features Alternatives to Marriage Project

The cover story of last Sunday's Providence Journal Sunday magazine was about the growing number of unmarried couples in Rhode Island and across the country. The article described the organization's work, and quoted ATMPer Rachel Bates, who said, "Marriage feels like it has more to do with religion or government or money and not to do with just him and me." ATMPer Lauri Bazerman was also quoted and photographed with her partner, David Lichtenstein.

Diverse Media Feature Unmarried Perspective

Solot’s article "No Ring To It: Considering a Less-Married Future" was published in the online journal of the National Jewish Center for Learning and Leadership.

Sojourner: The Women’s Forum printed an excerpt of ATMP’s report "Let Them Eat Wedding Rings: Marriage Promotion and Welfare Reform."

Best Review, an insurance industry trade magazine, quoted Miller and several ATMPers in an article about homeowners' and tenants' insurance for unmarried couples.

The call-in show Inside Detroit had Solot as their guest to talk with callers during their program about unmarried relationships, and the San Francisco radio station KGO aired her perspective on men and marriage. Toronto’s Eye Weekly quoted Solot in its commentary on Canada's legal recognition of unmarried couples.

Analysis of Marriage Promotion and Welfare Reform Highlighted

ATMP’s analysis of the problems with using welfare dollars to promote marriage continues to attract attention. Students and faculty from colleges around the country tell us they are reading and discussing ATMP’s "Let Them Eat Wedding Rings" report as part of their curricula. Most recently, the Detroit Free Press, the Charleston Daily Mail, the South Florida Sun-Sentinel, and Gulfport, MS radio station WJZD featured ATMP’s perspective.

You can read some of these articles:

Alternative to Marriage Project on Morning Edition (listen online)

http://www.npr.org/ramfiles/me/20020611.me.03.ram

"The Unmarrieds," Providence Journal-Bulletin Sunday Magazine

http://www.projo.com/yourlife/content/projo_20020623_solot.6d10.html

(site requires free registration to read article)

"No Ring To It: Considering a Less-Married Future," eCLAL: Religion, Public Life and Culture

http://www.clal.org/w1_index.html

Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project

Download Annual Report

Our annual report is chock full of photos of Alternatives to Marriage Project supporters and their comments about what this organization means to them, an overview of ATMP’s achievements in 2001, and of course, the names of the people whose donations made it all possible. If you haven’t seen it yet, you can download a free copy from http://www.unmarried.org/annual.html .

Audiences Hear About Alternatives to Marriage

This spring ATMP's message has been reaching audiences far and wide.

Solot spoke about "Families Without Wedding Rings" to the Illinois Council on Family Relations at their annual conference, and about children in cohabiting families at the conference of the Council on Contemporary Families in New York City.

Solot was also one of fifteen invited experts on family who spoke at a Jewish Public Forum seminar on The Future of Family and Tribe, organized by the National Center for Jewish Leadership and Learning.

Solot and Miller, gave a workshop, "I Do, I Don’t, I’ll Decide Later" at the Cambridge Center for Adult Education.

Welcome, Summer 2002 Interns!

ATMP’s productivity is getting a boost this summer thanks to interns Laurie Nelson, a graduate student from the University of Notre Dame and Liesel Kuhr, an undergrad from Kenyon College. Both Laurie and Liesel have already been helping keep up with the volumes of email ATMP receives, maintaining our database and website (check out the new list of unmarried song lyrics on our Fun Facts page), summarizing news for this Update, and assisting with research and other projects. ATMP is lucky to have them both!

Book by ATMP Founders Coming Soon

Five years ago, when Miller and Solot went looking for a book about life as an unmarried couple, they couldn't find one -- so they decided to write it. During the last four years the two interviewed over 100 people in unmarried relationships and wove their stories, advice, and practical tips into their forthcoming book, Unmarried to Each Other: The Essential Guide to Living Together as an Unmarried Couple. It will be available through ATMP and bookstores around the country this fall.

Changes Ahead for Postal Mail and Email Newsletter

In an effort to make our postal mail more immediately recognizable, ATMP is preparing to switch from envelopes that have a return address of "ATMP" to ones that say, "Alternatives to Marriage Project." We think you will like our new look. Of course, we will respect the wishes of anyone who prefers not to receive mail with the name of the organization on the outside of the envelope - please contact us if it is important that your postal mail say only "ATMP." If you're not receiving postal mail from us, email us your address and we'll add you to the list.

The next time this newsletter is delivered, it will come out from an announcement-only listserv. This change will help us streamline its delivery to you.

Wish List

ATMP would welcome donations of:

- A plain paper fax machine

- A conference call number of account (to be used for a few calls per year)

- A high-speed Internet connection

- A Macintosh computer (iMac or newer)

Because AtMP is a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, donations are tax-deductible. If you have an item or service to donate, please contact us to discuss the possibilities.

Community Announcements

Take Action Against Using Welfare Dollars to Promote Marriage

It's not too late to take a stand against the idea that promoting marriage is the solution to poverty! The groups below are among those leading the fight for welfare reform that works:

The NOW Legal Defense and Education Fund provides fact sheets and action tips at http://www.nowldef.org/html/issues/wel/tanf_overview.shtml.

The Center for Third World Organizing ( http://www.ctwo.org/ ) has compiled a free organizing kit on "Bush's welfare-to-weddings proposal."

Take Part in Research on Cohabitation

Bryce Duling, a graduate student at the University of Iowa, writes, "I have developed a questionnaire to assess different cohabitation styles. I'm trying to prove that not all people cohabitate for the same reasons and therefore general assumptions should not be made to all cohabiting couples. It is my hope that with the development of this questionnaire the needs of cohabiting couples could be better met."

Film Buzz

Wedding Advice: Speak Now or Forever Hold Your Peace, SosZey Productions (2001)

Reviewed by Marshall Miller

"When are you getting married?" is a question many unmarried couples hear on a regular basis. In their new documentary film, 19-year unmarried couple Karen Sosnoski and Fred Zeytoonjian turn the question around, asking their interviewees for insights on whether they should get married. The resulting "wedding advice" runs the gamut from touching to hilarious, as the film explores the cultural contradictions surrounding marriage. Highlights include lively interviews with Sean and Alane Dent, runners-up on the Today Show’s wedding contest; Sonoski's grandmother, who was told by her father she couldn't go to school or work, but had to marry; Sarah Blustain, managing editor at The New Republic, whose article expressing skepticism about traditional weddings earned her hate mail.

Interspersed with film footage of weddings of bygone eras, Wedding Advice is both thoughtful and entertaining. It's willing to make a strong case for same-sex marriage, probe the ambivalent feelings that even married people have about the institution, and leave the viewer to draw his or her own conclusions.

To find out more about the film, and to join the list to be notified of upcoming screenings in your area, go to http://www.wedding-advice.com .

Heaps of Thank You's

Many thanks to:

- John Kilguss, who is volunteering his considerable expertise as ATMP’s bookkeeper, and also helps with mailings and other projects.

- Attorney Catherine E. Reuben of Robinson & Cole LLP, for taking ATMP on as a pro bono account and providing smart legal advice.

- Monique Sidy ( http://www.graphics360.com ), who donated the much-complimented design of our annual report.

- Volunteers LouAnn Cossette and Pam Williams, who have helped with an assortment of volunteer projects in the ATMP office and in their own homes.

- Mailing party and pre-party mailing prep volunteers Mary Baxter, Martha Ehrenfeld, Ulla Figwer, Irene Glassman, Woody Glenn, Jason Kelly, Catherine Tarbox, Trish Wilson, and the three Wainwright Bank customers who saw us in the Wainwright Bank Community Room and stopped to help.

- Everyone who send donations in response to our recent mailings and phoneathon-in-progress. (If you haven’t sent your contribution yet, you can do so online at ../getinvolved.html ).

Heartfelt thanks, also, to Ulla Figwer, Kirsten Isgro, and Jeremy Pittman, members of ATMP’s board of directors who completed their three year term of office. All three, along with Deva Kyle and Alice Yew, were present for ATMP’s first-ever board meeting and guided the 18-month process of becoming a non-profit organization. Their considerable vision, energy, ideas, labor, dedication, and financial support were instrumental in helping the organization accomplish all it has. Ulla has been re-elected for another term on the board, and Kirsten and Jeremy are bidding us farewell (as board members, but not as ATMP volunteers).

Tidbits

China to See Increase in Unmarried Men

Over the next two decades, up to 40 million young Chinese men won't be able to marry because of a shortage of women. According to China's latest census, 116.9 Chinese boys were born for every 100 girls in 2000 — an even more skewed ratio than in 1990. The sex ratio is affected by Chinese preference for boys and the country’s one-child-per-couple policy.

Births Conceived Outside Marriage Increasing in Japan

In Japan in 2000, 26% of firstborn babies was conceived before the parents were married. The figure was 12% in 1980. For women ages 20-24, 58% of births were conceived before marriage. The average age at marriage in Japan is 27 (in the U.S. it’s 27 for men, 25 for women).

News From the United States

House Approves Bill to Promote Marriage

A divided House of Representatives approved Republican welfare legislation that would provide hundreds of millions of dollars to promote marriage and sexual abstinence. The bill includes up to $300 million per year for experiments promoting marriage and extends a $50-million program promoting abstinence from sex until marriage.

There is no evidence to support the idea that marriage is an effective way to reduce poverty. ATMP believes this money would be better spent on poverty-fighting programs that have been shown to work, like living wages, education, and family-friendly workplace policies. (For more on this,see "Take Action Against Using Welfare Dollars to Promote Marriage," above)

Akron Landlord Condemned for Discrimination

The Ohio Civil Rights Commission found fault with an Akron landlord who denied housing to an unmarried couple on religious grounds. The agency said that the landlord should not have used his beliefs to deny housing to a woman, her fiancé, their child, and three of her children from a previous relationship.

Judge Bans Adoptions by Unwed Couples

Michigan’s Washtenaw County chief judge banned unmarried couples from adopting in his courts, the only county in the state that had previously granted "second parent" adoptions" to same-sex and different-sex couples where one partner is the child’s biological or adoptive parent. The adoptions were found to violate a state law that allows only single people and married couples to adopt children. The ACLU has challenged the decision.

Bush Expands Some Survivors' Eligibility

Some unmarried partner survivors of public safety officers killed on September 11th will now be eligible to receive federal death benefits. For officers killed in the line of duty who weren’t married and had no children, the measure clears the way for the federal death benefit, $250,000, to be paid to the beneficiary named in the officer's life insurance policy. The legislation is the first to provide a federal benefit to a surviving partner in a same-sex or unmarried relationship.

Constitutional Amendment To Limit Rights Introduced in House

The Alliance for Marriage announced six congressional sponsors of a proposed constitutional amendment that would limit marriage to one man and one woman, and prevent unmarried couples or families from receiving benefits associated with marriage. The Human Rights Campaign says if adopted, the amendment could deprive same-sex and different-sex unmarried couples of fundamental protections like hospital visitation rights, inheritance rights and health care benefits. Amending the constitution requires the votes of two-thirds of both houses of Congress, plus ratification of three-fourths of the states.

News From Around the World

Australia: Court OKs Lesbian Fertility Care

Australia's high court rejected a challenge by the Catholic Church that would have prevented unmarried women from having access to in-vitro fertilization (IVF) treatments. The Australian Catholic Bishops Conference appealed an earlier federal court decision protecting unmarried and lesbian women’s access to IVF, but the high court’s seven justices dismissed the case in a unanimous decision.

Iran Increases Minimum Marriage Age

Iran's arbitrating body approved a law increasing the minimum marriage age from 9 to 13 for girls and from 14 to 15 for boys. The new law stipulates that marriage of girls under 13 and boys under 15 will require court permission. The law's approval is seen as a victory for Iran's reformists, who have sought to promote women's rights.

Turkey Abandons Virginity Tests

The Turkish government has rescinded a controversial law that allowed school girls suspected of having unmarried sex to be given virginity tests. Forced gynecological examinations were common practice under the old law until five students attempted suicide by taking rat poison rather than be subjected to the test. The revised law eliminates reference to girls’ sexual behavior but makes a broader reference to the expulsion of students not behaving properly in school.

Domestic Partner News (U.S.)

New Hampshire Teachers, U. of Hawaii & Colorado Extend Same-Sex DP Benefits

In Concord, NH, teachers will now be able to request insurance for their same-sex domestic partners.

The University of Hawaii faculty union will expand its health plan to include same-sex partners. Although the state contributes toward the employee’s coverage, the domestic partner fee will have to be paid out-of-pocket since the state does not recognize domestic partnerships.

In a 5-4 vote that followed 15 years of debate, University of Colorado regents unexpectedly approved health care benefits for same-sex partners and dependents of employees. A maximum of ten people are expected to enroll.

University of California Offers Inclusive Retirement Benefits

The University of California regents voted to extend retirement benefits to same-sex and different-sex domestic partners of employees. The measure to provide benefits to same-sex partners passed on the first try; adding different-sex partners tied in committee but eventually passed 10-7. A third proposed change, to allow solo single people to designate a survivor, did not pass.

Cleveland’s DP Benefits Law Stands

Activists failed to get enough signatures for a referendum to repeal the first city ordinance in Ohio extending health benefits to same-sex domestic partners of city workers. City Council recently approved the ordinance, which allows city employees to have their domestic partners covered by the city's insurance plan.

California to Consider Equal Benefits Bill

Contractors who do business with the state of California may soon be required by law to offer employees domestic partner benefits. The measure is closely modeled after the landmark Equal Benefits Ordinance in San Francisco, which was enacted five years ago and has since been replicated in other cities.

Employers Offer Domestic Partner Benefits

The following employers have recently announced or implemented domestic partner benefits, according to the Human Rights Campaign: Allegheny Energy, AmericaCorps Alums, American Student Assistance , ASML, BodyMedia Inc., Bear Creek Corporation, CARF, Carlson Cos., Chamberlin Edmonds & Associates, ChevronTexaco Corporation, ChoicePoint Inc., Conseco Inc., Dow Chemical Company, EdiX Corporation, Expedia Inc., Game Performance Labs, Instinet Group Inc., Jacobs Civil Inc., Lafayette College, Medical Information Technology Inc. (Meditech), Merck & Co. Inc., Morgan Lewis, Pathlore Software Corporation, Radiant Systems Inc., Regis Corporation, Toyota Motor Manufacturing North America, University of Redlands, and YouthBuild USA.

Quoteworthy

"As a young single woman in my mid 20's I'm treated as if I'm a fruit. I'm considered ‘ripe’ for marriage and frequently told that if I don't marry soon I'll lose the opportunity, I'll get old and wrinkly like an apple gone-by, and just like rotten fruit, be left at the bottom of the relationship barrel."

- Anonymous, "The Stories of Unmarried People," http://www.unmarried.org/storie stold.html .