Alternatives to Marriage Update:
November 1998

In this issue:

News From Around the United States
Statistics
Research
Online
Recent and Upcoming Workshops
Wish List

News From Around the United States

Noticed by Newsweek
The November 2nd issue of Newsweek (a special theme issue on children of the next millennium) included a short article called "I Do, I Do -- Maybe" about unmarried couples. The article focused on the increasing numbers of unmarried couples having children (related trivia: the majority of first births in the United States are now to unmarried women). We don't think it's a coincidence that unmarried couples make it into the national news because they have children -- the subject of unmarrieds having kids is one many people we interview seem to be thinking about.

New Mexico Case Update
A few weeks ago we e-mailed a paragraph about a case in New Mexico about a man who had been arrested. The judge apparently refused to release the man on bail because he lived with his girlfriend, breaking New Mexico's law against unmarried cohabitation. As we understand it, the man was eventually released with the stipulation that he not live with his girlfriend. We hope to do more work to advocate for New Mexico (and the seven other states in which cohabitation is still technically illegal) to repeal these outdated laws. Laws that make cohabitation illegal are generally not enforced, but they are occasionally used by judges, employers, and others in states where they exist.

Chicago Lawsuit
In Chicago, a city of Chicago employee who lost his job is suing the city, alleging sex discrimination. Chicago offers domestic partner benefits to employees with a same-sex partner, but not opposite sex. This employee was in a long-term relationship with a female partner, with whom he had a child. He was penalized by his employer for taking time off from work when his partner's father died (his father-in-law, if they had been married). He is arguing in court that if he had been a woman with a female domestic partner, he would have received time off for the illness and death of a family member. Because he was a man with a female domestic partner, the city reduced his pay, reprimanded him, and used the issue as one ground for his termination. The Alternatives to Marriage Project joined several other groups in an amicus curiae written by Thomas Coleman of the Spectrum Institute to support the employee's case.

Connecticut Lawsuit
Five West Hartford families plan to file complaints with the state Commission on Human Rights and Opportunities, charging the town with discrimination over the cost of using a town swimming pool. The families, which include gay couples, an unmarried couple, and their children, say the town discriminates against them by refusing to recognize them as traditional families. As a result, their families pay $200 to $300 more per membership than married couples and families.

Boston Backlash
A dozen Boston residents, members and supporters of the Catholic Action League of Massachusetts, filed a suit last week to overturn Boston's newly granted domestic partner benefits for same and opposite-sex partners of city employees. The suit charges that the city illegally usurped the state's role in defining civil relationships and asks for a preliminary injunction to immediately stop enforcement of the policy.

We're Not Married, and We Vote!
According to exit polls, one-third of people that voted in the recent elections were unmarried. Unmarried peoplewere more likely to vote for Democratic candidates. In the House races, for example, 62% of unmarried people voted for Democratic candidates, compared with only 46% of married people who voted for Democrats. Interesting note: The Democratic National Committee offers domestic partner benefits to its employees, but only to same-sex couples. Perhaps all of us can change these types of discriminatory policies by organizing and telling our employers that *all* unmarried people deserve equal pay for equal work, regardless of the gender of our domestic partner.

Statistics

Unmarried Partner States
According to Census data, Alaska has a higher percentage of unmarried partners living together than any other state; Alabama's percentage is the lowest. Here are the top and bottom 10 states in terms of the percentages:
States with Highest Percentages of Unmarried Cohabiting Partners (including same sex and opposite sex):
1 Alaska - highest percentage of unmarrieds
2 Vermont
3 Nevada
4 Maine
5 New Hampshire
6 D.C.
7 Washington
8 Oregon
9 New Mexico
10 California


States with Lowest Percentages of Unmarried Cohabiting Partners (including same sex and opposite sex):
1 Alabama - lowest percentage of unmarrieds
2 Arkansas
3 Utah
4 North Dakota
5 Oklahoma
6 Tennessee
7 Mississippi
8 West Virginia
9 Kentucky
10 Kansas

Research

We've interviewed 31 unmarried couples so far, beating our minimum goal of 30. We hope to complete all interviews by the end of December, and we think numbers like 40 or 50 sound great! In addition to unmarried people, we've interviewed a few adult children of unmarried parents. If you know other people who fit in this category, please put us in touch! Most of our final interviews are already being arranged. However, there are a few groups of people we would still like to interview. We are seeking people who fit into any ONE of the following categories:
- are raising children, or
- at least one person in the relationship is a person of color, or
- at least one person in the relationship is over age 60, or
- have held a ceremony or ritual for the relationship, or
- have been in an unmarried relationship for 20 years or more.
If you or someone you know fits into one of these categories, please contact us! If we have already been in contact with you about scheduling an interview, that means we're interested, regardless of whether you fit the above categories.

Online

ATMP-Talk
If you would like to subscribe to our online discussion and announcement list, ATMP-talk, send us an e-mail requesting that we add you to the list. If you would prefer to subscribe to the list in weekly digest form (only one message per week), let us know.

Upcoming and Recent Workshops

Upcoming: Rhode Island

Rhode Island: Are you in driving distance of Rhode Island? Save the date! On Saturday, January 9th from 2-4 p.m., we will be holding a community forum at the Rochambeau Library on the East Side of Providence. The forum, entitled "Happiness Without Wedding Bells: Considering Alternatives to Marriage," is free and open to the public. Contact us for directions to the library!

Upcoming: Florida
In January we will also be presenting a workshop or two in Florida -- we'll post the details when we know more.

Upcoming: New Jersey/New York/Connecticut
We've been asked to announce an upcoming Tri-State Regional Bisexual Conference. It will be held February 5-7, 1999, in New Brunswick, NJ on Douglass College campus at Rutgers University. The conference slogan is "Going Beyond the Rainbow: Leave Your Borders at the Door." Proposals for workshops are currently being accepted. For more information, email This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , voicemail (732)246-3769, or visit http://www.biconf.org.

Last Weekend
Last weekend we attended Creating Change, the annual national conference of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender (LGBT) political movement. Amidst much discussion about winning the right to marry, we talked with many LGBT people who felt it was important also to protect the rights of unmarried people. We talked with some foundations about the possibility of their supporting our work financially, and attended an excellent workshop on domestic partner benefits with panelist attorney Paula Ettelbrick, a longtime advocate/theorist on this issue.

The Future
It's always wonderful to continue the conversation about the issues facing unmarried people with different groups around the country. We would love to speak in your city or at an upcoming conference you know about! E-mail or call us to discuss the possibilities.

Wish List

Unmarried people seem to be particularly generous. In the past few months we have received donations of a fax machine from Thomas Coleman of the Spectrum Institute, accounting services from Linda McCarthy, C.P.A., possibly a logo (still being discussed), and excellent networking (to help us find people to interview). Thanks!!
Our office could still use a paper cutter and postal meter. If you have one you can donate, we'd appreciate it!
We are also in need of a Macintosh computer (with monitor, keyboard and mouse) capable of running Word 6.0. You'd be surprised how many seemingly ancient computers out there that are capable of running Word 6.0. Have one hiding in your closet? Considering an upgrade? Own a computer business? We would be eternally grateful for the donation of your old one.