Alternatives to Marriage Update:
September 2000

In this issue:

In the Media
Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project
- ATMP Files To Be a Nonprofit!
- Internship and Volunteer Positions Available
- Unmarried Personal Ads Now Available
Upcoming Conferences
- Just Living Together: Implications of Cohabitation for Children, Families,
and Social Policy
- American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists Conference
- The Single Women's Conference
Sizzling Statistics
News From the United States
News From Around the World
Domestic Partner News (U.S.)

In the Media

Ohio and New Jersey Newspapers Cite ATMP

The Columbus (Ohio) Dispatch and the Bergen (New Jersey) Record both quoted Executive Director Dorian Solot in recent articles. In the Dispatch's story on changes in marriage, Solot pointed out the 11 million Americans who live with an unmarried partner and said, "People are trying to create relationships in really conscious ways that work for them, and not necessarily signing up for an institution that may or may not represent way they want for their relationship." In the Record's article on the National Marriage Project, Solot commented on ways that the group's work hurts those who don't fit its ideals. In a sidebar on the Marriage Movement's Statement of Principles, the article quoted from our Affirmation of Family Diversity: "There are millions of happy, healthy, unmarried families. We believe that all families should be valued."

Utne Reader Quotes Our Article

In an article on "queer marriage," the September-October issue of the Utne Reader cites an article by Solot and ATMP co-founder Marshall Miller discussing the privileges married people receive. Utne listed our suggestions for married bisexuals who want to practice responsible ownership of those privileges. The recommendations include staying visible, fighting for all relationships and families to be treated equally in the workplace, practicing good marital status etiquette (including sensitivity to the fact that not everyone can get married), and being part of the family diversity movement.

Online Sites Mention ATMP and Affirmation

The marriage section of About.com linked to the Alternatives to Marriage Project in its article on the Marriage Movement's Statement of Principles, which argues that marriage should be privileged over other family forms. The article quotes some of our concerns about the Statement and offers readers the chance to sign their names to our Affirmation of Family Diversity.

On the MSN women's website Underwire, advice columnist and psychotherapist Dr. Joy Davidson mentioned ATMP in her answer to a woman considering moving in with her boyfriend. Dr. Davidson pointed out that the primary reason cohabiting couples are more likely to divorce if they get married is because on average, cohabitors tend to be less religious and more accepting of divorce. She advised the couple to work on building a strong relationship instead of worrying about the divorce statistics.

Around the Alternatives to Marriage Project

ATMP Files To Be a Nonprofit!

We are delighted to announce that the Alternatives to Marriage Project officially filed for 501(c)(3) nonprofit status. This will make us eligible to participate in programs and apply for grants that are limited to nonprofit organizations. It also means that donations to support our work are tax-deductible! We appreciate the generous contributions of everyone who has supported ATMP financially in the past. Check your mailbox or email inbox soon for information about our fall fundraising drive -- your donations make our work possible!

Our volunteer board of directors has been instrumental in helping the organization reach this milestone. We'd like to introduce them:

Thanks to each of these people, and also to:

- Linda McCarthy, our accountant, who donated her services related to our nonprofit incorporation

- Attorney Burton Nadler, who advised us during the incorporation process

- The Bisexual Resource Center and the American Association for Personal Privacy, the nonprofit organizations that served as our fiscal sponsors for the last two years.

 Internship and Volunteer Positions Available

ATMP currently has positions available for an intern or volunteer in our Boston-area office. The time commitment could range from a few hours to a few days per week, and interns or volunteers would need to be able to use a computer. To discuss the possibilities, contact us.

Seeking Unmarried Couples Over 60

The Alternatives to Marriage Project regularly receives calls from journalists working on stories about unmarried people. Because we believe there's real value letting the public know about the love, commitment, and stability in many of our relationships, we do our best to help journalists find "real unmarried people" to talk to. We maintain a database of people who are willing to consider being interviewed by reporters, but we still have a need for unmarried male-female couples over age 60. Cohabitation and unmarried relationships are increasingly common among this age group, and several reporters have expressed interest in writing about this. If you or someone you know fits this description, please let us know here.

Unmarried Personal Ads Now Available

The last issue of the Update announced our newest service: free personal ads for people interested in finding a partner or friend where the goal of the relationship is not necessarily marriage. The ads we've received are now online. [AtMP is no longer providing personals ads].

Upcoming Conferences

Just Living Together: Implications of Cohabitation for Children, Families, and Social Policy

Population Research Institute, Pennsylvania State University

October 30 - 31, 2000, State College, PA

According to the symposium website, "Forty-one percent of all women between the ages of 15 and 44 have cohabited and 7% are cohabiting now. For some it is a prelude to marriage. For others, it is a post-marital arrangement which may last a few months or several years. For still others it is a coupling that is a substitute for formal marriage and may involve having children. The practice of cohabitation varies greatly by economic circumstances as well as racial and ethnic background. The purpose of the symposium is to examine the origins of informal unions and how they are linked to the economy and prevailing attitudes and values. Also to be explored are the consequences of cohabitation for family relationships and for the well-being of children who live with adults in such unions. The symposium concludes with a focus on policy issues and legal rights and obligations."

For more information about the symposium, go to http://www.pop.psu.edu/events/fisym00.htm l or call to request a paper brochure, (814) 865-0486.

 American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists Conference

Family Therapy: The Millennium Summit

November 2 -5, 2000, Denver, CO

At this conference, ATMP co-founder Marshall Miller will be a speaker on a plenary panel called "Till Death Do Us Part? Family Therapy and the Marriage Movement" along with Maggie Gallagher, Lorraine Blackman, Howard Markman, and moderator Karen Peterson of USA Today.

The Single Women's Conference

Barton Creek Resort

October 7, 2000, Austin, Texas

According to the conference press release, "Single women from across the world will flock to Austin to be apart of this liberating tribute to single living. There will be no allowances for pity parties, just the joyous sounds of women enjoying their freedom to be happy and contented alone." Workshops being presented include "The Transformation of the Single Woman," "Raising Emotionally Sound Children Alone," and "The Single Woman from the Christian Perspective." For more information, email the conference organizer, Regena English, at This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it , or call (877) 890-9226.

Sizzling Statistics

Study Show Rise in Births to Unmarried Women

Driven by the growing number of unmarried women of childbearing age, the number of births to unmarried women rose to 1,293,567 in 1998. The percent of all births to unmarried women also increased slightly, from 32.4 percent in 1997 to 32.8 percent in 1998. The teen birthrate dropped again in 1998, to 41.5 births per 1,000 unmarried teens aged 15-19, the lowest level in the 60 years it's been recorded. Research shows that over 40% of unmarried births are babies born to couples who live together.

News From the United States

 Landlords in Western States Can't Discriminate on Basis of Marital Status

The highest court in the West on Friday threw out a case in which it ruled last year that landlords may refuse for religious reasons to rent to unmarried couples. The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals reversed two decisions that called anti-discrimination laws unconstitutional and ordered a U.S. district judge to dismiss a case brought by two Anchorage landlords. The landlords said their religious beliefs made it a sin for them to rent to unmarried couples. The ruling applies to eight western states including California, Oregon, Alaska, and Washington.

Woman Charged With Statutory Rape of Husband

A 21-year-old woman was charged with statutory rape after she gave birth to a child fathered by her then-13-year-old husband. The woman married her boyfriend, now 14, five weeks after the baby was born. The case resents a kind of legal paradox. Although the couple was allowed under Georgia law to marry because they are parents, it was illegal for them to have sex before marriage. Georgia law describes statutory rape as "sexual intercourse with any person under the age of 16 and not his or her spouse." The maximum sentence is 20 years in prison.

News From Around the World

UK Tories Want Narrower Definition of Family

Tory leader William Hague has been placing increasing emphasis on traditional marriage. A survey by the Conservatives' policy forum of 270 local groups found that most party members supported Hague's emphasis on marriage as the foundation of the family. Only 39 of the groups surveyed said that single mothers and their children should be defined as a family, and 22 groupssaid that same-sex couples would satisfy the criteria.

Iranian Parliament Considers Raising Marriage Age

Iran's parliament is considering a bill that would ban girls under 14 and boys under 16 from getting married without court permission. Hard-line lawmakers oppose the bill; they say it contradicts Islamic sharia laws, which they claim allows girls to be married at 9 and boys at 15. Reformists disagree, saying that it harms girls and creates social and cultural problems when girls are forced to marry at 10 or 11.

British Ministry of Defense to Consider Unmarried Housing

Unmarried couples in Britain could be allocated army accommodation for the first time under reforms being examined by the Ministry of Defense. Currently, army houses are available only to couples who are married, even though unmarried cohabitation has become widely accepted in civilian life. A Ministry of Defense official said, "We support family life but we have to recognize that a family doesn't always involve a marriage." said one. Married quarters may be extended to those in a "committed relationship" with children.

 British Salvation Army To Revise Marriage Rules

The Salvation Army is to allow officers to marry outsiders for the first time in its 135-year history. Until now, Salvation Army officers have been permitted to marry only other officers. Even then, they had to have permission from headquarters, another rule that will change soon. Also, Salvation Army officers will no longer be forbidden to marry someone more than 17 years older or younger than they are.

Domestic Partner News (U.S.)

 University of Alabama Staff Ask For DP Benefits

Some faculty and staff want the University of Alabama to extend employment benefits such as medical and life insurance to domestic partners. The university's president has authority to sign off on the plan without the approval of university trustees. The Committee for Implementation of Domestic Partner Benefits' petition in support of the proposal has been signed by 100 university employees.

 More Employers Add DP Benefits

The following employers have recently begun to offer domestic partner benefits to their employees: Howard Community College, Mellon Financial Corporation, Network Associates Inc., Universal Orlando, University of Nebraska-Lincoln (students only), and Wake Forest University.

 Thanks to Nina Lanza for compiling the news in this issue.