| Marriage Boycott |
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In this section: The Marriage Boycott is a growing grassroots movement of different-sex couples who have decided not to marry until same-sex couples are allowed to legally marry in the United States (or in their own state). Since AtMP was founded in 1998, we've heard from many people who have chosen not to marry in solidarity with same-sex couples. Many had other reasons for choosing not to marry as well, but felt this was an important factor in their feelings about marriage. In recent years, we've noticed a real increase in the number of emails and phone calls from people who are seriously considering boycotting marriage or who have already put their wedding plans on hold. For some, the issue is an intensely personal one: they may have had a heartfelt conversation with a friend or relative in a same-sex relationship about that person's deep desire to marry, but inability to do so. For others, the issue is a symbolic one about fairness and equality, particularly as the debate over the Federal Marriage Amendment heats up in this election year. If this is the civil rights struggle of the decade, could the Marriage Boycott be the equivalent of joining the Montgomery bus boycott? Scattered around the country, religious congregations are joining the boycott by refusing to conduct wedding ceremonies until everyone has the right to marry. For more on congregations, click here. What do you think of the Marriage Boycott underway in America? Is a boycott an effective way to work toward equal marriage rights for same-sex couples? If so, why? Could this become a mass movement? What would that look like? Email us your thoughts and we'll post a few of them here as time and space allows. So You Want To Support the Boycott, But You're Already Married? If You're Taking Part in the Marriage Boycott You've joined the Marriage Boycott, or you're thinking about doing so? Here are some things to consider. - Tell people why you're not marrying or postponing your wedding. A boycott is always more effective if people are aware that people they know are taking part. Also, this expands the circle of people who have a stake in equal marriage rights for same-sex couples. If your mother or grandmother knows you won't tie the knot until your gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender friends can, will that motivate her to consider her own feelings on the issue, and maybe even turn her into a freedom to marry activist? - Protect yourselves legally. Any unmarried couples, same-sex or different-sex, who plans to be in an unmarried relationship for any length of time, should work with a lawyer or a self-help legal guide to create basic legal protections like a will, health care proxy, and cohabitation agreement. See our Legal Issues section to get you started. - Consider having a wedding or commitment ceremony without a marriage license. It's possible to have a religious marriage (or a religious blessing on your relationship) without a civil marriage, or to celebrate your relationship without having a wedding. Since these options are also available to same-sex couples, some different-sex couples decide they are most comfortable with this option. To learn more about it, see the Ceremonies section of this website or check out the chapter on how to plan a non-legal wedding or commitment ceremony in Unmarried to Each Other. - Let us know you're taking part! We have begun informally tracking the number of people who are taking part in the Marriage Boycott -- at some point we may set up a system where people can register and be counted. At this point, we'd love to count you so that we can tell the journalists who are reporting on this issue. Also, if you'd be willing to share your story and your opinion with reporters, let us know! In order to do this, we need your name, city and state, phone number (daytime, ideally), and a brief description of your situation. - Make a donation to the Alternatives to Marriage Project. As a small, grassroots organization, that is helping to build and spotlight the Marriage Boycott movement, we need your help to pay for basic things like phone lines, office supplies, Internet access, and the salary of our one paid staffperson. If you find our work valuable, please make a contribution.
- "Standing on Ceremony" by Erik Baard in The Village Voice. |
© 2008 Alternatives to Marriage Project