By Bernadette Wright 

The Human Rights Campaign reports, "There has been a sharp increase in state legislation that would prohibit or restrict the ability of GLBT people to adopt children or to serve as foster parents."[1]  Often, these discriminatory legislative proposals would exclude not only GLBT people, but cohabitating unmarried couples of all sexual orientations. 

No research exists to support such discriminatory laws.  For example, a 2006 study by the Evan B. Donaldson Institute found "no child-centered reason to prevent gays and lesbians from becoming adoptive parents." The report recommended that "gay and lesbian parents be utilized more extensively to provide permanent, loving homes for children living in state care across the country."[3]

Currently, 114,000 children and teens in the United States in foster care are unable to return to their families and are in need of other permanent homes.[4]  Some of these young people are undoubtedly members of the GLBT community themselves, who could benefit from a permanent placement with GLBT caregivers.

Other segments of society have also faced discrimination in adoption and foster care, sometimes with tragic results for children.  For example, in September, Gary Stocklaufer filed an appeal to maintain custody of Max, the son of his cousin.  Gary and his wife had been caring for Max at the request of Gary’s cousin, Max’s mother, Penny.[5]  Penny clearly stated that she wanted her child to be adopted by her cousin, who had been caring for the boy since he was a week old.  Yet a judge denied Gary’s petition to adopt Max because Gary was overweight, resulting in Max being removed from his uncle’s home to be placed with strangers, against the wishes of his mother, and despite the fact that Gary had undergone gastric bypass surgery and begun to lose weight.

In her presentation for the 2007 Adoption Ethics conference, Mirah Riben posed the following questions regarding the ruling against Stocklaufer: [6]

• "Why are the wishes of both the original and extended family being denied?"
• "Why do families need to compete with strangers in terms of their weight, sexual preferences, marital status, or finances?"
• "Why do they need to battle with their last dollars to remain together?"

Adoption must always be about providing homes for children after all attempts to keep the family together have been exhausted, not providing children for homes.  Thus, although nobody has a "right to adopt," we should oppose discriminatory adoption, guardianship, and foster care laws because they:

• Decrease options for children and teens in foster care who cannot return to their families to find a home
• Prevent GLBT youth in foster care from being placed with GLBT caregivers
• Ignore the wishes of both the original and extended families
• Unnecessarily separate family members

In addition, such discriminatory laws are based on the notion that only people who are the right age, the right weight, heterosexual, and married are “fit” to take care of children.   They are based on the anti-family idea that it’s more important that a child be with a married, heterosexual, healthy and able-bodied, financially stable couple than with his own flesh and blood.  This in turn could have far reaching harmful effects on the family members who are unnecessarily separated. 

We must stop the religious right from defining who is "good enough" to raise a child.  Battling these dangerous laws provides a perfect opportunity for collaboration among diverse advocacy organizations, including:

• AtMP and other organizations that represent single, cohabitating, and other unmarried people
• Natural family preservation advocates
• Organizations for grandparents raising grandchildren, because states have sometimes prohibited grandparents from gaining custody of their own grandchildren because of their age
• GLBT advocacy organizations
• Advocates for overweight people and people with disabilities, who have also been discriminated against as parents

Let us unite and tell lawmakers to put family and children first, not bigotry.

Bernadette Wright, PhD lives in Fairfax, Virginia with her partner, Don.  She is a member of AtMP and President of OriginsUSA, where she promotes family preservation and advocates for people separated by adoption.

[1] http://www.hrc.org/issues/parenting.asp

[2] http://www.365gay.com/Newscon07/10/100807ark.htm

[3] http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/policy/2006_Expanding_Resources_for_Children.php

[4] http://www.adoptuskids.org/resourceCenter/aboutTheChildren.aspx

[5] http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2007-08-24-2808744902_x.htm;  http://www.free-press-release.com/news/200709/1190080504.html

[6] Mirah Riben, The Evan B. Donaldson Adoption Institute and Ethica, Inc., Adoption Ethics and Accountability Conference, October 15-16, 2007, Arlington, Virginia