About five years ago, I met my partner Dan. We dated, we fell in love, we moved in together. We were, for the most part, following all of the expected steps dictated to us by our hetero-normative society. However, it turns out we were not necessarily comfortable with the next step - legal marriage. We knew that our commitment to each other was strong and we did not feel it necessary to have our relationship sanctioned by the state. We were uneasy with entering into an institution that grants privileges to some relationships, but not all. Therefore, we decided to forgo legal marriage, but we were plagued with questions. How would we explain our decision to family and friends? What would we call each other? How would our legal rights be protected? Could we still have a ceremony of some sort? I turned to Google for answers to my questions, and thanks to a successful search, I discovered Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller’s book Unmarried to Each Other. I read it cover to cover in a day, thrilled to read about the experiences of other happily unmarried people. I checked out the Alternatives to Marriage Project mentioned in the book, and was delighted to find an organization that advocates for the equality and fairness of unmarried people.

I have since chosen to pursue the topic of unmarried couples for my Ph.D. dissertation in Sociology at the University of Colorado-Boulder. Through my research, I have found that couples are unable to, or choose not to, marry legally for a variety of reasons. I was often touched by stories of love and commitment. Unfortunately, I was also often saddened by stories of marital discrimination. It was the stories of discrimination, of not being able to get health insurance for a partner, of unsupportive families and friends, which made me want to get involved in AtMP. I applied to be on the board so that I may contribute to an organization that is working for such a very important cause. I applied to be on the board so that I may work towards a future where marital status no longer matters, a future where all relationships are valued and accepted.

Two years ago, Dan and I had a lovely commitment ceremony. We invited friends and family and we enjoyed celebrating in a way that felt right for us. We live in beautiful Boulder, Colorado. I am finishing my dissertation while teaching undergraduate sociology courses. Dan and I share our home and our lives with our furry children, Koda and Shadow the dogs, and Chief and Sophie the cats. We are very happily unmarried. And I am very excited to be on the board of AtMP.

Have ideas for AtMP? Want to get involved in some way? Contact me: Alison.Hatch [at] colorado.edu.