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In this section:
What Is the Marriage Boycott?
How to Take Part in the Boycott
For Further Reading
What Is the Marriage Boycott?
The Marriage Boycott is a growing grassroots movement of different-sex couples who have decided not to marry until same-sex couples are allowed to legally marry in the United States (or in their own state). Since AtMP was founded in 1998, we've heard from many people who have chosen not to marry in solidarity with same-sex couples. Many had other reasons for choosing not to marry as well, but felt this was an important factor in their feelings about marriage.
In recent years, we've noticed a real increase in the number of emails and phone calls from people who are seriously considering boycotting marriage or who have already put their wedding plans on hold. For some, the issue is an intensely personal one: they may have had a heartfelt conversation with a friend or relative in a same-sex relationship about that person's deep desire to marry, but inability to do so. For others, the issue is a symbolic one about fairness and equality, particularly as the debate over the Federal Marriage Amendment heats up in this election year. If this is the civil rights struggle of the decade, could the Marriage Boycott be the equivalent of joining the Montgomery bus boycott?
Scattered around the country, religious congregations are joining the boycott by refusing to conduct wedding ceremonies until everyone has the right to marry. For more on congregations, click here.
What do you think of the Marriage Boycott underway in America? Is a boycott an effective way to work toward equal marriage rights for same-sex couples? If so, why? Could this become a mass movement? What would that look like? Email us your thoughts.
How to Take Part in the Marriage Boycott
You Want To Support the Boycott, But You're Already Married?
You're boycotting marriage, or thinking about doing so? Here are some things you can do:
WHAT YOU CAN DO
Tell us.
Over 80 couples have already joined AtMP's informal Boycott Registry!
Join them today! Please be sure to tell us whether you're willing to
talk to the media - reporters love to cover this story, especially in
February and June.
Tell your friends. You know people are curious about why you're not marrying or postponing your wedding. A boycott depends on people knowing that it's happening.
Expand the circle of people who have a stake in equal marriage rights. If your mother or grandmother knows you won't tie the knot until your gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender friends can, maybe she'll reconsider her own feelings on the issue. Maybe she'll even become a marriage-equality activist!
Tell the world. Publicize your position on your blog or website by posting this badge:
Protect yourselves legally. Any unmarried couples, same-sex or different-sex, who plans to be in an unmarried relationship for any length of time, should work with a lawyer or use self-help legal forms to create basic legal protections like a will, health care proxy, and cohabitation agreement. See our Legal Issues section to get you started.
Have a commitment ceremony. It's possible to have a religious marriage (or a religious blessing on your relationship) without a civil marriage, or to celebrate your relationship without having a wedding. Since these options are also available to same-sex couples, some different-sex couples decide they are most comfortable with this option. To learn more about it, see the Ceremonies section of this website or check out the chapter on how to plan a non-legal wedding or commitment ceremony in Unmarried to Each Other.
Register your Domestic Partnership if your city or state offers a registry. Be sure to find out what rights and responsiblities you'll be getting - the rules are different in each place.
Support the Alternatives to Marriage Project. This small, grassroots organization is helping to build and spotlight the Marriage Boycott. We need your help to make it grow. If you found this website valuable, please click this button:
For Further Reading:
- "Standing on Ceremony" by Erik Baard in The Village Voice.
- "Life After Knight: A Call for Direct Action and Civil Disobedience" by Eric Rofes. This piece was written in 2000 after the passage of the Knight Initiative in California.
- "Support Queer Friends -- Boycott Marriage" by Brandi Sperry.
- "Is it Time to Boycott Marriage Yet?" by Eric Scheie.
- "You Are Cordially Invited to... Boycott Marriage"
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