LGBTQ Books & Links

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Books About Same-Sex Marriage & LGBTQ Relationships

*Against Equality: Queer Critiques of Same-Sex Marriage, edited by Ryan Conrad (2010). An interesting collection of essays that address the queer resistance to the gay marriage movement while skillfully tackling issues of race, class, gender, citizenship, age, ability, etc. Its small size makes it easy to carry around in your pocket!

*I Do/I Don’t: Queers on Marriage, edited by Greg Wharton and Ian Philips (2004). A fascinating collection of short essays (most of them 2-4 pages) by over 130 authors with stunningly diverse perspectives on marriage. It contains plenty of authors whose names you might recognize — Dorothy Allison, Michael Bronski, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Patrick Califia, Margaret Cho, Lisa Duggan, Carol Queen, Eric Rofes, Cecilia Tan, Tristan Taormino, Carmen Vasquez, Evan Wolfson — but also lots of names you never heard of with something just as interesting to say. Read our full review of this book.

*A Legal Guide for Lesbian and Gay Couples, by Attorneys Denis Clifford, Emily Doskow, and Frederick Hertz (2012). This book is an in-depth, accessible guide to protecting yourself as a same-sex couple. It includes information on medical emergencies, financial matters, parenting, wills, buying a home, and sample contracts for your relationship.

*What Is Marriage For? The Strange Social History of Our Most Intimate Institution by E.J. Graff (1999). Even if you’re not a history buff, this book is a fascinating trip through the history of marriage, proving beyond any doubt that with as many changes as the institution has seen, there’s no such thing as “traditional marriage.” Ultimately, Graff’s mission is to legalize same-sex marriage. While we support her cause, we think she’s too quick to brush aside the concerns of those for whom marriage isn’t the goal. To read our full review of this book, check out our August 1999 Update.

*Same-Sex Marriage: Pro and Con, edited by Andrew Sullivan (1997). This anthology includes strong essays on both sides of the argument.

There are many books on this subject! If you’d like to recommend others, let us know!

Freedom to Marry Links & Online Groups

Deciding Whether to Get Married in the U.S. or Internationally
A great set of pages from Lamda Legal Defense outlining things same-sex couples should consider before getting married, pros and cons of getting married in the U.S. vs. Internationally, and links to information about how to get married in other countries.

What Do I Need to Know About Getting Married in Canada?
Q & A from Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders about same-sex marriage in Canada.

Marriage Project: Lambda Legal Defense & Education Fund
A national organization working to legalize same-sex marriage. This page includes things you can do to help, more resources, and links to civil union information.

Marriage Traditions in Various Times and Cultures
This page counters the idea that there is one form of “traditional marriage” by tracing the many forms marriage has taken in different historical eras and cultures, from the Bible to the British-American colonies.

Partners Task Force For Gay and Lesbian Couples
An impressively thorough web site with lots of resources about same-sex relationships and marriage. Includes comparisons between legal marriage, ceremonial marriage, domestic partner benefits, etc. — potentially helpful to any people thinking through whether marriage is for them. If you click on “Ceremonial Marriage” you can find lists of denominations and congregations that will perform marriage ceremonies for gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender same-sex couples.

Straight Marriage Under Protest
This article by Sarah Deer explores options for male-female couples who are concerned about how to use their privilege responsibly.

LGBTQ Books/Groups/People Questioning Same-Sex Marriage

Many believe there are more effective ways to secure rights and recognition for LGBTQ relationships and families.

Marriage is a Mixed Blessing, a NYTimes op-ed written by UE member, Katherine M. Franke on same-sex marriage in New York.

Against Equality an online archive, publishing, and arts collective focused on critiquing mainstream gay and lesbian politics.  Also check out collective member Yasmin Nair‘s personal blog.

Not Playing House the Way Mom and Dad Do by Amanda Sommers (2010)
A social work Masters thesis based on in-depth interviews with 13 same-sex couples who decided not to get married when marriage was an option in California before the passage of Prop 8.

*Beyond (Straight and Gay) Marriage, by Nancy Polikoff (2008)
“Marriage as a family form is not more important or valuable than other forms of family,” writes gay rights activist and American University law professor Nancy Polikoff, “so the law should not give it more value.” We agree! This book exposes flaws in our legal system and offers policy solutions that are more universal than same-sex marriage. a document signed by LGBT activists and leaders, writers and artists, organizers and lawyers, allies and celebrities (including UE’s founders and Executive Director) that offers a challenge to the current strategies employed by LGBT organizations that are pursuing marriage equality.

The Trouble with Normal: Sex, Politics, and the Ethics of Queer Life, by Michael Warner
In one chapter Warner argues that gays should oppose same-sex marriage, since legalizing it would expand the scope of who may access marriage privileges, but does not fundamentally alter the system of granting privileges on the basis of relationship status. To read our full review of this book, check out our March 2000 Update.

Queer Family Values, by Valerie Lehr (2000)
Queer Family Values examines the historical, political, social, and economic contexts surrounding marriage and family in the United States, arguing that by fighting for marriage rights, gays and lesbians sidestep the real issues. To read our full review of this book, check out our April 2000 Update.

Against Marriage and Motherhood, by Claudia Card
This essay, printed in the journal Hypatian in 1996, argues that advocating for legal marriage is not the best way to improve the lives of same-sex couples.

LGBT Parenting Links

Children of LGBTQ Parents Everywhere is a national and international organization for children of LGBTQ parents.

*Families Like Mine
Abigail Garner’s site for teens and adults with LGBT parents.

Family Equality Council
National nonprofit focused on the needs of LGBT families.

Prospective Queer Parents
Although this page isn’t specifically about unmarried parents, it has good resources for considering parenthood in general, especially if you’re lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.

Queer Parenting Email Lists
This site includes descriptions and subscription instructions for several different lists, including ones for lesbian moms, gay dads, queer parents in general, and stepparents.

LGBT Parenting bulletin board
An online bulletin board for LGBT parents.

Other LGBT Links

Family Diversity Projects
This organization has wonderful photo-text exhibits and books on topics like lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender families, multiracial families, mental illness in the family, adoptive and foster families, single parent families, immigrant families, and more.

Personal Finance Guide for LGBT People
A site run by Aptus Insurance that covers a range of topics relating to LGBT people and finances.

Do you have LGBT books, links, or other resources you’d recommend? Let us know so we can add them to this collection!