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| Spring 2006 |
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Alternatives to Marriage Project
Update - Spring 2006
IN THIS ISSUE:
This Spring issue of AtMP's newsletter is the first since the Alternatives to Marriage Project took on advocacy functions for Unmarried America. Perhaps it is appropriate, then, that this season's writers seem to celebrate singlehood. AtMP board member Meaghan Lamarre describes her gratitude for an organization that is supporting her current choice to be single. Cari Carpenter worries in her diary that to hold a marriage license in her hand is, for her, "the ethical equivalent of a briar patch." And in "Evidence Contradicts the Myth of Selfish Singles," board member Jo VanEvery reminds us of the tremendous commitments single people can and do make to society at large as well as to their friends and extended family members. Aided by the experience of new executive director Lisa-Nicolle Grist, who is excited by AtMP's mission and ability to bridge the straight and GLBT communities, AtMP promises to be stronger than ever in its fight against marital status discrimination, because it affects all unmarried people. Read Readers' Letters to the Editor. New Executive Director Takes the Reins The Alternatives to Marriage Project (AtMP) is thrilled to announce that Lisa-Nicolle (Nicky) Grist has begun work as AtMP's new executive director. Nicky comes to AtMP with extensive experience managing and growing non-profit organizations. For the past eight years, she served as the executive director of Neighbors Helping Neighbors, a Brooklyn, New York-based housing counseling organization. Like AtMP, Neighbors Helping Neighbors hired Nicky to take the reins from the organization's founder, and during her tenure she more than doubled the budget to over $600,000, grew the organization to 10 full-time staff people plus consultants and volunteers, greatly diversified its financial support, and strengthened its board of directors. Nicky is off to a running start for AtMP: in her first three months she relocated AtMP's office, wrote commentary on legislation and current events, mobilized AtMP supporters to take action against local discrimination, and convened successful fundraising events in New York and the Bay Area. Learn more about AtMP's new executive director. Want to be notified if there's important legislation pending in your city or state that could affect unmarried rights? Want to receive an invitation to local gatherings of AtMP friends and supporters? (We have fundraising parties planned for NYC, San Francisco, and Boston, and more in store in other cities across the country later this year.) In order to let you know when AtMP is involved in local activities around the United States, we need to know where you live! If you already receive postal mail from AtMP from time to time, that means we have your address in our database. If not, please give us your address. You can read our privacy policy here. Some AtMP supporters avoid marriage because they believe it's unfair that married people get special rights. The imbalance of legal rights might get much worse by the end of 2006! Several U.S. states are poised to amend their constitutions to ensure that some rights remain exclusively for one-woman/one-man married pairs. Often called Super DOMAs (after the Clinton-era Defense of Marriage Act), these state laws are designed to exclude same-sex couples from achieving the legal status of married people. If that weren't bad enough, these laws can have the side-effect of diminishing the legal status of all unmarried people and weakening the rights of domestic partners and people who use contracts to define and protect their relationships. Alaska's does this explicitly, Virginia's is vague but expected to have the same result, and there are many in-between. AtMP will be keeping an eye on–and speaking out against–these bad laws. A first step is to chart the who-what-where-when-and-how of legislative activity. Can you help us make the chart? Can you help us educate voters in your state? Let us know! It's Easier Than Ever To Donate Online
AtMP recently enrolled with Network for Good, a well-respected, trusted, secure online donation processor. Now it's much easier to give: just click the Donate Now link. You can give once, or set up a monthly or quarterly charge via credit card. Recurring donations are painless and popular—they're the fastest growing source of AtMP's support! In 2005 only 15% of AtMP's budget was spent on fundraising. Online and recurring donations make our fundraising even more efficient, so please Opinion: Evidence Contradicts the Myth of 'Selfish' Singles, by Jo VanEvery
Opinion: To Wed or Not to Wed: Cari Carpenter's Diary
Salon.com Features AtMP Opposition to Alito Confirmation
CNN Highlights Discrimination Against Unmarrieds
Other recent AtMP media appearances include: Meet the Chair of Board of Directors, Meaghan Lamarre
Unmarried to Each Other: The Essential Guide to Living Together, by AtMP founders Dorian Solot and Marshall Miller, is now in its third printing. This is a smart, practical, all-in-one guide for people who are living together—for now or forever. If you buy an autographed copy through AtMP, the proceeds will support our work for unmarried people. Buy now or read more. Call for volunteers to enhance singles content on AtMP's website AtMP has received great support from the American Association for Single People, as well as some constructive criticism. In response we'd like to beef-up our statistics, fun facts and resources for and about singles, and we need your help! A volunteer started this list of famous life-long singles. To volunteer to build this list and/or improve other sections of our site, send a note to atmp - at - unmarried.org. Contemporary Solo Singles: Maureen Dowd, Dr. Condoleezza Rice, Harriet Myers, Janet Reno, David Souter, Wendy Wasserstein Solo Singles From History: Queen Elizabeth I, President James Buchanan Newsletter Editor: Karen Sosnoski |
Sociologist and AtMP board member Jo VanEvery argues that despite the stereotype that single people don't contribute to society, in fact, singles often have the flexibility and time to contribute more than those busy with relationships and families. Find out 
No doubt many AtMP readers can relate to Cari Carpenter's diary entries as she explores her own ambivalence about the institution that ironically promises to fill her prescription but not her sense of self: "More than anything else this dilemma—to wed or not to wed—has made me reexamine my position as a feminist. My stance seems like a classic example of a radical feminist position that progressive social change is never entirely possible within the confines of an institution—especially one as well-entrenched and patriarchal as marriage. But of course my philosophical and ethical beliefs are never as simple as the chapter divisions in my trusty women's studies textbook..." 
In December, longtime unmarried couple and AtMP supporters Blythe (Collie) Collier and Bob Simpson were featured in a CNN segment about discrimination against single and unmarried people. AtMP founders Marshall Miller and Dorian Solot also appeared in the CNN piece. Collie's and Bob's life together is not only marriage-free, but also cable-free and VCR-free, so they enjoyed seeing the segment for the first time at AtMP's Bay Area fundraising party. Because AtMP makes it easier for journalists to find "real" unmarried people to interview, news stories about unmarried issues are far more likely to include real people sharing their experiences than they did before AtMP existed.
Since first joining AtMP as an intern, Meaghan Lamarre has found that the organization's mission resonates with her own struggles with the pressure to marry. 
One of the AtMP supporters who turned out for our Bay Area house party is Kay Trimberger, the author of a just-released book The New Single Woman. Her book has attracted some glowing endorsements—read them 