I contacted the Alternatives to Marriage Project for advice in 1999 when a friend and I decided to send in our "out" class notes to our all-girls Catholic high school newsletter, revealing that we were in same-sex relationships. No one had ever done anything like this before; most past class notes were about marriage, birth, and career. While our school's newsletter had no editorial policy at the time about class note content, our notes got edited to make our lives look less "objectively disordered" -- read, gay. Of course, we found this altering of the facts of our lives both pathetic and absurd and I set the record straight in an op-ed for the Hartford Courant , entitled "True to Ourselves, True to Our School."

Since joining AtMP's board, I have had the great pleasure of penning a few more op-eds on similar topics. It amazes me how persistently the "facts" about marriage continue to be obscured by fears and stereotypes, making it difficult for individuals to share the truths about their lives and needs. For example, while the country is currently obsessed with same-sex marriage, it may be surprising to some that there are over half a dozen states that still outlaw opposite-sex cohabitation. And while the country is equally if not more obsessed with "Desperate Housewives," observant viewers will note that Teri Hatcher's character, Susan, was already divorced when the show premiered this fall.

Politics is essentially about who gets what and this is why I am so intrigued by the concept of "marital status." More than a nominal category, "marital status" is a set of quantifiable privileges that attach exclusively to marriage. When it comes to social policy related to unmarried people, we have a long way to go. In many cases, policies are unequal, inequitable, and inadequate in addressing the needs of unmarried people and unmarried families. This is part of the reason why I am presenting a paper with a colleague at the Society for Social Work and Research conference in Miami early next year entitled, "The Impact of Parents' Marital Structure, Status, and Stability on Children's Well-Being."

AtMP is a great community of people interested in discovering and sharing the real facts about marriage and alternatives to marriage. I am grateful to be a part of this community that has incredible ambitions for the future. I have learned so much from AtMP's co-founders, board members, staff, and supporters and feel confident, despite recent trends in a frightening direction, that the future will bring equality. Wasn't it Susan B. Anthony who said, "Failure is not an option?"