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| October 2001 |
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Alternatives to Marriage Update:
In this issue:
Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project
1) Party with ATMP in Boston This Month
4) Intern and Volunteer Positions Available
5) Bring Alternatives to Marriage to Your Campus or Group In the Media
Folio Alerts Magazine Publishers to Unmarried Market Book Buzz
Young Wives' Tales: New Adventures in Love and Partnership The generation now in their twenties and thirties will recognize their lives in Young Wives' Tales, a new collection of essays by young women about their marriages and unmarried relationships. The anthology captures the myriad of ways young women have responded to being the first generation to grow up with feminism, a high divorce rate, and the continuing expectation that we will marry. Some of the contributors to Young Wives' Tales have brought a feminist consciousness to their marriages, such as a woman who bought her husband an engagement ring to match hers. Some married for pragmatic reasons: to get health insurance, or to yield to relentless family pressure. The book contains the voices of several bisexual and lesbian women, some married (legally or not), some not, and one in a long-term triad (relationship of three people). Two essays, Rachel Fudge's "Why I Don't" and Stacy Bierlein's "Sex and the Shacked-Up Girl," are articulate insights on long-term cohabitors who choose not to marry. Fudge quips, "On the wedding question, I'm the girl who can't say yes." Editors Corral and Miya-Jervis, young wives themselves, did a superb job of selecting gems for inclusion in the book. For young women who grew up knowing that marriage isn't as simple as finding the handsome prince, Young Wives' Tales is a refreshing look at our thoughtful, if wildly varied, take on the institution of marriage. Tidbits Movement for Conservative Christian Courtship Grows The New York Times reports that a small but growing Christian movement begins the courtship process with betrothal ceremonies where young couples commit to marriage, exchange rings, and promise to be faithful to each other before they've kissed, held hands, or gotten to know each other. The couples date in groups and are chaperoned by parents, pastors, or peers. A young man must seek permission from the parents of the young woman he wishes to date. Egyptian Man Has Married and Divorced 203 Times
According to the Los Angeles Times, a 70 year old Egyptian man who has been
married and divorced 203 times is currently single and looking for two
wives in case one does not work out. Many of the man's past brides married
him for protection, because they had had sex with other men without being
married and feared being disgraced or killed. He considers the marriages a
public service. Islamic practice allows women to marry and then divorce,
but not have sex with a man who is not her husband. British experts say men and women are increasingly moving in together for financial reasons rather than emotional attachment. In London, where house prices have risen most, the number of cohabiting couples is 8% higher than in the rest of the country. Some predict a high rate of breakups in the future because couples have rushed into living together. Sizzling Statistics Thanks to Jennifer Regal for her help compiling the statistics and news in this issue! Widespread Adoption of DP Benefits Continues
The newest report from the Human Rights Campaign finds that over 4,200
employers now offer domestic partner benefits, a 50% increase since 1999.
The report finds that the trends toward offering domestic partner benefits
are clearest among Fortune 500 companies -- the number offering them more
than doubled in the last three years. Nine out of ten employers offering
domestic partner benefits make them available to both same-sex and
different-sex couples.
Europeans Mixed on Whether Those Having Kids Should Marry A Eurostat survey of European Union countries found varied responses to the statement, "Those who wish to have children should get married or would do better to marry." Seventy-four percent of Greeks agreed, as did 63% in Portugal, 61% in Ireland, 54% in Germany, and 52% in Italy. People in other countries were more likely to agree with, "It is up to the couple who wants to have children whether they should marry or not": 70% of Swedes, 65% of Dutch, 63% of French, Danish, and Spanish, 53% of Finns, and 50% of Austrians and Belgians. 'Non-Traditional' Households Common in Nevada Nevada has the highest percentage of households whose occupants were unrelated and also ranked high in other non-traditional household categories. Nevada tied Alaska for the highest percentage of households headed by unmarried men (5.5%, compared to a 4.2% national average). Nevada also ranked fourth highest in the nation for the percent of households containing unmarried partners (7.2%, exceeded only by Alaska, Vermont, and Maine. The national average was 5.2 percent.) On the other end of the spectrum, Nevada ranked 46th for married couple households: 49.7% compared to the 51.7% national average. Vegas Wedding Industry Shook Up By East Coast Terrorist Strikes Las Vegas saw a steep drop in marriage license applications immediately after the September 11th attacks. For three days after the Federal Aviation Administration stopped air travel, the number of marriage licenses dropped about 40% compared with the same dates last year. Unmarried Women Increasingly Buying Homes According to the National Association of Realtors, 31.7% of all home buyers in 1999 were unmarried women. Most Say Cohabitation Morally OK A new study by the Barna Research Group found that 58% of adults say that cohabitation is morally acceptable. Forty-two percent of adults who regularly attend church said that it is acceptable, and 36% of born-again Christian adults agree. Japanese Economy May Slow Marriage Rate More than half of Japan's single people say they the nation's poor economy will force couples to delay marriage, according to a new survey. Fifty-five percent of the men and 47% of the women between the ages of 25 and 34 who took part in the poll said economic concerns would make people postpone tying the knot. On the other hand, thirteen percent of men and 19% of women said the poor state of the economy may encourage people to get married earlier than planned. News From the United States Partners of Sept. 11th Victims Qualify for Limited Aid
Because New York state does not recognize domestic partners, the partners
of people who died in the World Trade Centers on September 11th are not
eligible for emergency assistance from the state. Some private agencies,
including the Red Cross, have begun to offer assistance to the same-sex
partners of survivors in an attempt to fill the gap. It is not clear
whether agencies are recognizing different-sex partners -- some agencies
may be recognizing the next of kin named in the deceased's legal documents.
Sept. 11th Impacts Marriage and Relationships Many newspapers reported that dating services and online personals have had significantly increased business after the September 11th attacks. In Houston, couples reportedly withdrew their divorce cases at three times the normal rate in the 10 working days after September 11, with nearly 400 cases being dismissed. Marriage rates rose sharply among military couples. Utah Spends Welfare Dollars to Promote Marriage Utah's Governor's Commission on Marriage received $600,000 in welfare funds to develop an informational video for engaged couples, promote marriage and pay for counseling and mediation for "fragile families (defined as low-income families, newlyweds, second marriages, cohabiting couples, and prisoner families), develop a marriage website, and plan Marriage Week and marriage conference events. The Alternatives to Marriage Project believes that welfare funds should be spent on programs that reduce poverty directly, not on programs that "promote marriage." While programs to help create strong marriages are valuable, the skills taught and support offered should be available to all families, not just married or engaged ones. Pennsylvania Court Says Same-Sex Couple Isn't 'Cohabiting' The Pennsylvania State Superior Court says that "cohabitation" must be a relationship of different-sex partners, and so will not let a man use his ex-wife's living with another woman as grounds to end his $1,000-a-month alimony payments. The judges said the case followed the same reasoning as recent opinions barring same-sex couples from adopting or marrying. The ex-husband's payments were to end after two years if his ex-wife were to "cohabitate." The Alternatives to Marriage Project believes that legal definitions of cohabitation should be gender-neutral: people should not be rewarded or penalized because of the sex or gender of their partner. Iowa Says Long-Term Couple Were Not Common Law Spouses The Iowa Court of Appeals says that a couple's 18 year cohabiting relationship did not qualify as a common-law marriage. One partner had filed for divorce, arguing that because their relationship was a common-law marriage, she was entitled to alimony and a share of the property and pension. The court denied the claim saying that in Iowa, common-law marriages are defined not just by living together but by an agreement to eventually marry and a "public declaration" that the couple are living as husband and wife. For more on this subject, see our Common Law Marriage Fact Sheet . Polygamist Tom Green Appeals Bigamy Conviction Self-proclaimed polygamist Tom Green filed an appeal of his conviction on charges of bigamy and failure to pay child support after the trial judge refused to grant him a new trial. Tom Green, 53, was sentenced in August to spend up to five years in prison for bigamy. He lived in Utah with five wives and 30 children.
News From Around the World Many Young Swazi Women Ignore Sex Ban Swaziland's king ordered all unmarried girls under age 18 to wear a symbolic chastity belt, a tasseled scarf signaling that they may not be touched by men for five years. The scarves are an effort to combat the country's HIV-infection rate: over 25% of adults are infected. Many young women are refusing to wear the scarves, especially in the cities. Some said the ban would not be effective since young girls are frequently forced to marry sexually experienced men far older than themselves. South African Gives Single Dad Custody in Landmark Ruling The Kimberley High Court in South Africa granted a single father custody of his one year old son. In the past, unmarried fathers have not had rights to their own children under South African law, but now laws have been changed to give fathers the same rights as mothers. South Africa Considers Survivor Benefits for Judges' Partners South Africa's parliament is considering legislation to ensure that the benefits received by the spouses of deceased judges are also available to the same-sex and different-sex domestic partners of judges. An investigation by the South African Law Commission found that the additional funds for this purpose are expected to be minimal, and can be accommodated in the existing budget. British Woman Jailed for Marrying 18 Times A British woman who married 18 times in the country's largest immigration racket of its kind was jailed for three years. Her sister was sentenced to two years after six illegal marriages. Each woman received either £1,500 or a piece of furniture from her new husband, who was being helped to avoid immigration laws. The women say their sole motivation was to be able to care for their children. Scotland Protects More Partners, Others, from Domestic Violence A bill extending Scottish laws protecting victims of domestic violence will become law early next year after receiving Royal Assent. Legal protection will be given to abusive victims including divorced spouses, same-sex partners, partners who do not live together, parents, and neighbors. Domestic Partner News (U.S.) California School District, Colorado County Grant Inclusive Benefits Unmarried same-sex and different-sex partners of some employees at the Laguna Beach Unified School Board are now eligible for domestic partner benefits after a unanimous school board vote. The school district is now the first in Orange County to offer the benefits. The Summit County, Colorado Board of Commissioners approved a plan to grant its employees' same- and different-sex partners health insurance benefits. To learn more about how to convince your employer to do so, visit the Domestic Partner Benefits section of our Resources page. New Orleans Employees, Mitsubishi to Receive Same-Sex-Only DP Benefits The New Orleans City Council approved a plan to make health benefits available to the same-sex partners of city workers. The move places into law a policy implemented by executive order in 1997 and means a new mayor could not revoke the policy without council action. Mitsubishi Motor Manufacturing of America approved a new contract with the United Auto Workers that includes a provision to extend health insurance benefits to employees' same-sex partners. The move follows that of the Big Three U.S. automakers, which approved similar contracts with the International UAW in June 2000. Employers Continue to Extend Domestic Partner Benefits According to the Human Rights Campaign, the following employers recently announced or implemented benefits: Academy for Educational Development, Corning, County of Santa Clara, California, Goodrich Corporation, Irell & Manella LLP, King & Spalding, Marimba, The E. W. Scripps Company, Saint Barnabas Health Care System, and University Hospitals of Cleveland. House Allows D.C. To Spend Local Funds on DP Benefits The U.S. House voted overwhelmingly in favor of legislation that would allow the District of Columbia to spend its local funds to establish domestic partner benefits, ending a restriction imposed 10 years ago by Congress. The legislation would allow an employee of the District of Columbia to purchase health insurance at his or her own expense for a domestic partner. Domestic Partner Bill Passes California Senate A bill to give more rights to registered domestic partners passed the California State Senate. Under the bill, a partner could adopt the other partner's child, use employee sick leave to care for a partner or their child, make health care decisions for an incapacitated partner, and file a lawsuit to collect damages for wrongful death. Governor Gray Davis has said he will sign the bill into law, but opponents are lobbying him to change his position. California allows same-sex couples and different-sex couples over age 62 to register as domestic partners. Massachusetts Social Workers Get Limited DP Recognition A new contract for Massachusetts social workers includes some benefits for the same-sex domestic partners of employees, including leave to care for an ill partner, bereavement leave if a partner dies, and paid time off for court appearances or counseling for victims of domestic violence. The contract does not provide health insurance for domestic partners. Federal Gov't Urged To Consider Partners Family Members Two advocacy groups for lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people are urging the government to make its newest employee benefit, Long Term Care Insurance for the Federal Family, available to employees' domestic partners. According to the Office of Personnel Management's web site, the agency is thinking of expanding the long-term care program but has not made any decisions about what categories -- from grandparents to domestic partners -- might be deemed eligible relatives. Legislative Committee Approves DP Benefits for Massachusetts State workers living with a same-sex or different-sex partner would be able to get health insurance for their domestic partners under a bill approved by a Massachusetts State Senate committee. The bill would also let cities and towns decide to offer domestic partner benefits. The Massachusetts State Senate has approved two similar bills in recent years but none have become law. Houston Residents Will Vote on DP Benefits Ban The Houston City Council placed a referendum on the November ballot to ban domestic partner benefits for the same-sex partners of city employees. If voters approve it, the referendum would amend the city charter to prohibit the city from providing medical and other benefits to the same-sex partners of city employees. The city does not offer such benefits now, but has considered changing that policy. Quoteworthy
"What it boils down to is this: Marriage feels wrong. My relationship with
Hugh feels very, very right. Marriage is irrelevant to the daily hubbub of
our relationship. Marriage is like lipstick or high heels or party
dresses: so incredibly foreign and so clearly the trappings of someone
else's idea of womanhood."
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