• In what states is it legal for same-sex couples to marry?
• How are civil unions different from marriages?
• Can gay and lesbian couples form common law marriages?
• My partner and I really want to get married! What can we do?
• I'm in a great same-sex relationship but I don't want to get married. What do you have for me?

In what states is it legal for same-sex couples to marry?

As of March 2010, same-sex couples can legally marry in Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont and Washington DC. If you do not live in any of these states, your marriage might be recognized in your home state (New York and Rhode Island). Please consult with a lawyer concerning your state's regulations. Most states DO NOT recognize same-sex couples' marriage licenses from other states. For more information, try Freedom to Marry.  

 
Same-sex couples can get married in Canada. There is no residency requirement to marry, but there is a one-year residency requirement to get divorced. Same-sex couples can now also marry in Mexico City. Visit Freedom to Marry for more information on same-sex marriage in other countries.

Civil unions for same-sex couples are the next closest thing to marriage. They are presently recognized in Connecticut (until 9/30/10), New Hampshire, New Jersey and Vermont. However, there are significant differences between marriage and civil unions.

Starting June 3, New York City will perform civil ceremonies for same-sex couples. 

How are civil unions different from marriages?

Couples joined in civil union have all the rights and responsibilities of married people within and as defined by the states of Vermont, Connecticut, New Jersey, and New Hampshire (starting Jan 2010). Other states do not have to recognize these civil unions or accord these couples any rights. The Federal government does not recognize these civil unions, so federal marriage rights and responsibilities like Social Security, federal tax breaks, and immigration rights are not accessible.

Can gay and lesbian couples form common law marriages?

No, those few states that recognize common law marriage only recognize them between different-sex partners.

My partner and I really want to get married! What can we do?

• In Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Massachusetts, New Hampshire, Vermont, Washington DC, Canada and Mexico City, you can get married.
• You can get a civil union or register a domestic partnership.
• Have a commitment ceremony or wedding (possibly even a religious one, if you want to be married "in the eyes of God"), even though you won't be legally married. Read more about this in the Commitment Ceremonies section.
• Refer to each other as "my husband," "my wife," or "my spouse," if you wish.
• Exchange rings and wear them on your wedding ring fingers, if you wish.
• Become a freedom to marry activist! See the GLBT Books & Links page for groups to contact.

I'm in a great same-sex relationship but I don't want to get married. What do you have for me?

A lot of GLBT people say that within the GLBT community, there's so much emphasis on winning the freedom to marry right now that it can feel isolating to be a member of the community who's not personally interested in getting married. Thousands of people have signed onto Beyond Marriage, a statement that challenges the current strategies employed by LGBT organizations that are pursuing marriage equality. AtMP's founders and Executive Director were pleased to be among the original signatories.

*You might be interested in our position statement on same-sex marriage, and in the resources in our Marriagefree section.