• In what states is it legal for same-sex couples to marry?
• How are civil unions different from marriages?
• Can gay and lesbian couples form common law marriages?
• My partner and I really want to get married! What can we do?
• I'm in a great same-sex relationship but I don't want to get married. What do you have for me?

In what states is it legal for same-sex couples to marry?

At the present time (last updated May 2007), Massachusetts is the only state that recognizes the marriages of in-state and some out-of-state same-sex couples. If you are a same-sex couple interested in getting married in Massachusetts, please consult with a lawyer concerning your state's regulations. Most states DO NOT recognize marriage licenses from Massachusetts. Get more info. The GLAD website is a great place to find up-to-date information about how to get married in Massachusetts as a same-sex couple.

Same-sex couples can now get married in any of Canada's many provinces. There is no residency requirement to marry, but there is a one-year residency requirement to get divorced. More information about marriage in Canada is available here, as is a joint statement from American GLBT organizations about some things to consider before you do.

Civil unions for same-sex couples are the next closest thing to marriage. They are presently recognized in Vermont, Connecticut, and New Jersey, and will be recognized in New Hampshire starting January 1, 2008. However, there are significant differences between marriage and civil unions (see #2 for an explanation).

Domestic partnerships have different rights and responsibilities accorded to them in different states. New Jersey and California register domestic partnerships for same-sex couples, and also for different-sex couples where one person (in CA) or both people (in NJ) are 62 or older; Washington state will join this list starting July 22, 2007. Maine and the District of Columbia register domestic partnerships for couples regardless of sex or age. Oregon is expected to authorize domestic partnerships for same-sex couples in May 2007. Hawaii has a reciprocal beneficiaries law that provides some similar rights and responsibilities for people who are prohibited from marrying.

Click here for more about registering a domestic partnership.

Couples joined in civil union have all the rights and responsibilities of married people within and as defined by the states of Vermont, Connecticut, New Jersey, and New Hampshire (starting 2008). Other states do not have to recognize these civil unions or accord these couples any rights. The Federal government does not recognize these civil unions, so federal marriage rights and responsibilities like Social Security, federal tax breaks, and immigration rights are not accessible.

Can gay and lesbian couples form common law marriages?

No, those few states that recognize common law marriage only recognize them between different-sex partners.

My partner and I really want to get married! What can we do?

• In Massachusetts, you can get married (see links to tips in #1).
• You can travel to Canada to get married (see links to tips in #1).
• You can get a civil union or register a domestic partnership (see lists of states and links in #1).
• Have a commitment ceremony or wedding (possibly even a religious one, if you want to be married "in the eyes of God"), even though you won't be legally married. Read more about this in the Commitment Ceremonies section.
• Refer to each other as "my husband," "my wife," or "my spouse," if you wish.
• Exchange rings and wear them on your wedding ring fingers, if you wish.
• Become a freedom to marry activist! See the GLBT Books & Links page for groups to contact.

I'm in a great same-sex relationship but I don't want to get married. What do you have for me?

A lot of GLBT people say that within the GLBT community, there's so much emphasis on winning the freedom to marry right now that it can feel isolating to be a member of the community who's not personally interested in getting married. Thousands of people have signed onto Beyond Marriage, a statement that challenges the current strategies employed by LGBT organizations that are pursuing marriage equality. AtMP's founders and Executive Director were pleased to be among the original signatories.

You might be interested in the resources in our Marriagefree section. We also have a very small, low-volume Yahoo group called LGBT Marriagefree -- please join us, share articles, ask questions, and exchange thoughts with others who share your perspective (and help LGBT Marriagefree grow by spreading the word to friends who might be interested!).