New Features! AtMP has partnered with Powell's Books.  If you click a book title on this page and purchase the book from Powell's, a portion of your purchase will support AtMP!  In fact, any Powell's purchase by searching or linking from this page will support our work! 

AtMP especially thanks these authors and organizations for their partnership and support*.

• Relationships
• Social, Cultural and Historical Critiques of Marriage and Family
• Organizations
• Support and Discussion Groups

Relationships

Directory of Marriage, Family, and Couples Education Programs
This page allows you to search for couples education programs in your area. Many classes are available to unmarried couples, married couples, engaged couples, and gay, lesbian, or bisexual couples. Instead of offering counseling or therapy, these type of classes believe that relationships succeed and last because the people involved have specific skills, which the classes help you learn.

* Equality in Marriage Institute
A nonprofit organization whose mission is to educate men and women on the importance of equality in their relationships. Publishes The Commitment Conversation, a guide designed to help individuals understand the importance of effective communication and decision-making with their partner on challenging topics such as children, finances, and relationship goals. The organization ceased operations in August 2006 and the website is no longer updated; nonetheless, it is full of practical suggestions of timeless value.

HeartChoice.com
A website of articles and links about relationships, including sections on finding a partner, marriage, divorce, and sexual intimacy.

Requesting Respect for Unmarrieds by Amy Hayden
Amy Hayden, an "unmarried-but-not-single" mother with children, has something on her mind, and in "Requesting Respect for Unmarrieds" she spills it. Read what Hayden feels her government might do to support unmarried parents with children.

Valentine's Reflection: True Love and Marriage by Mary Esselman and Elizabeth Velez
Two women counter commercialized "love" with classic poetry.

Ten Ways To Improve Your Chances for a Good Marriage After Cohabitation, by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller.
This short article lists some things cohabitors (or future cohabitors) can do to increase the chance of having a strong marriage.

Social, Cultural and Historical Critiques of Marriage and Family

Books Containing Social, Cultural and Historical Critiques of Marriage and Family

*Beyond (Straight and Gay) Marriage, by Nancy Polikoff (2008)

"Marriage as a family form is not more important or valuable than other forms of family,” writes gay rights activist and American University law professor Nancy Polikoff, "so the law should not give it more value." We agree! This book exposes flaws in our legal system and offers policy solutions that are more universal than same-sex marriage.

All the Happy Families: Exploring the Varieties of Family Life by Paul Bohannan (1985).

Bohannan argues that increases in the divorce rate are neither as alarming nor as dramatic as some would suggest. The book includes chapters on the history of marriage and divorce and on polygamous marriages.

Continuity and Change in the American Family by Lynne M. Casper and Suzanne M. Bianchi (2001) .

Written against the backdrop of the "family decline" debate, these sociologists sort the last 50 years of family data into cohesive categories and comparisons by date. They then examine data from the past two decades in relation to family-related behaviors (such as cohabitation, fathering, single-parenting, grand-parenting, work and family) to search for causes of change in the American family and consequences of those changes.

You can read our review of this book here.

* Cutting Loose: Why Women Who End Their Marriages Do So Well by Ashton Applewhite (1998).

Contrary to the image of the financially-strapped, emotionally-exhausted divorcee, this book tells the stories of women who thrived after leaving unhappy relationships and offers encouragement and advice on surviving divorce.

* Here Comes the Bride: Women, Weddings, and the Marriage Mystique, by Jaclyn Geller (2001).

A scathing critique of the institution by a feminist who argues that it's not OK to get married. Geller focuses particular attention on how marriage proposals, engagement announcements, wedding invitations, brides, wedding dresses, and weddings themselves are represented in popular culture
To read our full review of this book, check out our July 2001 Update.

* Heterosexual Women Changing the Family: Refusing to be a 'Wife'! by Jo Van Every (1995).

About women in a variety of "anti-sexist living arrangements," both married and unmarried.

Informal Marriage, Cohabitation and the Law 1750-1989, by Stephen Parker (1990).

An academic but fascinating history of cohabitation and "marriage-like" relationships in Great Britain.

Just Living Together: Implications of Cohabitation on Families, Children, and Social Policy, edited by Alan Booth and Ann Crouter (2002).

An excellent collection of articles from a recent academic conference on cohabitation, including research by leading experts in the field.

Marriage Shock: The Transformation of Women into Wives by Dalma Heyn (1997).

Based on interviews and surveys with married women, Heyn chronicles how women change -- often for the worse -- after they get married. Although Heyn concludes that more "conscious" marriages could prevent what she calls "marriage shock," some of us might find her data another good reason not to get married. We found this book to be a fascinating read.

Public Vows: A History of Marriage and the Nation by Nancy Cott (2000).

Yale University historian Nancy Cott's book on the history of marriage in the United States offers a fascinating glimpse of the role marriage has played in some of the country's most contentious social issues, and reminds us of the man-made nature of the institution.
To read our full review of this book, check out our January 2001 Update.

* Unmarried to Each Other: The Essential Guide to Living Together as an Unmarried Couple, by Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller (2002).

Based on interviews with over 100 people in unmarried relationships, this book by AtMP's founders explores the ten most common reasons why people choose not to marry or delay marriage, and outlines a vision for a future that recognizes and supports a wide range of relationships and families, both married and unmarried.  You can support AtMP by buying this book from us online.

* The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap by Stephanie Coontz (1992)

The Way We Really Are: Coming To Terms With America's Changing Families by Stephanie Coontz (1997)

This pair of books by historian Stephanie Coontz offer clarifying insights into how families have and have not changed -- based on actual information, instead of alarmist "family values" hand-wringing.

What Is Marriage For? The Strange Social History of Our Most Intimate Institution by E.J. Graff (1999).

Even if you're not a history buff, this book is a fascinating trip through the history of marriage, proving beyond any doubt that with as many changes as the institution has seen, there's no such thing as "traditional marriage." Ultimately, Graff's mission is to legalize same-sex marriage. While we support her cause, we think she's too quick to brush aside the concerns of those for whom marriage isn't the goal.
To read our full review of this book, check out our August 1999 Update.

White Weddings: Romancing Heterosexuality in Popular Culture by Chrys Ingraham (1999).

In this book, Chrys Ingraham provides a much-needed critique of the $35 billion dollar a year wedding industry. Just as Coca-Cola sells soft drinks, the wedding industry's product is marriage, and its magazines, advertising, and billboards are yet another source of the pressure to marry. To read our full review of this book, check out our May 1999 Update.

Wifework: What Marriage Really Means for Women, by Susan Maushart (2001).

The role of "wife" is one feminists critiqued harshly in the '60s and '70s, but since that time the assumption seems to be that gender roles in marriage have changed. In Wifework, Susan Maushart shows that they have not -- or not nearly enough.
To read our full review of this book, check out our February/March 2002 Update.

* Women Who May Never Marry: The Reasons, Realities, and Opportunities by Leanna Wolfe (1993).

This fascinating book, written by a feminist anthropologist, explores the multitudes of reasons women might not be married, focusing mostly on women who are not in relationships (as opposed to women in unmarried relationships).

Links About Social, Cultural and Historical Critiques of Marriage and Family

Books Critical of Traditional Marriage
This annotated bibliograhy by James Park lists twelve books on the subject, most printed in the 1970s and 80s.

The Case Against Matrimony
This Salon.com article by Larissa Phillips, a woman raising a child in a long-term unmarried relationship, asks, "If marriage is risky, doomed and expensive, why bother?"

Legitimize Bastardy!
This article from a 1996 issue of the Secular Humanist Bulletinargues why humanists should oppose marriage, calling it "a corrupt, misogynistic, and outmoded institution."

Lucy Stone League
An organization that advocates for "name choice freedom," protesting that 3 million women each year abandon their names when they get married.

Marriage and Love, by Emma Goldman (1911)
This article from nearly a century ago shows that those of us who prefer not to marry have a long and respectable history. In her essay, radical activist Emma Goldman argues that marriage is a failure and a poor investment, especially for women. Amusingly, she cites the 8% divorce rate as one of her items of proof, even though in comparison to today's numbers 8% would be a rate many would celebrate!

Marriage Traditions in Various Times and Cultures
This page counters the idea that there is one form of "traditional marriage" by tracing the many forms marriage has taken in different historical eras and cultures, from the Bible to the British-American colonies.

Straight Marriage Under Protest
This article by Sarah Deer explores options for male-female couples who are concerned about how to use their privilege responsibly, since the option of getting married is not available to same-sex couples anywhere in the country.

Organizations

aMaze
Provides curricula and books for schools, faith groups, and teachers to use to teach children about family diversity issues.

Unmarried America
Unmarried America is an information service for America's 89 million unmarried adults -- who head up a majority of the nation's households. Its services focus on your interests as employees, consumers, taxpayers, and voters, regardless of your household size or family structure. The newspaper column, library, and radio show are all functions of Spectrum Institute, a nonprofit corporation with federal tax exempt status.

Council on Contemporary Familes
Organization of researchers and theorists explores how the "traditional family" may not meet people's needs today."

Family Diversity Projects
This organization has wonderful photo-text exhibits and books on topics like lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender families, multiracial families, mental illness in the family, adoptive and foster families, single parent families, immigrant families, and more.

Institute for 21st Century Relationships
A new organization whose mission is to facilitate the fulfillment of the human potential for relating, and to support the freedom of consenting adults to discover and to practice the intimate relationship structure that best meets their emotional and human needs.

Religious Institute on Sexual Morality, Justice, and Healing
A network of clergy, religious educators, theologians, and other religious leaders who believe all people have the right and responsibility to lead sexual lives that express love, justice, mutuality, commitment, consent, and pleasure, regardless of sex, gender, color, age, bodily condition, marital status, or sexual orientation.

Support and Discussion Groups

Alternatives to Marriage Live Journal
Messageboards about alternatives to marriage. This site is independent of the Alternatives to Marriage Project, despite the similarity in name.

AtMP-Talk
The Alternatives to Marriage Project's online discussion list, for singles, people in relationships (married and unmarried), and professionals with an interest in the subject of people who choose not to marry or are unable to marry.

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