By Simon Katz

In all my sociology classes, I have never read anything that so clearly shows the human side of alternative family forms as One Big Happy Family, a collection of essays by prominent writers edited by Rebecca Walker. The theme of this collection meshes extremely well with the message of AtMP, and even as a newly contributing writer for this newsletter, I can feel confident saying that people have something to gain from reading this book.

Walker’s effort brings a wide range of relationships into one simple book. It effortlessly shows the reader the trials and tribulations of being dependent on people in ways that most of society deems illegitimate while also managing to highlight the parts that make all the work worthwhile. Dan Savage and Dawn Friedman illustrate the costs and benefits of open adoption, yet even broken families can seem like one cohesive unit. Suzanne Kamata and Susan McKinney de Ortega wonderfully address the integration of bicultural families that go against traditional homophily. Many others add detail on how interdependency can go far deeper than legal or blood ties, from service bordering love from a nanny to self-endangering dedication to friends. And, of course, there are varied and interesting accounts of single motherhood and extended families.

Perhaps one of the most interesting things about Walker’s collection is that she still finds the time to value marriage for the undeniable benefits it can provide. Take that with a grain of salt; maybe it would read better as “the undeniable benefits in can provide to those able to participate”. However, I still find it important that Walker managed to rope in accounts of egalitarian marriage, sown through unquestionable sacrifices to reap amazing rewards, as well as accounts of marriage’s value and the attempts to get it right.

However, One Big Happy Family isn’t without flaws. Of course it falls to the gay man to point out that even though Walker includes queer or otherwise identifying writers, the issues they address largely ignore the question of their acceptance in society. Instead, they focus on the broad categories of adoption or marriage without identifying the difficulties their specific communities face regarding these topics. Forgive me if I feel like these relationships represent a major portion of alternative families that would have fit into this book. Also, while Walker provides glimpses into the male perspective of a few issues of family in her book, the male voice is largely absent. Of the nineteen writers, only four are male, and only 3.5 of the essays take into account these male views. I think it would be interesting to clarify the male vision of alternatives to marriage and family structures that dare to go outside the norm.

All in all, Walker has done a very good job of finding writers that can humanize the issues surrounding marriage and family, showing everyone that different is not inherently synonymous with wrong. A quick look at these writers’ experiences offers immense clarity on some often confusing topics. I highly recommend One Big Happy Family to anyone looking to learn more about the impact of these issues on the personal level as well as those who are unsure of their opinions.